sucks, contains language

hey man, i would write your real name but im to scared

that sounds weird but anything else i came up with was worse. i love you so much. like a lot. i wish i could say something corny like "i've never felt this way", but i have and last time i got hurt so bad and i just recently got over that. but here i am. fallen once again. i know that this is like a letter to you but i can never give it to you because you hate me and that won't ever change and now you have a girlfriend and things are so complicated. i will miss you a lot but i guess this is what is best. cause of your age and mine, the new girl, and how i fucked up bad. i missed my chance by two years. god damn that fucking sucks. i will respect your wishes and leave you be but that doesnt mean my feelings go away. i wish they would. but its all i think about. how it felt to feel your lips on mine. how we had so much in common. how we just clicked so well. is she better? is the new girl more funny, because thats one of your dealbreakers. or is she more pretty? do you call her beautiful, just like how you called me pretty? i drew nicolas cage because thats your favorite but i will never give it to you. never. i want you back so bad. this fucking sucks ass.

(sorry guys if you can't figure out the story but i needed to be raw to get this out and this challenge was the perfect way)