A Mothers Heartbreak

There are many kinds of heartbreak I will tell you a story.

I knew of this woman who lost her unborn baby, and in the wake of her heartbreak, she wanted for nothing more than death to find her. or to have her baby back. The very first day after, she tried to lie to herself and tell herself it didn't happen, it was all a very bad dream. However, life would not let her live this lie, a sturdy nail she never used before was the place she chose to hang her purse when she came home from the hospital, letting her know that it was no dream. Her heart ached so bad she felt stabbing pains in her chest in her guts crying so hard she would throw up. She didn't want to live anymore. Even though she had other children, that she loved dearly nothing could ease the pain of the one she lost.  Her living children gave her reason to live. But they could not ease the pain of the one she lost. She loved her living kids so much they were a constant reminder of the precious gift she lost. the gaping hole in her heart she knew would never hill. She walked through months of her life as this lifeless shell of a woman breaking out in fits of tears at any given moment. Filling like a failure full of rage at her body for not keeping her baby safe. The guilt of killing a life she started. There was no end to her anguish, No one to blame but herself she hated her body and wanted to punish herself. And lucky for her she had an illness. She was scheduled for surgery to have her uterus removed before she got pregnant, and now she could not wait for the doctor to carve it out. This woman because of an illness she was able to have her uterus cut out and in doing so, she felt some vindication for the loss of her baby. But still she hurt felt the pain of heartbreak and she would rage and scream at god for no taking her life, and sparing that of her child's. She lived with that rage for many years. Still managing to love her children and spend a wonderful life with them. But nothing would quiet that loss it would burn in her for years to come and she will mourn the loss of her baby for the rest of her life.