Story About Ian & I
I left because I thought
He was in love with someone else
I left quietly
Took a plane back East
We didn’t talk abat it
Because I could not handle
Him saying “I no longer love you”
On the calendar marked
“Change of heart”
A psychic predicted
Did it manifest?
Or was it her that came between?
Did you like her best?
Was she better than me?
He was my One true love
We felt the warmth of each other’s love
In our hearts,
like waves of the Arizona summer
Twin souls we could communicate
Telepathy from far away
And mail a note answering my question
We traveled and camped
Mountain biked and fasted in the mountains
One night I meditated in the dessert
Activating my Merkabah
After preparation, final initiating
Steps to activating breathing love
Mid the activation breath
I hear a sound
In the silence of the desert
I suddenly heard two boots
crunching on the desert rocks
It was midnight, I was house sitting alone
What was it that had come?
It was the same sound,
I heard at home alone when I was young
But no person was visible, no one was there
Was it two ghosts or off-world beings?
Were they observing or trying to change the fabric of my being?
The fear I felt at unknown guests
The sound of someone in the dark silent
Midnight meditation in the desert
Lasted well beyond the night
Shaking I stopped scared
Scared to death I ran inside
Anxiety it triggered
I’d soon to find lasted
nearly my whole life
In the Arizona West
It trickled into all I did
Work, identity, relationships
Once the fear was activated
No longer coming purely from my heart
Fear had trickled in
Fear of losing you, of losing everything
And so I did.
I manifested.
Not from love but fear.
I lost you, my job, my home
I lost everything that year.
And since found myself alone
A deep dark cloud consumed my mind
And soul turned into mush,
a haze settled over me
As living in a bog
I could not think clearly
My brain was filled with fog
Back East I became truly lost
No one could glue me back together
With modern medicine
And so you helped me find a psychic
A legit medical intuitive
He saved my life with his prescribed
Exercise and dietary changes
Years of therapy and meds took
To heal what from the root core
That night was shook
And 20 years it took to have a a conversation
Long last over due
Why did they all stop loving me?
Tell me why did you?
He said he never stopped loving me
He had not loved anyone in 20 years since
He said he never stopped
But inside I was not convinced
I saw him hanging with another
Was she your friend or your lover?
Was I not good enough?
He said he never cheated
It was me he truly loved
And so 20 years we still had
Felt so much for each other
He planned to come from South Carolina
Out West to visit me that summer
We talking about how he’d love Ojai
He meditated day and night(on love)
The holistic vibe and yoga
A Bodhisattva from above
He lived with joy, and love and humor
He passed suddenly that summer
I know I could search all the world
And never find such a beautiful soul
He meditated on “love for all of life”
I could search the Earth both far and wide
Tirelessly all day and night
For never another so loving and joyful
Anywhere in the World
I would ever find
Love you forever. In memory of Ian
You will always be the One ❤️
-Chachi