Bipolar

I’m happy today

or at least content

but is this real

or the dreaded chemical change?

There’s nothing

for me to be happy about.

But I’m running and lifting weights.

Looking forward to the evening.

But will this happiness

become giddy excitement

followed by a flurry of activity,

an avalanche of creativity?

That becomes sleepless restlessness,

frustration and anger,

throwing shit and screaming

until the bottom drops out

and I sink to the bottom of existence

where all that’s there is a long, dark death

and me at the bottom of a pit

pointing a gun to my head.

But today I’m happy

or at least content

so maybe I should allow myself

some respite.

But I’ll tell my shrink tomorrow

either way

because for me,

content is unusual.