I am here

(Kinda chaotic rant. Mostly unedited. Read with caution.)

I realized adults didn't give a damn about childrens.

Okay hear me out first.

Adults set the rules, they set their pace, which were strictly followed, generations after generation. An obsession, that's what it is. To set everything in path, never get astray from what was given to you, to a youth within this destructive, chaotically world where adults tried keeping it intact (at least they tried).

We keep chasing like adults do.

Adults were always running ahead, running to where a path, tattered and common, which always leads to desolation.

I said hear me out!

Growing up, surrounded by tall adults which I always looked up with my neck aching, just to see their silhouette faces.

Their back faced against me,

walking,

jogging,

running ahead never stopping for a second to breathe.

And my puny little legs, keeping up, trying to run, trying to overtake, trying to surpass what was ahead.

And then I tripped.

More than my 18 years of running ahead, I tripped.

I damn tripped, scrapped my knee, my heart, my soul, my every being. The wounds started scrapping what was left to me, what was unwounded. The bleeding couldn't stop, and I was left hollow. (Please make this stop, make it stop)

I tripped and no one saw.

Cause no one gives a damn when your slow in life. When you couldn't keep up to what was everyone doing.

The suffocation, the eerie silence of scattered footsteps. I thought of thinking about getting up and start walking again but I didn't, I couldn't. Tell me, what was it that I had been trying to achieve?

What was worth it?

What was the worth of this neverending chase— of this neverending ending insanity?

Stop looking ahead. What have you all been chasing so hungrily, so obsessively for?

I just sat there, quietly watching ahead. Quietly looking at those blurry silhouettes scurrying, hurrying to where everyone else's at.

And I stopped. My time stopped, my path suddenly disappeared, it dissolved into dust, into nothingness, into a void swallowing everything else. I couldn't see what was ahead anymore. Nothing is worth the effort for.

Hear me out...

What was it?

Why did I thought about running like the adults?

I stopped. I damn stopped my track.

What do I do?

What do I have to do now?

I'm lost. I gave up. I didn't gave myself a chance. I didn't properly gave myself a damn chance. I couldn't see myself anymore.

Someone...

Anyone...

What to do... ?

What do I do?

Hey, hear me out!