We're like an empty page, 

waiting for the feel of ink,

waiting for a touch of truth,

it's love we know, I think,

a seed to grow as we age.

Being warm but still so cold,

I'm dizzy but falling faster, 

waiting to be caught by you, 

wanting to feel your warmth, 

loving you is all I knew. 

saying everything we mean,  

not a word left untold.

is it heaven or disaster?

Heaven I'm 100% sure, 

like being in paradise,

I'm always here, you're, 

always here too. 

your hand is mine to hold, 

I'm falling in love with you, 

please catch me when I land, 

it's like laying on a beach, 

toes buried in the sand, 

I know you feel it, 

You're here, I'm not cold. 

That one person that makes you smile, 

when you begin to see everything is gone, 

the one person that's defiantly worth a while, 

because he will never leave you all alone, 

the one that will always be there for you, 

try to make it better when you're cryin', 

the one that will always love all of you, 

the one that fixes you when you're dyin', 

the one that's always been there, 

no matter what you said or didn't say, 

the one who honestly loves and cares, 

in almost, if not all, every single way, 

He's the absolute one for me, its true, 

and somewhere I've always knew. 

There's a girl who smiles often, 

just a little one in a big world, 

Eyes bright, hair curled, 

a heart of stone she could soften. 

She grew and the world turned gray, 

she was living in a world so fake, 

it was too hard of a pill to take, 

of her pain she would never say. 

She met a boy, one who smiled often, 

never could figure out why, 

why he never wants to cry, 

never felt like just crawling in a coffin. 

One day she asked him why? 

"Why do you smile?

It's not worth your while." 

that's when she began to cry.

He wrapped an arm around her, 

told her it was only fake, 

just hiding his mistakes, 

He hadn't known about her.

He hadn't known the tears, 

that spilled down her face, 

hadn't known this place, 

even after all these years, 

He didn't know she felt the same, 

just living through another day, 

couldn't find the right words to say, 

he was just glad she came. 

She screamed and shoved him away, 

trying not to believe him, 

not trusting him, 

and with tears he went away. 

She sits on a bench alone now, 

he left her alone, faded away, 

left her to die, no words to say, 

left her wondering how?

How had she become so cold?

living in hell, alone, 

her only friend gone, 

truth has to be told. 

Her eyes so bright are dull,

washed away the shine with tears, 

barely surviving her fears, 

she waits for Death to pull. 

People see the broken like they will always be, 

they perceive the scarred and damaged, or lost, 

but they don't understand us, all they really see, 

our hearts of gold are covered in sparkling frost, 

They don't know we've been to Hell and back, 

we've seen it all, it's not as scary the second time, 

We don't wanna feel, don't wanna begin to crack, 

so we cover ourselves with fake dirt and grime. 

We don't search for happiness, all we want is peace, 

inner peace, outer peace, tired of living in Hell, 

so empty now that we create the cracked centerpiece, 

all those who fade away we smile and wish them well,

No, we are not okay, sick and tired, but that is fine, 

we'll just fade away, read in between the faded line.

I've tried and died, I can't do this, 

I loved and cried, What did I miss?

I missed you every second every day, 

what more can I do to make you stay?

I don't know if I can keep holding on, 

I love you so much, now you're gone.

Thoughts of hurt seep into my brain, 

my heavy heart sinks in the sea of pain. 

I begin to wonder if you ever loved me, 

maybe it was just my stupid fantasy, 

Either way, one fact remains very true, 

whether you're gone or here, I need you.

When you're young, all you want is to be accepted, 

as you get older the world turns so much colder. 

You realize nine times out of ten you are rejected, 

leaving the fire of emotion alone to smolder. 

I wish someone had told me these true things, 

before I went and said something; started to believe, 

started dreaming of true love and wedding rings, 

all the hopes I had, oh how I was so naive. 

Days went by, the tears just fell faster and faster, 

Years came and went, barely even slowing down, 

always a smile worn, a smile just like plaster, 

concealing the fact that I would rather frown, 

These days I sit and think about it all, 

and wonder if it was really worth the fall. 

     I stared at the maroon door, hesitating, second-guessing my decision to come back here, come back to this place where the Devil lives a couple houses down, and his best friend is the mayor. I remembered the last time I saw that door, slamming it in my parent's face, walking out on that life. I remembered how bad I wanted to take my little brother with me, innocent yet so close to demons, but I walked away without him. This would be the first time in ten years I would see him. I turned away, like I did before, and took small steps back to my car. I heard the door open, and cringed at the voice that said, "Look who came back."  

     Slowly I turned around, and stared at the face I've hated for years. Yes, it looks just as it did years ago. His piercing blue eyes and smirking lips wore the look of being superior and egotistical narcissistic attitudes perfectly. "No, Dad, I was just remembering how much I hate you all." I smiled, seeing his startled reaction. 

      "Honey, let the boy in. He's probably starving." Mother's desperate attempt to please her husband seemed to fail. 

      "Marabeth, we don't feed beggars remember?" He smiled at me, the person which he despised most. I was the result of a failed marriage between him and his ex wife, Emily, and he hated admitting I was his. The same feeling were reciprocated from me, I hated admitting he was my father, and he hated that. He hated everything about me. 

      "If it makes you feel better to put your own son down, so be it. But I'm not here for you, I came to see Jason. So fuck off." I said, walking up the stairs of the porch. By then, Jason was standing in the doorway as he was trying to remember who wanted to see him. 

     He was a taller than I remembered, and a little more mature, but still he was my half-brother. "Hey Jason. Remember me?" I said, searching his eyes for a spark of recognition.

     He stared at me with brown eyes, confused. I sighed, he doesn't remember me. "We should let him come in. C'mon." He said, in his deep 17-year-old voice. 

     Once inside, the flood of memories attacked my brain. I pushed them away, building damns. I pushed away every drunken fight, every "I hate you"s exchanged, every "Why don't you just leave then"s screamed, every memory I ever made in this stupid house.  Why did you come back? My brain screamed at me. "I don't know." I screamed back in my head. 

     We all sat down at the table, Dad on one end of the table, Jason to his right, Marabeth on the other end of the table, and I to Dad's left. I always found it weird that we just did immediate family at Thanksgiving, when everybody else goes to someone else's house for a huge family gathering where everyone laughs and jokes and lays down on the arguing for a night or two. 

     Marabeth got up to check the turkey, leaving the us three boys alone. This was a recipe for disaster, leaving my father and I in the same room alone, and he never missed a chance to torment me, but I kept my mouth shut for Jason's sake. 

     "So, kid, what's become of you? Are you a drug dealer or something low like that?" He asked, smiling a fake smile so fake artificial cheese would say it's fake. 

     "Nope. I'm in a band." I lied, just for a reaction. 

     "Oh so you smoke pot and write nonsense verses all day. Makes since, that's pretty low." By this time, Marabeth had come back in, snickering, holding the hot turkey. I always thought my father and she made a great couple, each seeking to prove their importance to one another. 

     I smiled and said politely "Dad, I'm a journalist. Make fun of my profession I dare you." Challenge flared in my eyes. I glanced at Jason, and he couldn't stop staring at me. 

     "It's a stupid profession. Anything you do is stupid. What a dumb son of mine. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with a failure like you anymore."

     Jason looked as if he was going to be sick. "Jason? Are you okay?" I asked, not even bothering to retaliate to my dad's toxic words. 

     He looked at me gravely and said, "They said you were dead. They told me you died on the street somewhere." He said. "But it's really you. How can this be?" 

     "YOU WHAT?" I yelled at my parents, standing up. "YOU TOLD HIM I WAS DEAD? WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU BASTARDS?" I screamed. 

     I had grabbed my coat and had my hand on the door knob when my father said, "The problem is not with us, it's with you. You're better off dead trust me."

     "Why do you hate me so much? Why am I 'better off dead' huh?" I calmly said, as the fire of anger burned in my eyes. 

     "Because. Your whore mother slept with my brother, thus creating an abomination like you. You ruined the marriage I had, you ruined everything. I hate you so." He said, once looking like he told the truth. 

     For the second time in my life, I walked out that slamming maroon door, intending to never look back. Never again would I go back there. Instead, I had a bone to pick with my mother. 

I may be a lady without a temper and silent, 

but cross me and you will pray for your demise, 

I may look sugar sweet, but I can be violent, 

Be honest with me, I will be okay, be wise. 

I will bottle your blood and keep it close, 

to show the next ignorant fellow to hurt me, 

Fight with me, you will see what no one knows, 

C'mon start a war with me, Hell is all you'll see. 

I won't just kill you slowly, no that wouldn't suffice, 

First I will make sure you lose everything you care, 

No, I swear it,  I promise I do not play so nice, 

Blood for blood, an eye for an eye, you I won't spare. 

Now you see, treat me good, you will be okay, 

Just think twice before telling a lie, anyway. 

Waking up, darkness surrounds, 

breath catches in my throat, please,

I plead, help, I'm lost in the sounds, 

Terrified, don't want to be space-bound

it's just as avoidable as a lethal disease.

Darkness is blinding, where am I?

only hearing the words I never said, 

it's too much to take, I begin to cry, 

I never got the chance to say good-bye, 

Pain in my chest, it begins to spread. 

I get up fast, refusing to bow down, 

hold my head up high with resistance, 

Silently I pray, don't you let me drown,

sand beneath my feet, like a ghost town,

I have killed them by my mere existence.

Slowly I take my steps, breathing deep, 

Refusing to feel, to make me remain, 

My heart was, no is, yours to keep, 

maybe now I might get some sleep, 

Maybe if I do this I won't feel pain. 

Wandering the desert of my mind, 

step by step, swallowing my fears, 

leaving the ones I love far behind, 

wondering what I will ever find,

attempting to dry my own tears. 

It's been hours now, and I'm trying, 

ignorant to the thirst, praying for rain, 

help me, please, its like I'm dying, 

I know you're there, and you're crying, 

I'm not there, I can't ease your pain. 

I've been searching, looking around, 

but I haven't found a single drop, 

of you, of life, of me, I confound, 

its all poisoned, even if it was found, 

Please, help me find at least a drop.