Dear Younger Me

Dear Younger Me,

I wanted to let you know that in your later years you will experience a lot of heartache and pain. Physical pain and emotional pain. Many people in your life are going to leave, betray your trust, hurt you and through it all, you’ll feel broken, confused, alone, hurt, and angry. Sometimes, you will even feel like giving up and ending your life.

But, I want to tell you something, keep your eyes on Jesus. You will feel like He has abandoned you you’ll feel like He hates you, and like He wouldn’t care if you died, like He likes to see you suffer, but it’s not true. You have to remember that He loves you, and that He is always holding you in His hands, that He won’t let you stay in darkness forever. He’ll take you out. He’ll give you courage to report your dad, He’ll end your abusive situation, He’ll set you free. He sees you, He loves you. You are loved, He’ll give you a way out.

Another thing: don’t give up on your mom. You may feel like she hates you, and she wants to get rid of you, but she doesn’t. She’s hurting too. She doesn’t know why your relationship is the way it is. It’s not your fault, it’s not her fault. It’s your dad’s fault. He’s been lying to both of you, turning you against each other. Don’t give up. God has a better plan for you that He will fulfill in His time…

Why do you keep asking God for reasons? It won’t take away your tears, it will cause you more grief. You’re going to think that He’s not with you when He doesn’t give you reasons. Just ask Him to stay with you, and show you that He’s there, and that He will never leave you.

Also, don’t believe the lies that your dad is telling you. No dad does that to his kid, especially not to his daughter who trusts him. Don’t believe him. Don’t believe him when he says he’s going to stop. Go nowhere with him alone, don’t trust him. Don’t trust him, don’t trust him. I can’t stress that enough.

Don’t push your teacher away. She cares more than you know. She does see how you’re struggling, you’re not invisible. She wants to help you, you can trust her. She cares about you. You can trust the other teachers too. They won’t hurt you either. They would NEVER hurt you. They want to help you grow, they won’t cut you down. Trust them.

Don’t do self-harm. It gets you nowhere, even if the intention is suicide. God’s not going to let you do it. He’ll intervene like He did for me. He has a plan for you, and that’s not you committing suicide because of a stupid abusive situation that is hurting you. Even though he’s only abusing you in that way, he’s verbally abusing your mother and physically abusing your brother. He’s going to leave your sister because she’s too little. Don’t do self harm. Instead, support your brother, and your mom. Don’t block them out. Form a band together. Become stronger together.

When your brother leaves just before Christmas, and makes bad choices and you can’t talk to him anymore, don’t give up hope. I don’t know what’s going to happen, I’m still there too. But don’t give up hope. Trust me, you’ll be better off without his abuse too. You’re worth more than that.

Through it all, keep your eyes on Jesus. He won’t leave you. He loves you.