Addicted

I seem to want to destroy myself again,

jump into whatever thrill,

whatever drug or mental numbing agent

I can get my hands on,

whatever will kill the pain

for an hour, a day, a week, a year

only to throttle me

into the dark depths afterwards,

submerge me into the dregs of temporary death;

I wish I could stay level,

learn balance,

kill my demons, embrace my angels,

find that flickering light

that lives hidden deep inside my soul,

make it grow,

help it to live again.