the longest poem know to man

ive cried every day this week

and I'm not sure why

ive never been so fucking depressed

but it's alright

or at least I think it is

i've listened to more music

but each song makes me sad

ive paid much more attention to the words

"I had a feeling so peculiar

that this pain would be for

Evermore"

i listened to that song for an hour staight

while crying

and lying in bed instead of going to work

keeping my boyfriend worried

keep him on his toes

i'm on my toes too

i don't know why I feel like this

why it wont stop

no one is mad at me

so why do I feel that the world is against me

like there is a gun to my back

i almost want him to pull the trigger

he wont

who cares what I want

but I just want to be okay

why is it so hard to feel normal

fuck

fuck

i cant stop my fingers

they move at lighting speed

writing the longest poem know to man

nobody will read it, stupid

it's not pleasant, because my mind hasn't been pleasant

nobody wants to know what you're going through

they want to read an entertaining piece of art

write that

no, I don't want to I can't

who cares who reads it, I wrote it

barely, I havent even got out of bed today

i woke up at 2pm

lazy

sloppy

ungrateful

be better

i can't

im trying my best

so try harder

i can barely keep myself clean

THEN TRY HARDER

i cant

i cant

i cant

you wont

you wont

you wont

your the reason for all your problems

self-sabatoage is your middle name

you wont get up

you wont work on your album

you wont write poetry

you wont smile

you wont change your clothes

you wont take a shower

it's possible, you just wont

you want to stay sad

admit it

you like feeling helpless

you like that lack of control

i dont

but you need it

i can't have this conversation

you wont

you avoid confrontation because you love it

fine I wont have this conversation

goodnight