even through the struggles, and darkness - there is light in my veins

I know that sometimes my face speaks of discomfort, and unease, that what you see seems discontent.

And it is.

It is extremely discontent in a short moment of time that will pass.

It's a repeated reaction triggered by all the struggles that life has put me through. But this struggle is an aftershock of all the past lives that still echo sometimes in the tissue. It's a vibration, a ripple on the face of water that at times still causes circles to appear. Something that is not responsible for the present but affects me because of the past.

To be honest I have never felt more happier, more alive, more settled into my bones - with a grounded soul that rests in the home it never truly knew it had. It is something so deeply beyond measure that I can never truly name.

It bursts through my seams, covering me with light when the darkness floats out of me.

My heart is filled with joy, my soul breathing in and out like it has never before, finally free to feel all that it was meant to feel. I am happy and filled with so many feelings and emotions that I can't always contain.

They leak out of me,

each little drop deepening the solid rocks that used to contain my prison.

I cannot say how much your touch means to me, or how deeply I feel each of your caresses, even the slightest one, even the most subtle.

I sink into you completely, I MERGE into a universe that fits so well

and that I still struggle to give a name, to give an explanation.

My love, I have found a home in you, and because of that I am most vulnerable with you, and around you - no matter if your presence is caused by the barely few inches you were from me for the past few days - or oceans apart.

I wish I could tell you how my skin feels against yours, how my body and mind rests, how my bones sigh in relief whenever you touch me - but somehow I cannot find words for it - how could I if there aren't enough of them to fill in all the gaps

that make the picture of us

this mosaic of light and dark, of the struggles and the victories,

of the traumas that we had to deal with and the good that we brought by existing

in each other's lives,

of the most beautiful multicolored stained glass that comes to life when you are near - physically or in the energy that travels to my heart and yours - the energy that bursts

out so eagerly out of us

when our souls talk when they whisper to each other.

I am happy with you, even in the moments when I feel a little lost with myself,

a bit non-believing in the person that I have evolved into.

But trust me when I say - this heart of mine has never felt so at home as it has since the day we collided - growing in size in ways that far beyond my comprehension.

Every kiss, every touch, every breath, every inhale...

I am finally connected - I am finally home.

I am warm when you are near, melting into the tapestry of our souls

into the map of our bodies - into the lines that make our lips, into each fragment that marks our skin... and when the weight of your body covers me,

when you give in and surrender to me - when you allow me to take you in completely

I feel safer that I have ever felt before - I am safe. I am home

without a single doubt in my being.