Crack, Crash, Crumble, Smash and Shatter...

As a woman I have known many heartbreaks; here are a few.

When you are a young and pretty girl with beautiful long blond hair and blue eyes. You have friends, at least you thought you did.  Along comes some boy and your friends suddenly hate you.  You did nothing and yet you are found guilty.  You learn that other females are not your friend.  Crack!

When you get a little older you think you will trust someone outside family.  You fall in very deep teenage love with a wonderful young man but are forbidden because of age to see each other.  He now despises you and ignores you.  You still love him.  He dies in a terrible car crash.  You run out into the rain screaming and your heart burns, it hurts. 

You decide never to love again.  But you grow lonely.  Crash!

You are older now and once again trust someone.  On again, off again relationship full of passion, regrets, anger, joy and bliss ensues.  Both are so bad yet so good for each other. Slowly both feel that this is hate, not love but neither can be whole without the other. Marriage comes, followed quickly by painful divorce because neither were ready. 

You will always love each other but can never be together; destruction comes from your union and devastates everything in its path.  You learn to hate men and distrust them all.

Crumble!

The pain of loneliness and sting of failure drive you once again into the arms of a man. You both know this is not love but lust.  You need to forget and so does he.  It quickly ends when you are left pregnant and alone.  But this is a good thing in the end, you think.  You will finally have something, someone, who will love you unconditionally the rest of your life.  You need no one else because of this small person who is part of you.

Time goes on and the child is born and it is the most joyous moment in your whole existence.  A man child, ironic, but wonderful.  He grows, he looks just like his Mama, you are glad of that. Smash!  

It becomes apparent there is something not quite right.  You take him to all the specialists, doctors and therapists you can find.  Diagnosis, autism.  So now you have a child who mostly cannot tell you how he feels, etc.  Your heart breaks, not for yourself, but for him...your mother's heart breaks...it Shatters...