And so it begins

The final chapter, the last of my sins

As I simmer and boil, and then turn cold

Skin crackling and peeling, I'm losing my mold

It's strange, this feeling that runs through my veins

Burning and chocking, my aching soul it stains

I feel like I'm an observer in this vast space

Waiting for packed trains to come and go

Late and tired, I've lost the race.

Ticket-less and spaceless, I have no home

Drained and passion-less, I no longer wish to belong

Wasted space, wasted breath of life

I guess that's why they say life is an endless strife

The end of the beginning, the beginning of the end

As i'm shapeless and melted

I wish only to nothingness -to- ascend

I'm tired, and frankly have no more strength and will to go on

I just hope it will be better, after i'm gone

Born from pain

Drenched in blood

Small and helpless

With eyes wide shut

Seeking things that knew me not

Walking paths, and getting lost

Craving a rush to feel alive

Falling hard, it's time to survive

Rewind the clock, heal once more

Stand back up, arm up for the war

Bruised and scarred, no time to stop

Life itself is a fulltime job

Once again, in a loop stuck

Praying hard for some luck

But yet again, the fall is fateful

Impatient and tired, going ungrateful

I saw the light, I ran in vain

For the millionth time, I'm dead again

In front of the mirror she stood in awe

Admiring the landscape of scars and all the things she saw

In front of her was a book with no title

No cover page, no fancy words, simply a breaker of a vicious cycle

She was the testimony to a life of strife

Of efforts spent, blood spilled, broken ties and a fulfilling life

The book was full to the brim with words said and hidden

Of lives lived and dreamt of, and even the dreams unwritten

Yet the book had no end

No start and no middle, just words of pretend

The mirror started to go blurry the deeper she looked

Flakes of dirt, vison hazy, she was eternally hooked

I used to proudly think myself strong

That no matter how tough life can get, I will always know where I belong

I used to think of my feet as roots ,far beneath the earth binding me to my truth

Strong and wild stretching all across the land, a testament to my everlasting youth

I’ve lived in dreamland quite often throughout the years

Fought demons and dragons and mourned my loved ones with bloody tears

I thought I would be ready for anything, that I could take on the world

That my heart was strong and my mind will never be stirred

Thinking back on it now, how foolish I have been

No matter how old they get, you can never, a child from their parents Wean

It has been 2,028 days since tragedy struck my soul

My time froze on that day, and I have been constantly losing control

I tend to block the memories to be honest with you

I’m yet to fully reconcile that there was nothing else that I could do

But every time I think I found some peace of mind

I’m haunted by the ghosts of my past, forever confined

I remember that day as if time has never passed

How could it, when I have been trapped all along, aghast

He came back home like always, and I opened the door

As if With my hands I blew the horns of my eternal war

For the first time I didn’t look him in the eyes

Taking for granted the times we shared, not ready for the upcoming surprise

Suddenly I heard the call,

The sounds he used to make whenever the episodes, him befall

However this time the silence was long and deafening

Unable to fathom the loud truth , the air unsettling

And I ran!

Like a madman escaping the prison of solitude, I ran

Barefoot, cold, fuming with freezing heat my strife just began

I never knew fear like the terror that flowed in my blood on that freezing night

As if on overdrive every organ underneath my skin and bones was ready to fight

Knocking on doors I never seen the like of before

Desperate for anything that could pick me up from the sinking floor

But you see, when our eyes turn blind and our voices turn silent

Deep within our genes the truth screams to come to the surface unbent

I started to hate things I used to love so badly before

Car rides in the dark when the deafening silence my heart tore

I prayed that night like a devout saint my heart was stripped naked and bleeding

To not take him away, for this to be a nightmare , in vain pleading

But fate had a plan for him without me in his life

It seemed like the game was over and the player did not survive

They say that fear like a plague invaded the heart and the mind

Once it takes over, the old you will forever, in the past, be left behind

In chaos flourishes light, or at least that's what they say

I waited for ages for my hope to grace my life and beside me lay

What they fail to tell you dear child, with bitterness, with you I share

The lungs that breathed rancidness for too long, will no longer favor the clean air

The heart that shattered millions of times for someone

Can no longer beat in fullness no matter how fast you run

The hands that knew not the taste of touch

Will forever sink in fear bound by grudge

The eyes that lurked in darkness blind to the warmth of light

Like a vampire will perish under the sun bright

And when hope finally graces your doorsteps, my child, your bliss turns to a curse

The years of darkness leave behind wounds, un-healing, ever in pain like ravaging wars

The calmness of peace becomes a stranger in whom you have no faith

If peace were to be a religion, how gloriously in heresy I shall bathe

For my blood speaks not the language of calmness

And neither shall yours when all you knew were tempestuous nights, Unless

You let go of the pain, and start to breathe once again

Let the air fill your lungs and penetrate deep breaking every chain

Allow a space for the light to lighten the shades of darkness within

For you, my child, are so much more than your original sin.

They say that darkness gives value to light

for without the dark one cannot muster the will to fight

they sang songs of glory and wrote tales in stones with blood

of legends and heroes moving mountains while sinking in mud

they say that mankind lived in darkness for ages

survived a time when even history skipped to mention in its pages

dwelled in the dark for far too long

aching to claim a place wherein to belong

then light came to be at long last

the thirst for warmth and freedom flowed in their veins so fast

like a raging flood rage took over

paving the way for a new path away from their mind’s enclosures

I once asked myself would things have been different have I not been born

Would my parents live different lives. Would it all have the same way gone

Would my mom grow to be the woman she has become after years of struggles

Would my father still live to this day and create even more troubles

Lots of ifs have gone through my mind throughout the years

Thoughts of tales and illusions brought about with my bitter tears

Unable to share out loud the concerns that plagued my soul

Sinking deeper each day inside my man-made hole

I noticed a pattern within myself when the ifs haunted my being

I would run from the truth and rather keep on fleeing

I tend to get overwhelmed quite easily when my limit is trespassed

Unable to establish limits for myself or even give up on the past

I'd sink deep in the blackness I helped to create

With my hands sealing away my miserable fate

Allowing my demons to take the rein and lose control

Denying every goodness and worthiness within me like an unwanted mole

Though I've noticed the pattern, it's hard to let go of my shame

I call it such for it only pushes me to myself blame

Never once have I been merciful with the girl that dwelled within

Never granted her the benefit of the doubt , tearing away at her skin

They say fear not the enemy that you see with your eyes

Your real foe lies deep within you feeding you endless lies

How can I tell you what’s brewing inside of my heart

When my tongue gets twisted and my words fall apart

How can I show you in actions my intentions

When each step towards you is to my core a violation

I once dared myself to come out of the shell I took as an escape

Exposed my wounded skin to you and revealed my soul’s true shape

Told you tales of passion held in secret from the depth of my soul

Of worlds of wonders and songs that made me whole

Tell me stranger where did I go wrong

Was i not enough or did I come out strong?

did my world shatter or have I not even belonged

Where the angel flew , my demons to roam longed

When I was young I used to fear darkness

Frankly I used to fear the creatures that lurked in the nothingness

How my mind was a white canvas giving birth to imageries that served me no good

On days when the dark was so black. Did those creature come out looking for food

I was the Prey that did not ask to be on fed

I was the fool who gave them power in my solitude

Darkness was the lair my fears in brewed

by the eyes that looked at the world with passion over and over screwed

Then one day came pain

maturity and heartbrebreak pouring down on me like acid rain

Taking over the mask of sanity I wore for show

Giving space to the monsters that hid inside since long ago

Empty  and full walking down the path of life on my own

In darkness I found the light that on me shone

Let her down

Said the man whose life was about to end

Only he didn’t know she lived her life underneath the surface

She was a shadow that lurked beyond the light hoping to blend

While the world cast her aside she cocooned herself into her mind’s space

Let her down

shouted once more , he who has lost his humanity

Seeking in vain to rid himself of his newly found insanity

You see, life never ceases to show us how cruel we can be

If the price is life itself , some would gladly show how they can be beastly

Surrendered and weary the child let go of her chain

Head first into the fire willingly embracing her eternal pain

For once she leapt towards her fate all on her own

Like a king ascending towards his golden throne

Surrounded by blazing flames she looked back and smirked

Eyes blazing like the beast that deep inside of her lurked

As the smoldering inferno took over her being

A laughter echoed through the crowd, fleeing