I ponder my existence
Do I exist at all?
How do we know any of this is true?
In an Instant
My phone rang just as we drove over the state line. My brother’s voice is shaky on the other end, I can hardly hear him. I must have heard him wrong. He’s crying. “Dave! Dave what’s wrong?”
“I just got home. Dad is on the kitchen floor. He’s dead.”
I fantasize for all to see, you are being controlled subliminally.
You are told what to think and who to be,
On the radio, in the magazines, the newspapers, the TV!
Oh, what a fantasy! Imagine what it could be,
with no more news media telling you why you should hate me.
We don't have to agree on everything,
but what if we realize this is okay? So we welcome our differences with open minds
and open hearts. We sit and listen to a different perspective with intent to learn and not to harm. And the more we listen, the more we see that so many of us want so many of the same things.
Do you ever stop and wonder what this world would be
without hate; war; greed; poverty?
What if we all woke up one day and...actually woke up. We all realize we have been sold lies by the people in power who convinced us there is a line,
and you must pick a side...all just to cause a great divide.
We awake from our slumber with groggy eyes and foggy minds that begin to clear, tasting the garbage we swallowed and hearing the fading echo of compliance that's been whispered in our ears.
And as the dust clears, we begin to build a world together filled with much more love than hate,
my fantasy of a world that only a new reality can create.
Our love was short,
sweet like candy,
bitter like a cherry tart.
You stole my heart,
I became prisoner to your soul,
Freedom is the price I paid.
I never should have stayed,
but I played the game,
and neither of us came out a winner.
As months went on, my world became dimmer,
I am a shadow of darkness,
in a world of blue.
Bruises fade but I can't forget you,
cold like February,
There's no escaping the pain.
I flinch now when I hear your name,
as the train takes me far away,
and I know I will never be the same.
She Deserved Better
I imagine a world for my daughter that never existed.
I fantasize about a childhood for her that didn't have pain, at such a young age.
A world where her father had been a better man.
In my mind, I erase the days he took her to his mistress when she was five, convincing her to lie, and I pretend, instead, he took her to the park and pushed her on the swings. The nights when he was out drinking and running in the streets, never happened because he was at home with her, helping to pick out her pajamas and her favorite stuffed animal, and reading her stories until she fell asleep in his arms, feeling safe and loved.
The times when he taught her love comes with a price, become erased and replaced with a loving father teaching her that his love is unconditional, that she is beautiful, and valued, and enough just by being who she is.
I replace his cold, harsh words with warmth, his womanizing ways with empowerment, his lies with truth.
The hidden bottles, the smell of liquor on his breath, the seething hatred and contempt,
vanish as quickly as his memory after a long night at the bar.
I fantasize he chooses to prioritize her, over everything else,
days when she would sit and wait to see his car arrive outside end with him arriving on time, sober and of sound-mind. Excuses and blame become lessons in accountability, responsibility, and growth.
He calls her and asks about her day,
He shows up at her games,
He takes care of her if she is sick,
He protects her from harm against all else.
I see what he could have been, what she deserved. If only I had one wish upon a star, I'd rewrite the story to fill in the broken pieces of her heart.
Truth Be Told
My mind is like the wreckage after a hurricane, a blood bath:
heart vs. brain;
So insane how words can be the only thing keeping me sane.
I push the past away,
don’t wanna' be a prisoner no' more,
not trying to let it through one more door.
I push and push and pray for the pain to fade, but who am I praying to? No one listens any way.
Time doesn’t exist.
I’m stuck in a different dimension, no one on this level of comprehension.
I need people like me,
it’s a lonely place to be.
No matter which way I go, I can’t win.
Hearts been torn again and again,
Through it all, there's only been one true friend.
Truth be told,
It’s writing that saves my soul.
Truth be told,
It's writing that saves my soul.
These words are a part of who I am,
I've got so much to say,
words that stay bottled up inside,
infecting my mind and the anxiety just won’t subside.
That's why I do what I do,
why I take the pen to paper and let it flow;
Truth be told
it's writing that saves my soul
Truth be told
it's writing that saves my soul
Truth be told
It’s writing that saved my soul.
I am the earth
I am the sound
I am the tree
The tree is me.
I am the wind
I am the stream
I am the bird
The bird is me.
You are the earth
You are the sound
You are the tree.
You are the wind
You are the stream
You are the bird
You are me.
We are you
We are me
We are energy.
Into the darkness
It's hard to breathe here,
You’re suffocating in toxicity.
You try to blink back tears and can taste their salt,
wounds may heal but scars remember their own pain.
You want escape so you seek refuge in the safe corners of your brain.
You feel yourself slipping deeper but you fight back and at times,not only survive- you thrive.
But you know this will be short-lived,
For the shadows
always creep back in- stealing the light,
And you’re dragged back down into darkness like night,
Into those places where the pain runs deep,
Into memories like nightmares that won't allow you to sleep.
The student and the teacher
When I’m talking to her, really talking to her…
I’m talking to myself. My younger-self,
and trying to say the things I’d want to have said to me, if I were her.
I’m trying to be the parent I needed. So I try to be the parent that she needs,
to improve myself to help her improve.
This is love. Unconditional. Pure.
Soiled only by the demons that have crept on my back,
I keep pushing them back;
The ghosts and voices of the dead and the damned, the righteous and the grand…
All take a stand.
She is not me. She is everything I am and could be,
and so much more.
I worry for what lies ahead on the other side of Future's door.
It’s not a pretty world, I say. As I try to explain to her,
Well maybe it is, it can be.
I’m not without fault. I’ve made my mistakes along the way,
Perhaps that’s why I’m more forgiving of hers,
I’d have needed more forgiveness when I look at my younger-self,
so I will give it now for her.
And in turn, I see myself through her eyes,
And hear myself through her words.
She mirrors to me, what I can work on within,
She challenges me,
my friend and my kin.
Let me enlighten you.
You spit your poison when you speak,
Lies ripped open because your words are weak. Let’s take a look at this:
You think you’re smart but that’s what stupid people do.
You’re conniving and would be cunning if you had a wit or two.
I can spin circles around you.
Yeah it’s true,
I can tear you to pieces without laying a finger on you.
Step this way and follow me,
I will outsmart, outstep, and outshine you.
I'm everything you wish you could be and more,
I’d have to drink a bottle of liquor just to even the score.
I wonder how you made it this far.
Then I remember; I already know.
You’re a leach, a cockroach, a parasite that won’t let go.
You’re a drain,
Like the hole at the bottom of a sink;
You don’t think,
And yet you have so much to say,
But let me enlighten you when I say,
I’m a much more advanced species than you and that’s what keeps you here another day.