Learning

Smiles and laughter make up the day.

I'm efficient, productive, and fun they say.

Everything's going right.

Though, try as I might;

Behind my upbeat laugh and smile,

There are times I think I'm suicidal.

Visions of driving off bridges or walking into a busy street,

I breath slowly and deeply. I will not give into defeat.

I am successful, I am loved, I am treasured.

I am challenged, I am happy and yet, also severed...

There's a disconnect between my outer me and my inner me.

So much so I feel like I must be an anomaly.

But when I read about people with depression,

I feel a huge weight in my chest begin to lessen.

I'm normal, I don't need to have reasons to feel how I feel.

I realize that in my own time, I can begin to heal.