Nighttime Musings

She pulled back the curtain and stepped in front of the mirror. The shower had stopped, but the water was still slowly dripping in the background. With the curtain pulled back, the beam of the full moon filled the room. The moon was bright enough that she could make out the outline of her figure in the mirror.

She takes a look in the mirror, unimpressed by what she sees. Her breasts are beginning to droop ever so slightly. It was the first sign she had noticed of the aging process. This was a stark contast to the baby face she continually maintained. She sees this in the mirror, and lets out an uncontented sigh.

As the day begins to unraverl in her mind, she finds her thoughts wandering. Is this really what adulthood is meant to be? The world was so full of hope and promise as a child. It seemed like anything and everything was possible all those years ago. She wanted so desparately to return to that world.

Adulthood was supposed to be like her childhood, unrestrained by responsibility. Yet the weight of adulthood continued to wear her down. Her eyes now only show a soul tormented by quiet desperation. She didn’t even know where the desperation came from. All she knew was that she just felt trapped.

With each passing year, the walls of the apartment would shrink. Her job no longer fulfilled her. She was finally making enough money to live, but nothing more. She longed to travel but could never find the time. She knew she wanted more from life. She may never get whatever it was she craved. The thought weighed on her so heavily that her soulders collapsed.

As she crossed the threshold of the bathroom and laid down in bed, her thoughts again turned to the past. She remembered how long it took her to get stability. The days of uncertainty were finally behind her. She had worked hard to build this life for herself. That in and of itself should’ve been enough to make her satisified.

Her eyes slowly close while she waits for sleep to wash over her. She begins to wonder if maybe she was wrong about what ‘growing up’ really is all this time. Maybe growing up isn’t about reaching all the milestones you wanted as a kid. Maybe growing up is about the journey. Maybe the freedom you have as a child is meant to stay in the past. Maybe adulthood is about the lessons you learn on the way to growing up. After all, how do you even know when you’re a grown-up? Or just maybe, it’s about living the best life that you can. She may not feel fulfilled quite yet, but she knew she was living life to the best of her ability. At least for tonight, that thought was enough to let her succumb to the sleep.