The first day we texted a feeling of laughter rose from the depths of loss and sadness, something not heard in quite a while.

Something grew like the moon in the night, yet weeks pass, now in silence, no longer able to express how or what is felt.

Wishing upon a star begging to be able to explain a loneliness that is felt within, the difference in air that lingers between us, wishing for you to see all that is within me.

Questions needing to be answered like a student to its master, feeling so much loss and joy;

Hours spent together, in silence, no longer a roaring sound as before, a yearning for it, longing for the beginning like watching a favorite show all over again.

Wanting to be seen even if they are noticed not like a toy that is used as kid until a shinier object surpasses the old and tattered doll but like the middle of rainbows, even the puddles in the rain that contain the joys of being jumped in as 5 year old.

I love you’s always stay stuck in a cycle until shown, I miss you’s heard but not seen, for walls of fog grow over. She is now something that was won like a prize on shelf collecting dust, although in the beginning she was gold star being pined for like a lil kid wanting his blue bear to show to their mother, saying “mommy mommy look what I gots I dids everything to earn its.”

She wants to grow with you wants to be seen as how it was as he first laid those brown eyes on her and first proclaimed “ye shall be mine till the seas part for us as they once did many moons ago, even if thy shall proclaimith not”

Darkness, quite peaceful...

now bright with sound, crying..

This is life entombed in the womb of a mother for 9 months no matter the animal or person. Grown and taken care of to be pushed out into our own little vase "1,2,3 push".

Walking and talking watching as the mothers hunts for food down the aisle, pouncing at dinner our in the forest.

Life a beautiful home come from a spring, led to death a gleaming white light that takes us to a new world where glowing figures gather around one another welcoming everyone off the boat.

"Welcome one, welcome all"

All from different parts of this planet, animals cheer, people clap, and plants flourish. Some stand still wandering, looking to find the exit back to reality, but this is what has become for us the "new old". No memories resonate within them, but yet the longing of wanting to live lingers on.

If he only knew how much I want to text him again. Do things different, love him better, make all our future plans happen.

I want everything with him, that white house with a white picket fence. From the moment I met him, I knew a part of me would always look for you in the crowds, hoping you actually miss me. He’s the first person I fought for and didn't care what anyone thought.

Missing someone is a complicated situation because you don’t just miss them but you miss their soul, there being as a whole until they return. I want him there in all the good things in my life because he is what makes it good. Maybe because at the end of the day I love him and I always will.

The night we met, the stars shined brighter for us.

The night we met I knew you’d be the one

I fell for your smile, all those small glances.

That night we met I fell in love with the thought of being yours. And ever since that night I couldn’t let you go, because I know we will be ok

I want to go back to that night not to stop what will happen but to push myself to talk to you sooner.

I know what I love. I love him, his smile, his eyes, his lashes are so long. His hair, a lot of people have it like that but its nice on him.

His laugh, it fills a room in my heart and every time he laughs my heart makes this sound. His height, I like being able to look up at him and smile at him. The warmth he gives me is like sitting in front of a fireplace on a cold winters night. He’s home to me he’s safe to me, and I wanna spend all my time with him.

Dear genie, for the three wishes I shall make em count..

I wish to forget you, the person who left for a month and chose to come back when I was finally fine in life again, when I no longer felt the burning tears roll down my cheeks.

I wish to forget all the memories we made along the way, because you were wholeheartedly the first person I loved in the form of a first love again, which is rarely ever possible.

I wish to forget all the pain you caused me, all the sleepless nights full of worry, while you smoke and drank, all for you to think it would be ok to come in a destroy all the things built.

I can’t stop the feeling that someones catching up, the mad hatter has returned, I run laps in this mind I carry, but carrying that is like trying to hold a boulder above water.

The hatter, for she hasn't been around in a while but she's coming, for you and for me how many more laps can I run before I get tired, for that I shall never know

1,2,3, I count on all my fingers

1,2,3, I'm looking at the clock seeing time go by faster

1,2,3, the feeling is going away

1,2, I can no longer sense my third finger

my whole body is numb now, I can no longer talk

all my anxieties are now counted in my thoughts