What would have happened

If a different path was chosen

Where would I be

If I hadn’t been frozen

Would the tears

Have showed signs of slowing

Or would they

Have begun overflowing

Who else would have been there

If anyone at all

Would I be free to leave

Or coffined behind my own walls

The decisions we make come with

Consequences; unable to rehearse

Suffocating in the what ifs

Of a parallel universe

Everything is fine

But is it really?

How is it going?

Questions asked involuntarily

The weather is beautiful

But, I can’t say I feel so myself

I need to buy groceries for dinner

But, I’m falling off of my shelf

Just keep walking and smiling

It shouldn’t hurt so much

Humans can’t be broken

They’re shattered with the lightest touch

There’s nothing more painful than living

From the moment we begin to exist

To the instant leading to our demise

Our hands are forced into tightly knotted fists

There’s no time to breathe

No time for expression

Wasting our time

In isolated suppression

There’s nothing more painful than hoping

Dreaming of futures

That will never exist

In a world that’s held together by fraying sutures

Lying awake

Sleepless nights

Afraid to dream hopeless dreams

Shades of blacks and whites

There’s nothing more painful than trying

Drowning in expectations

Suffocating and dying

Failing the work of generations

Giving it my all

But, not quite reaching everyone’s bars

Feeling forlorn on the inside

The outside full of scars

Today I am wearing

My battle scars

Accumulated over years

Spent behind imaginary bars

ONE. Society and me don’t fit

Like a child trying to stuff

A triangle into a square

Eventually giving up and finding it too tough

TWO. My angles are too angular

Not enough fat on my bones

But, fat is also a bad thing

For it’ll weigh me down like stones

THREE. I run too fast

Too quick to judge

But, I should have seen it coming

If my brain wasn’t sludge

FOUR. I box myself in

Don’t come out of my room

But, if I talk too much

I’ll just be another one they consume

FIVE. My imagination bursts too dramatically

Out of my seams

But, my words are too bland

Not enough to carry my dreams

SIX. My curiosity, like the cat

Will eventually get me killed

But, I’m simply too simple

And will never be skilled

SEVEN. I’m smart for my age

Might even get a scholarship or two

But, what’s the point in studying

If I don’t share the same point of view

EIGHT. I feel too many emotions

Opening up to anyone willing to listen

But, my muscles don’t work hard enough

Sweat the only thing that will glisten

NINE. My tears stream too freely

Fragile enough to be swept up in the wind

But, my blood flows too viscous

In urgent need to be thinned

TEN. I can’t seem to sit still enough

Can’t resist the urge to fidget

But, I’ll never be able to raise my voice

I’m just another midget

ELEVEN. I talk a little too quickly

A disoriented mumbling mess

But, when my words do make sense

They often don’t impress

TWELVE. I don’t make friends quickly

I haven’t learned to trust

But, when I can finally accept another

They find a way to leave behind only their dust

THIRTEEN. I’ve realized that I’ve had enough

I can’t live in this world of contradictions

That’s why I given up

Not bound by any restrictions

Shuttered away in muffled corners

Observing in a shroud of her own

Making silent calculations

Whilst grinding her jawbone

Muttering maniacal murmurs

Too hushed to be seen

Planning out her motives

So as not to make a scene

Foreign to hesitation

Distant was her style

She was enough

To make the devil smile

#devil #smile #apprentice