My not so father figure

Growing up I knew what I wanted to be, a princess, no wait thats not correct actually a doctor, but to my dad I would be a princess. Dad that word sounds familiar yet not familiar enough to be able to use it on him. He was everything but a father, never would be, never was, all those days spent missing him and crying for him at the age of 4 to the age of 6 when he was working in different cities or so it was said he was working, but hey a little kid like me has no reason to think otherwise, was I supposed to know that he's actually with another women of course not, but when you grow up and reach a certain age you realize thats exactly what he was doing. Imagine being in the fifth grade learning that your father who supposedly only worked far away because thats where the work was, was actually just spending time with his second family. To be exact his supposed ex-wife and his two songs which would make them my half-brothers is who he would be seeing.

It changed everything I thought of him I looked up at him as a kid because he took care of us, but thats far from what it was, my mother who played both roles took care of me and my brother while he was seeing his other family, she fed us, she kept us safe, took us to school and stayed up late when we needed to do homework. While he layeth in another womens bed, loving them instead of loving us, I slept in a home that I couldn't call home anymore. We were his family here, they were supposed to be his past life the family left back in Cuba while he came to the United States and yet they followed.

I think of all those memories when I needed both my parents for awards and for when I needed therapy but he wasn't there he was "working". While I struggled to stay alive, trying to not reach the end knowing all this information and not being able to do a single damn thing only allowed to sit back and watch. He slowly started to forget and not care about what we thought and now even though he thinks its still a secret we all know and I m sure a part of him knows we know.

My main problem is how can you sit here and tell me you love me and my brother not my mother of course but you can tell us and like everything is ok. Its not ok I will never be ok you screwed me up, I have anger issues because of you, I learned to lie at such a young age and how to get away with things, I learned to tell when your lying and when your going to see her. You criticize me and my brother all the time because I'm to fat for my age, which Im not I'm healthy actually and as for my brother he can't find a job yet so hes incompetent in your eyes but he was top of all his classes and even went for his masters with a full ride because of how smart he is. Not only that but how you did my mother, made me believe that was normal for a relationship, that it was ok for the man to cheat and tell you he loves you but not mean it, that they can want someone else at the same time and be with them while with you. All my failed relationships because of you because I thought it was ok to be treated like shit because thats what love was. You will never be my father although you live in this house, your house to be exact because it will never be me and my families home.

YOU WILL NEVER BE MY FATHER.