Love in winter

We did not believe winter would come so soon.

But, it did.

And so, we greet each morning with smiles and I love yous. No alarm clock needed as we leap out of bed to squeeze as much life from the day as we can.

In the bathroom, we do the silly grandma and grandpa dance we laughingly used to say we’d do at the weddings of our grandchildren...back when we expected the winter of our lives to coincide with advanced age.

Dressed for the season, we hold hands as we take our daily walk, eyes feasting on every nuance of nature that surrounds us: the animals that are born and appear to arrive to adulthood within a season; the trees whose bare branches flowered, bloomed, provided shade for a time then lost their leaves once again; the flowers that sprouted from what seemed barren earth and delighted our senses before withering away.

Every day, we walk, bike, run, making every effort to slow the progress of (to escape) winter. But, it continues to encroach upon us at a pace we cannot measure, over which we have no control.

I stand at the door or on the lawn or in the street, every time you leave our home, blowing kisses, shouting I love you, smiling so that’s what you remember when we are apart.

We pursue our professional passions, you, hoping to leave a piece of you behind for generations of strangers to remember, me, filling time until I am home, with you, again.

Sometimes our fear of winter blinds, chokes smothers and we flail about, seeking a door back to the fall we seem to have skipped entirely.

But there is no such door and life is a journey that only has one direction. Forward.

And so, we share meals, play cards or board games, then cuddle on the couch, watching sports, history, BBC America or the occasional comedy; we create new traditions like breakfast at a local pancake place every Saturday; we watch our son fall in love, and hope.

At the end of each day, you wrap yourself around me; legs and arms entwined, we are like puppies burrowing for warmth, connection. Your breath slows, along with your heart. I sigh as I close my eyes and drift, comforted by your nearness.

Winter is upon us, and so we love ever more deeply, live ever more fully, with greater awareness of each moment we are gifted, with, perhaps, a hint of desperation beneath the surface.

For there will be no spring at our winter’s end.