Loneliness

Loneliness for me, is this painful feeling, like I'm being squeezed from the inside and my throat is closing up. It's this feeling that no one will ever love me or care for me as much as I love and care for them. My efforts will never be reciprocated in the same manner from the people I thought were my brothers and sisters. It's the feeling that I will be left alone in the end and nobody will even bat an eye if something were to happen to me. For me, loneliness is akin to being physically left alone because I fear that it is exactly what will happen as I age and grow. In fact, it is happening right now, as we speak. The people I have grown up with no longer require my presence or even crave it. For them, I am like a burden, a duty that they must fulfill, with their customary hellos and how are yous. But as of late, we barely speak to one another. It's as if our relationship was one-sided all along. Once I stopped approaching them, our bond ceased to exist. It was then I knew where I stood in their lives. I sometimes ponder whether I ever mattered to them at all. I feel stupid now, looking back at all the times I acted silly in front of them, if only to make them laugh. However, now that I know my place, I have distanced myself. Now I watch them from behind a screen, posting pictures with the people who really matter to them, while I start to feel a certain loathing for them as I gaze at their smiling faces. Nothing will ever be the same now.