just because you choose to protect a lie instead of love
just because you chose to take our love
and put it behind your back
so all you could see in the moment was
her smile.
and just because it doesn’t mean anything
so you say,
doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to me
and probably to her.
just because there is no way you can choose to keep up your charade,
doesn’t keep me from sleepless nights,
head full of screams.
and just because you choose to protect a lie instead of love,
doesn’t mean that i have to choose to be right here with you.
and now your head is creating scenarios,
just like mine,
but without any reason except the guilt that slowly eats away at your shine,
while you rob me of mine
because the only words that matter to me
are the truth,
no matter how ugly,
they can set us both free.
instead you spend money we could use for a child to buy devices that track me,
and possibly put my life in danger by messing with the electronics in my car.
but you can’t care because you’re jealous of a nightmare that you created on your own,
just you and your friend guilty,
not my derek.
i was so in love,
why weren’t you?
it doesn’t matter to anyone,
the sun will still come up,
the only place that your lies darken are
your thoughts and mine.
but i didn’t ask for these nightmares,
i thought we were a fairytale
but you let me slip out of that dream,
to be smothered out;
i always lose everything.
guess you can call it a blessing,
but the truth untold will always haunt me.
so you can say what you want,
but i’ll know the truth when and if it ever comes,
because there will be a light in the dark that tries to burn.
until then,
i guess i will stay locked away,
under the thumb of your mistakes,
under the greed of your dishonesty.
if you ever found the time to just say the words,
tell the truth and nothing but,
instead of wasting what time we have
trying to find deceit within me,
well then maybe we have a chance in this life,
maybe in the next.
but if you can’t choose love instead of lies
then i will have to reprogram this mess,
travel back to the beginning of us,
eons ago,
and cut the lines that keep us in this
connected lie that never pans out well.
you said it yourself,
always fuck this up,
but i don’t deserve this..
not in this lifetime or the next.
make a choice love,
love or unrest.