Soon to be Embers

It's not easy to start a fire in the dead of winter. Takes Cam a full twenty minutes, June and I watching from the hammock we hung in the trees.

It's a dark night, but the moon shines vibrantly from behind a stray cloud. Once the fire is alive I go and stand next to Cam, picking at the sleeves of my sweater. He hands me a cup and we coax June over for a shot. She makes a face at the taste. I take another.

The ground is sloped down, a pile of leaves and a jut of land just a few yards away, then a drop into more forest. I find a morbid solace in the fact that I could roll right down and disappear into the trees if I wanted. Don't know what makes me think it, but I like the thought that I could get away.

Cam is squatting by the fire, nudging it around with a stick. June goes and sits on a tree stump, baggy jeans flaring out like two angry nostrils. She takes a hit of her vape, smoke combining with smoke.

The heat of the fire is intense on my cheeks, maybe that means I stand there too long watching Cam. He cut his hair and it makes him look like the boys I used to see in church, not like him at all. Close-cropped to the head like he's getting sent off to war.

We'll all be sent off again soon, June to Kentucky and Cam to New York. I'll be in Michigan. We can only hope college won't tear us all apart, that we'll do this again next time we're all home.

Staring into the flames, I can't help but reminisce on last summer, before we left. We threw a party at June's dad's house, she still regrets it. Filled the bathtub with jungle juice and broke the window in the kitchen trying to open it. Everybody was there, everybody important. We'd sat in the basement with all the lights off, lit a candle and told ghost stories without any ghosts. Cam burned his hand on the flame, a little too drunk, I'd taken him upstairs and kissed him accidentally.

Now Cam's in charge of the fire and I'm in charge of the drinking. June is using a stick to draw a cat with fangs in the frozen ground. I wonder if we know each other any more.

I go over to look out at the drop. Doesn't seem that far down. Stand between two trees, take hold of both trunks and lean all my weight forward so they're the only things keeping me in place. Wonder if they're old, if they'll snap, if I'll be sent flying. I stay like that for a few minutes. Nothing happens.

June calls me back, tells me I've got to be cold. I am, kind of. Not really. I breathe out and watch the cloud of condensation. Count the seconds I can see it like I counted the months.

I turn back. Cam's a silhouette, June is lit up by the fire, arms crossed. I wanna know if they've made new friends but I'm afraid to ask.

I make my way back, June is singing now, foot stamping out a beat. Cam turns to smile at me, share a look just like we used to. The fire is warm, soon to be embers but not quite yet.