shift noun
a slight change in position, direction, or tendency
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He wrapped his hands around my wrists, and automatically I strained, moving forward, ready for the pounce, for action. But then he did something unexpected. His thumbs rubbing the insides of my wrists... I stopped immediately, my focus disrupted, my breathing forgotten, body frozen in place.
What are you doing?
I asked confused, not ready for such an action from him.
I’m calming you down, so you don’t rip my head off.
Well then, you’re doing a great job. It’s all but forgotten, darlin.
My voice was still a bit unsteady as I tried to understand the situation. My fierce and at the same time logical brain, failing to fully comprehend the soft subtleties in between.
And what do you want to do in return?
He asked, slowly lifting a thick eyebrow at me.
I’m fine. Right, where I am.
I responded without thinking, and he smiled in a heavy way, the kind that presses you deep down to the ground. And for the first time, I didn’t seem to mind.
Then I’m better at this than I thought. Do you want me to let go?
No.
I said with certainty that I was sure I didn’t have just 24 hours ago.
How did you know what to do, how to stop me? I was this close to...
I did to you - he interrupts my words - the exact thing I would want you, to do to me.
To touch you?
I asked unconvinced.
No, to care.
But I don’t care.
Well honey, neither do I.
We looked at each other, battling gazes and hard stares, the tension suffocating the remaining air around us. It was like looking at two sets of explosives, ready to blow up at any moment, and yet, I could feel something slowly changing.
I could almost see the tiny elements moving inside of me, a complicated machine that was my heart. The very core of my being that I haven’t used it properly in a while, for the right reasons anyway. And now, I could feel something steer in me, change, shift. It felt good, sort of. I looked at him and could sense it, somehow not worried about everything that was moving inside of me. Reconstructing me like a new program that I did not yet understand but was ready to give it a chance. Hmm, it wasn't any romantic kind of thing - no, it was something even stranger.
It was surrender.
And for the first time in a very long while. It didn't feel like a bad thing, like a failure.
So I smiled at him, openly grinning. This was just the start, and things weren't going to magically change just like that. We still had a massive amount of troubles to face. Yes, it was definitely going to be a bumpy ride. But for now, I just let myself surrender to him. Because even though we’re two ticking life bombs, I still trusted him with my life.
Well then, now that you calmed the beast, what do we do next?
I asked, making it my turn to raise an eyebrow this time.
We’re going to take a couple of deep breaths and execute some professional ass-kicking.
He smiled lazily like this was just any other kind of day. As if this couldn’t end badly for everyone, and as if we could get out of this unharmed, in one piece.
Oh, I just love it when you talk so sweetly. Apocalypse never sounded this good. Shall we?
He nodded, and we swiftly jumped down from multiple rooftops until our silhouettes were nothing more than shadows in the ally that we disappeared into.
Preparing for battle, preparing for war.
_____
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