Ramblings of my brain
Frozen
An icy touch of death
a moment of indecision
paralyzed in every way
anxiety creeping up inside of me
am I going to be ok?
Frozen,
its just another night.
Frozen,
Can I see the light?
I sit at my bed
inside of my head
fear
betrayal
help,
I said.
But that was long ago.
I have come far along this road.
The one that leads to hours of sleep
Desperate staring, silence glaring.
Can't get up
Can't take a bath.
My mind tells my arm to move
but I can't do that.
I'm frozen
in inescapable fear
my body and mind seize
my heart upon a brease
clouds cross the sky
time is ticking by
but I cannot move a mussel
in my mind I struggle
tick tock goes the clock
creeping toward the end
1 hour
2 hours
3 hours
4
here I am, staring at the floor.
No one else is around
I should feel safe
but endless insecurities are grinding at my gates
A new day rises
I haven't slept a wink
Didn't move a mussel
but never did I sleep.
I take my meds at seven am.
for five minutes, I sleep
Night time meds
Seven am was when I finally went to bed
Frozen
out of control
I sit at the mirror and watch my tragedy unfold
meaningless words are written on a page
PTSD, psychology, no one can help
no one can help me
four years I've tried and tried again
four hours I spent, staring at my bed
willing myself to move
the tragedy ensues
Coffee, medicine, skipping days of school
anxiety, therapy and still I stare at you.
I stare at night, sitting in my bed
I cannot get your image out of my head
I can't forget your touch:
wrinkled, worn and cold
A tragedy that happened years ago continues to unfold
I'm told
I'm told
it continues to unfold
can't wait
can't wait
yet you froze me here in place
four days
four years
four times I wished you'd never been here
yet here you are
knocking at my door
go away
I can't handle you anymore.
Not anymore
Not anymore
I can't handle you anymore
Circles
Circles
run my brain
slowly decay
slowly decay
frozen in place
I stare at your face