Am I crazy? What will they make of this? Truth be told, I can't tell. It is Friday, the 17th of March. At 11:44am. I document this moment, because this is the moment I lost my bearings.

Most of the time when people say they lose their bearings they mean they're physically lost. They don't know where they're headed and they don't know where they've been. I on the other hand am astounded... befuddled... amused? I don't even know what words work with this type of discovery.

You see I was walking along in the precarious way I do, and mind you I was inebriated. I have an extensive piece of land and to reach my home quickly without a car you have to take a few off road turns. My friend had got close from the bar and I had her drop me off. We were out taking pictures and drinking at a bar on a beach. And, with all my pride I thought it good to haul my way back to my house.

I had just turned off trail when I saw it. It was on the edge of the woods in the trail in front of me. I stared at the creature, yes creature I don't know what it was, wide-eyed. Even from a distance I could tell it was larger than I, much larger. It threw its head back and let out a call like a wolf howling at the moon. And then barreled away with sunlight glinting off its tusks and antlers.

I, even in my intoxicated state, had enough sense to snap a picture with my Polaroid. The flash went off and I was blinded for a mere second, and when the blur cleared away the creature was long gone.

I stumbled over to the place where it appeared to leap away and there was no damage to the surrounding foliage by the sleek and furry creature. I sighed with discontent and continued on my way shaking the picture all the while.

At some point I reached my home and collapsed on the coach. Which is where I awoke this morning. I sat there flabbergasted trying to put order to what I saw last night. When I remembered the photo at last I dug around to look for it. 

I found it underneath a glass of water. Lifting it I gasped in horror. In my drunken state I had failed to take a proper photo. It was blurry, and too dark, yet too bright. I moaned aloud seeing I had no hope to prove my sanity. So I reach out to you on this site.

I saw something no man has ever seen before, and I still wander the woods and in hope of finding the creature once more. So promise me, take this tale to heart because it is more true than the fact that humans drink water to survive. One day I will prove my sanity and find the thing and take a proper photo to present, and everyone will know I am telling you the truth. Till then know that if what I saw was possible anything is. There is so much more to this world than we know.

I've too much time to think

Within my paper cell

With walls too white

And light too bright

I must shut my eyes

But upon closing them

I begin to see

Every little fantasy

Living in my memory

Wrongs to right

Regrets gave flight

To further my dismay

I've not time to speak my mind

When speaking leads decay

Which in truth

Then makes me lose

You see it's quite the circle

When I talk less

I dont get blest

Making more a fickle

To add regrets

'Tis to lengthen time 

For which I am athinking

About the times

I lost my rhymes

Oh this gave me aweeping

If only I had me a window

For my soul to see

To escape this parody

But oh alas

you may laugh

Won't feed my wrath

I promise

I happen to be deaf 

(At least to your problems)

See this paper cell I live in

Tis good for one thing

Keeping me to mine 

And thee to thine

Now I'm off to do my thinking...

Hello god,

To believe in you is to believe in something more. To fight to view a bigger picture; one filled with your love. To believe in you is to have sight on the biggest endgoal. Something nearly inacheivable. To have my faith it's to have searched and searched and determined your the most plausible answer, and the good in all of us. No we don't deserve you. Many forego you. Seeing is believing is what the have. Have they ever seen an atom, a beating heart, a firing neuron? Have they ever seen a proton with its positive charge? Because I believe in science as much as I believe in you. I have never seen any of those things, not once, but I have seen you. I see you in the altruistic, my mother who is kind, my preist forgiving my worse sins, and my brother giving me a ride. Those who don't believe because they cannot see. Their hearts have just been hardened to only grasp what is on earth. They say it is I trying to find the easy way, but they don't like being out of control. To believe in you is to want something more and choose the harder path. Excepting you're not perfect, you have definitive faults, and you don't know everything. Make what they want of that!

Tick tock tick tock

Time clicks on by

1, 2, 3 seconds passing

More and more everyday

Expansive milliseconds

Great big wastes of time

Oh the biggest tragedy of life

Is to watch it tick on by

I've no time for punctuation

Or cowardly acts

I say what I want

And what I mean

I can't  live without that

But others find it easy

You see

People spend most their lives

Living an untold truth

One that's buried with them

Their only absolute

I've no time for cowards

Or weaklings with measly excuses

I've no time for panic 

If you have a job

Just get it done

I've only time for bravery

And proper word usage

My injustice is watching

Observing all that goes on

Watching lives fade away

Losing their potential energy 

Each and every day

So come on be kinetic

Do something worth my time

Amaze all those around you

Speak what you think aloud this time

Spread your word

Just please be heard

It's simpler than silence

Dream a bigger dream

Don't cause more suffering 

Seeing your eyes fade to gray

Time quickly wasted away

That's the biggest injustice of all...

Play me a song

A simple melody

The one I want to hear

More than I want to breathe

Oh, Play me a song

That one I love to sing

Flitting past my ear

On waves of harmony

Just play me song

The one sticking in my mind

Reminds me of myself

Or maybe you and I

Please play me a song

The one that tells the truth

Worth more than it's sold for

Shinier than day

More mysterious than night

Revealing more than you ask

Hiding more than it can

Play me a song 

I've heard more than twice

It's stuck in my head

But that's quite alright

 As I frantically sprinted through the town, I was filled to the brim with fear; it coursed through my veins, and fueled my heart along with my mind. Every neuron that fired was a cannon shot nipping the nerves in my feet coaxing my screaming lungs on breath after aching breath. Like a pack of feral dogs biting at my heels urging my aching body onward. Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum went my heart in rapid fire, and it was the only thing I could hear even though I was surrounded by ambient noise. An entire uncaring world that went on working despite my terrifying endeavors.

With a ringing shot my ears cleared. It was like chewing gum while in a plane rising higher and higher. I saw them then, and the world halted like a top that was stopped by an overly-eager yet impatient child. The best way to describe the feeling is that moment in your dreams when it feels as though your swimming in a vat of molasses and therefore you know you will be caught by the thing chasing you, that’s what this felt like. The People stared at me smiling with eyes too dark and teeth too bright an all together off-putting appearance. Each one resembled one of my friends. The friends I didn't want to face after what I did to them. Screaming was all I could think to do.

But, when I opened my mouth to do so blood poured out with the intensity of a plane ramming itself into a tower while everyone watched on in silence. My older brother always explained things with a clarity at which I could comprehend. He understood that I was capable of deep analysis, but instead chose words that grabbed reality by the throat and pushed it up against the wall. “There are god-awful people in this world, who are annoying as hell at a car crash. That’s why it’s taking us an hour to get where we want to go. These people have no life, and are afraid of change. So, when something bad happens (fires, crashes, murders) they just love to slowly go on by and gawk at others misfortune. Then they turn it into a life lesson for their own stupid spawn. They live their life through others, fearful of taking a risk. Don’t be like these idiots. Just drive past the fires or car crashes you aren’t doing any good by staring and pointing.”

I closed my mouth slowly staring at the waterfall cascading from me the deep red puddle at my feet. looking up all The People looked back at me waiting. When I opened my mouth again I coughed up dust. I could smell the blood, and taste the iron, but excluding the puddle I was standing in it was all gone. No more blood dripped from the caverns of my body. When I dared to speak my voice was was cold and raspy that of an adult who has lived as a mute slave all their life finally attempting to verbally communicate. “Why won’t you leave me alone? I’ve done what you’ve asked countless times, and I’m a great person. If you’re going to keep this up just kill me.” I gave a cursory glance over each face. The one I dreaded the most approached confidently.

“Didn’t you know?” she questioned. “Know what” Was my pithy reply. “That we already did that; we already took our justice.” Her voice was sonorous, and she said it with a bright smile. It was a breath of cold winter air after escaping a coffin. She holds up a mirror. Looking deep inside I saw many people’s worse nightmare. I had no teeth, hair. Or eyes. My eyelids in fact were sewn close, and my right ear was hanging half off, like it was chewed on by a dog. The entirety of the left side of my face was peeling away while all my mouth looked like I drank a bottle of acid for fun. My nose had a melted appearance and looked as though it was dripping down my face.

The person’s mouth, no my mouth, in the mirror creaked open as if it was a hinge that needed oil. She spoke in my voice, “Hi Marie like what you see.” She cackled as The People laughed on as well. Gripped in terror I shook like a leaf in a tornado. One of The People had a long blade like that off the grim reaper. She too had a hooded black cloak. She peeled back the hood, and looked into my eyes with a vacuous stare. She swung the blade just above my head, and instantly I fell to the ground, as if I was a marionette with cut strings. My inert body laid there helpless to their every plan. "You spend a long enough time being a narcissistic sociopath, essentially dead inside, and your facades melt away revealing your true self. Marie, this is what you really look like. Something so gross that not even a mother could love you, and such a coward that it's just too easy to notice that everyone else pulls your strings and makes you dance, and you just let them." With that they walked away. In my minds eye I saw the face they had shown me, my face. Echoing in my head were the painful words, "do you like what you see?" No, I really don't. Tears escaped my eyes dripping down my face, as I layed in the deafening silence.

I can see you up there

Smiling so bright

Who'd ever know

That you're just so tight

Once you're ahead you're expected to keep it

Everyone bringing their mallet

And more

To try to beat you down

So you're nothing more

Than them

As they swing

You're throne rings

With each blow

quieting the chattering

Your teeth create from fear

A brave face

It's the most you can make

As your tower crumbles

No harder to tip than a house of cards

Then the next person climbs up

To scrape up your pieces

And do their best to not be knocked down a peg

Because the more you have to own

The more you have to lose

Tired.

Beaten.

Worn.

Trying to keep up.

Trying to beat everyone else.

Trying to slip ahead.

Agression.

Stealthy.

Scrappy.

Fierce competition.

Nearly cheating.

Quietly striving ahead.

Whacked.

Hit.

Agony.

Everything I try to be,

Everything I want to be,

And everything I am.

Beaten black and blue