Timeless

“Will it always be this way?”

I ask you while we are intertwined, naked, close.

The world exists only within these four walls. Time is irrelevant in this moment.

We are gazing into each other’s eyes as if discovering new dimensions. You run your finger up my arm, tracing the marks, intrigued to know more.

I shiver, not because it’s cold, but because I feel electric. You’re looking at me like I’m the only person in the world that exists.

Days go by and we become part of each other’s every day lives. We are intertwined through body, heart, soul, mind. You tell me how much you are amazed by me, and how lucky you are to have found me. I feel this too, when I look at you, I’m in awe. I have a strange sense of remembering you. All my life, you were like a distant memory that could have been a dream or fantasy, or something in-between. Memories carried over with the soul from previous lives. I’m home.

As the weeks go on, the love we have for each other encourages personal growth and we work to achieve it. In the process, we face challenges from our external and internal worlds. We trip and stumble over the triggers we pull. Unhealed wounds resurface to be cleansed. Exposed and open, vulnerability becomes like the ocean..coming in waves. I say things that hurt you, words that don’t always come out the way I mean. The shadow in me that comes out ugly and dark leaves a mark on your heart in a way I wish I could erase and replace with the look in your eyes when we first met. The look of adoration and admiration that only comes with a clean slate. The only feeling that is worse than the self-loathing I feel when I cause you pain is the way you look at me like I’m a stranger; as you withdrawal to become distant and cold. This is your defense mechanism, as I now know. The instinct to pull away, to think the worst. You ask me, “Will it always be this way?”

I flinch. To ask that question in a moment like this, a moment in time when you and I do not align and we aren’t seeing eye to eye..it hurts. And now we both are hurt. And that hurts. Because we don’t like to hurt each other.

As the months go by, we strive to do better. We air our grievances in a constructive way that doesn’t leave the other person feeling left out in the cold, alone. (Admittedly, I had to work harder at this than you, but you gave me room to grow.) And you have learned to put your guard down and to not run away. We still trip over ourselves, still get stuck in our own ways, but our love is strong enough to overcome any of these obstacles in our way. Will it always be this way?

As the years go on, our love and respect for each other has carried us through the best and the worst of times. And there have been so many good times, and some really bad times, too. We can look back at where we started and see how much we’ve grown and how much we’ve overcome. And how much we have changed. We have learned that life won’t always be this way, you won’t always be this way, and neither will I. We have fallen in and out of love with each other many times- with many different versions of who we were, who we are, and who we will be. Because, you see, love is a choice. And every day of my life, I have chosen to love you, as you have loved me.

Through times of doubt, struggle, pain, anger, sorrow-

and in times of laughter, happiness, joy, peace; in times of depression and times of grief, through times of madness and times of relief, through different dimensions, and spiritual planes, and moments frozen in time that only you and I can explain;

will it always be this way? The answer I know, is no. No it will not and that’s okay because we are not stagnant we cannot stay

Here

As we are. We will grow together and we will grow apart, fall apart, unraveling we will come apart and at times question if maybe it was better at the start

But

I know in my heart, we will never be too far apart. And just as we pull away we will find a way back to move forward.

You are the person meant for me,

And I for you, and through all the chaos that’s ensued I know

This one thing to be true,

When you look into my eyes,

I still feel butterflies.

©S.J.Reed