Today was just a normal day. I woke him up with a sweet soft kiss upon his forehead. I whisper in his ear, "it's time to get up baby." He looks over at me with a smile on his face. "I hate getting up, but I love waking up to your beautiful face everyday." I begin to feel my face getting red. He's always so good at making me blush. It makes me wonder if he says certain things just to make me blush.

He gets up and starts getting ready for work. I've already made his coffee and packed his lunch. He comes up behind me and kisses my neck. Turns me around and gives me a deep dark passionate kiss upon my lips. My knees begin to buckle and I quickly stop the kiss before it leads to anything else. I kiss him once more and tell him, "now get to work handsome." He moans,"Ohhh do I have to?!" Winks at me and whispers in my ear, "just wait until I get home." I giggle and he laughs too.

I stand at the front door and watch him get into his big old ford truck. I wave frantically at him and he waves back.

I close the door and am ready for the day to take me away until he comes back home. I begin doing laundry,dishes, and cleaning the kitchen. The house phone rings and I decide not to answer it, since I have cleaner all over my hands. The phone rings again. I thought, well this person is persistent. I wipe my hands off on a dish cloth and walk towards the phone.

I answer, "hello."

A woman's voice is on the other end. "Hello, may I please speak to Virginia Blooch."

"This is her speaking."

"Ma'am I have some bad news for you."

My heart instantly sinks.

I try to talk, but words aren't coming out. I finally mutter out,"yes?"

"Ma'am today your husband was working in the coal mines and there was a bad explosion and the mines caved in. All of the men working lost their lives. I am sorry."

My eyes are full of tears and I don't say anything to the lady, I just hang up the phone.

I instantly fall to the floor. I can't breath, I can't move. I am in denial. No, James will be walking in the door around 6 tonight. I sat by the door for hours waiting and waiting. He never came. I stopped waiting for him around 11pm. I made my way to bed. I couldn't sleep though. My pillow was soaked with tears. My thoughts were scattered throughout the night.

I rethink about the days before today. I just found out that I was pregnant. I was waiting until the weekend to tell him the good news. All of a sudden, thinking about this seems like such bad news. I can't raise a child without James. I can't go on without James. How will I survive without him? Financially,mentally,emotionally,physically. I begin crying again.

Around 4am I made my final decision. Which was to kill myself. I never thought about killing myself before. I grew up in a church and know that it is morally wrong to do so. That I'll spend eternity in hell, but this life now is pure hell.

I find a thick rope and a chair. My heart is pounding frantically because I know my mind is made up and I'm not turning back. What do I have to turn back to? I quickly tie the rope around the sturdy pipe running along the ceiling. I begin to wrap the rope around my neck. Without even thinking, I kick the chair out from underneath me.

Sharp pain around my neck.

Gasping for breath.

Moving my body around, but no relief.

Everything's turning black.

I'm gone,gone,gone.

I didn't get home until 7am. I was so thankful that I was late to work yesterday. When I arrived to work it was so much chaos. I dug through the ground trying to find bodies. Bodies of my family, my friends, my fellow workers. Their family deserved that. I know Virginia would want to have my body if anything bad ever happened to me. I keep thanking God that I'm alive and that I'll be able to go home to my amazing wife.

I dug and dug until I physically couldn't anymore. I decide to retire for the day and head back home. I need a hug from Virginia. I need her to tell me everything will be okay.

I drive up the driveway and feel a sigh of relief. I am finally home. I don't even grab my lunch box. I just run inside. "Virginia, where are you?" I walk into our bedroom to see her limp body hanging from the ceiling pipe. I am in disbelief. I let out a loud scream, "why???!!!" I pull her down and hold her cold lifeless body in my arms.

You've only been on my finger since December, but once you came around all the trouble began. I've always thought you symbolized love and loyalty, but my views on you have changed. The very thought of you makes me feel sick to my stomach. Are you wondering why or do you already know? Once you came all of the lies began.

I look at you and just feel disgusted.

This is what you symbolize now; cheating,lying,being used and abused. I am ashamed to wear you because I can feel you mocking me.

Is this really how I want to start my life with you?

I am so confused.

I guess that's why I only wear you when I go out. Even as I write this, your no where to be found.

Part of me believes that things will change, but will they change with me or with the next girl that wears you?

Love lost,

Me.

She's my best friend,

Together we don't have to pretend.

We let loose and are always laughing.

Driving.

Singing.

Music blasting.

We talk every single day,

I promise our friendship will never die away.

She,

I will never hurt and will always defend,

Because she's my best friend.

If I could have collected money every time a person said that to me, I'd be close to a millionaire. I've been to a lot of rehabs and this was like their fucking motto there. The counselor's said it and the patients too.

At first I hated that quote. It irked me in every single way. I could say, "man, I'm fresh out of smokes." Someone in the room would reply with, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!" Id shoot a quick glare towards them and they'd have a big smile on their face. I was disgusted with them, with the saying, and for the fact I was out of cigs. I already figured out that's what every counselor would say when they had nothing else to say. They'd want me to open up and talk about my feelings. I'd do just that and the response was never comforting. It was always those damn words.

Funny thing is, a few years later I found myself saying it to myself and to others. I'd lose my apartment and be homeless and inside my head say, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. It became comforting. I must have said it everyday for a year straight to myself.

I believe that quote is true. I personally know that I am stronger for the things I've gone through in my life. Obviously I won't be picking up a keg with one hand and tossing it down the road with a flick of my wrist, kind of stronger. I am stronger emotionally and mentally. If I wasn't, then I'd probably be dead.

SEEK GOD NOT SHELTER, the sign read. Stuck to the underbelly of the rusty bridge above them. Dusted with dirt and irony. CHRIST HAS RISEN AND HE NEEDS YOU, another said. COME TO THE HILL. Both signs scrawled in blood.

She turned around towards the hill, her dirty blonde hair cascading over her tired eyes. She turned like it was beckoning her, calling her name through the wisps of wind that whiplashed her skin. She saw them all heading towards the hill, the preachers in white, the others in whatever they could scavenge.

"Are you sure we're doing the right thing?" she asked.

"Yes."

"They say he's risen, why couldn't it be true?"

"Look around."

He watched her eyes move across the landscape like drifting tumbleweed. He watched her see it all again. The empty sky. The pillaged streets above them. The ribcages. Broken. Poking out of the bodies smeared on the ground. The snow melting into murky water, digging potholes into the muddy earth. The sky mimicked their souls. It was sad. Ugly. Gray.

"Do you believe me now?" he asked her.

She looked at him. She felt everything, but she felt nothing. She was hollow. Emotionless. She grabbed his hand.

"There is no God," he went on. "No man with the power to create a galaxy would build a wasteland."

"Maybe."

He looked at her. He wanted to tell her, doubt will kill us. Doubt will kill us before they do. But he didn't tell her.

"Don't say that. You have to believe it. You have to believe me. Do you?"

She gripped harder. Looked back. Pointed towards the city.

"They all say he's risen. All of them. They say he's here. That he's walking with us. Maybe they're right."

"If Christ has risen, where are his footprints?" he asked.

He watched her eyes shift towards the untouched snow stretched ahead of them.

They walked on.

All was gray the next morning. Dirty. Dead. She woke up to silence. The sleeping bag beside her was empty. Cold. They'd camped under an old bridge, shielding themselves from view if one were to pass by quickly. But maybe someone had meandered on by slowly. She was the lookout.

She pushed herself up on her elbows, about to get up and investigate when he showed up, dripping wet. Chilled to the core with icicle hair. He sat down beside her, emptying his socks of the pounds of snow inside them. Finished, he placed his hands back inside his soaked jacket pockets.

"We need to eat," he said.

"You need to warm up."

"I was looking for food."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

He rubbed his eyes, running his hands through his melting hair as he spoke. "There wasn't a single car out there today. Wasn't anything."

She pulled her body up, pressing herself against the graffitied cement wall. GOD IS GOOD sprayed in red. Scratched out ten times over.

She peeked around the wall and stood up. "We have to go, then," she said. "We have to go to the next town."

"Do you know what town?"

"No."

"Okay."

They both stood up, packed their things into their backpacks and pockets. The lighter. The wire. The canteen. The switch knife. The socks. The earmuffs. The sheets and blankets. Sleeping bags on top.

They walked on.

Sometimes they remembered the days before the destruction. They'd reminisce. Drink nostalgia from their canteen instead of the limited supply of clean water they were carrying. They'd remember the smells. Roses. The tastes. Fresh bread. Fresh water. The sounds. Laughter. Music. The sights. The blue skies. The flowers growing between the sidewalks, before they became splattered with blood. They remembered when everything was beautiful.

Other times they would forget.

"What's green look like?" she would ask him.

"Green."

"You don't remember either."

The conversation would end, and they would walk on.

They reached a town a day later, weak from hunger. Running on empty. No different than any other day.

They walked down the lifeless but dirt street, full of bones and skulls and more bones and more skulls. He grimaced. Shifted his eyes towards his naked feet.

She saw the pain reflecting in his eyes. "Don't look," she said.

"They're already there."

"Where?"

"In my head."

She glanced at the bodies then, laying in piles. Hundreds upon hundreds. Laying on top of each other, placed as if built by careless giants trying to make a castle out of a deck of cards on a windy day.

Bones protruded out of each of them in the same place. All ribcages were slashed in half, dangling out of the chests like a man dangling off a cliff. Strings of dried blood clots hung off the ripped tissue, silk gossamer off the heaps.

He looked up, then quickly angled his gaze down once again. His eyes stumbled to words etched into the brown ground.

GIVE BACK TO GOD, it said.

He spat on it. Stamped it out with his foot.

"What's going on?" she asked, turning around.

"More propaganda,'" he said, clenching his hands.

"Don't get angry. Save your energy."

"They want us to praise god."

"I know."

"Do you know something?"

"You refuse."

"Yes. I refuse. Do you praise a fire for eating the trees? Oceans for swallowing cities? No. And so it goes. One does not deserve praise for turning the world into a wasteland."

She grabbed his hand, tried to calm him down. Rubbed his palm. Looked at his grimy fingers.

"Your ring is gone," she said.

"I lost it. In the last Reckoning."

"How?"

"In the paint jar when I stuck my hand in."

He remembered the feel of it. The thickness of the dye on his hand when he brushed it on his forehead. He didn't want to put the mark on, but blending in was key. Vital. It was the only way to survive.

The whistle blew after that, the high-pitched screech slicing through the air. The men had begun pouring out of the buildings, racing down the streets. He had turned to her, grabbed her by her long hair.

"Cut it off," she had said.

And so he did, in one swift chop. Then they were handed the blades and pointed towards the rebels.

"God needs us," one of men in white roared.

GOD HAS RISEN AND HE NEEDS YOU, the men chanted in reply. One of the men held their arms up high, making the symbol with his fingers. A cross. Two hundred more jutted out into the sky. It started.

And so they charged toward the small pack of rebels, holding their knives high above their heads. He blended in. Had been one of the first to reach them, had been one of the first to tackle the shaking man begging for food to the ground. One of the first to plunge the knife into a chest, to watch the blood bubble up from harmless veins and ooze out of the wound, bursting like a fireworks display neither of the men had witnessed in years.

She'd started pulling him. Yelling into his ear to STOP STOP STOP because WE CAN GO WE CAN RUN NOW THEY WON'T NOTICE and IT'S TIME TO GO and most importantly DON'T BE LIKE THEM. In a split second he'd stood up. She grabbed his sticky hand. They ran.

He fell back into reality as he felt her grip on his hand loosen. He looked at her. Collapsed at her touch.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's alright," she said. "It's alright. You're alright."

He looked at her. Lifted his lips a little like he used to do.

"Do you want to put the paint on again now?" she asked.

"No."

"It's safer."

"I refuse," he said. "I don't want the sign. Putting it on the first time was a mistake, even if it was safer. I was weak. Wanted bread. Now I want sustenance and Christ is not in my diet. There might be a soup kitchen somewhere near here."

Sometimes she worried he was too radical. Like the others, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. Sometimes she remembered he'd killed a man.

They trekked through the filthy streets towards the innards of the city, peeking into the alleys and buildings. Performing the routine checks. Looting the houses around them and checking for anything useful. Coming up with nothing.

And so they went. Trampling on down the empty road, each step more of a burden than the last.

At the start things had been different. They had worn shoes and mittens and scarves and hats. Had kept crates of vegetables, jars of fruit. They had been exponentially prepared. But supplies dwindled over the course of the years. Thieves. The needier. Shoes wearing out. Until all that was left was a pack full of nothing.

A man in white sat in the ditch of the road ahead of them. Two hundred feet, maybe two-fifty. She looked at him, pulled him off the street into an alley.

"There's someone there," she said.

"I see. He's one of them."

"What do you want to do?"

"Keep going."

"Could be dangerous."

"I'm starving."

They carefully trudged towards the man. He fingered the switch knife in his pocket.

They treaded closer and the man came into view. He was chubby. The first tip-off. Abnormal for times like these. The man rolled his head, caught sight of the pair. He angled his gaze towards them.

They inspected him more profusely. Saw the scarlet cross painted in blood on his forehead. The second sign. The man began to move. Shuffled his stained hands and extended his two pointer fingers. Held one up and put the other over it. Made the symbol.

They were supposed to sign back to the man. They were supposed to silently let him know that they were not searching for shelter, they were not scavenging for a morsel of food, they were not running from the preachers. No. They were supposed to sign, let him know they were heading towards the hill. Making their way to the place where they'd give their heart to the ghost of a ghost.

The man in the street waited.

Waited.

Waited.

He didn't sign.

She didn't either.

The man stood up. Placed his hands in his pockets. Brought out his whistle. Blew it.

People exploded into the street, all dressed in white. All wearing red symbols on their foreheads. Blood glistening in the sun.

They surrounded them, instructing them as they moved closer and closer. Hands up. Legs apart. Don't move a muscle. I said don't move.

They took their packs and sliced them open, flipped them upside down and watched their precious items plummet into the dirt with a dull thud. They stepped on them, rubbed their sheets into the grime. Poured their canteens into their mouths, gulping the water down like it was their own. One licked his lips while another began the interrogation.

"What were you doing out of your territory?

Why aren't you heading north?

What gives you the right to search for food on your own?

You are not God.

God will provide for you after it's over.

You are wrong. This is what God wanted. Thy will be done.

We are doing this in His holy name.

We all have to make sacrifices. We all must learn to live for Him."

He was out of saliva to spit. The man kicked him to the ground.

"Take this one first. Then the other."

The men followed his commands. One revealed a trash bag, heavy and dripping crimson. The others came forward towards the couple with silver knives. They slashed their clothes and dragged them off. Stabbed their chests, crushed their ribs, carved the hole. Reached in and plucked out their hearts and dumped them in the bag. Pulled out their scarlet blades and wiped them off. Dipped their fingers into their chests until they were dripping rubies. Reapplied the cross on their foreheads, and then

they walked on.

The thick silk dress found its way over my body and draped itself effortlessly down towards the floor. The colors imitating late spring: a cream, square top, fitting dress with apricot flowers and green leaves patterning the material. Three lines of ruffles decorated the top and the edge of the sleeves. Simple but elegant. Diana's signature style. Diana always comes up with the most beautiful dresses I've ever seen. Always perfect, right down to the hem. Her mother used to sew clothes for her when she was a little girl, and her father was a very talented artist. She doesn't talk of them much. She says they're in the past and it won't hurt for them to stay there. I think they died in a building fire when she was eight but I haven't asked Diana about her parents in years. I made the mistake of prying once, and for her sake, I won't make the same mistake again. But my guess is that's where she got her talent for turning me into some kind of goddess whenever I have to somewhere to go. Creating beautiful things is in her blood.

"What shall we do with your hair today, Miss Bay?" Diana asks. Pulling a few of my auburn strands back, as if showing me rough drafts of the million and one things she could do with my pathetic excuse for hair. "You're the expert, not me," I say, giving her a familiar smirk. She gives me a teasing glare. "Very well," she grinned back ruthlessly. As if she knew something I didn't. Suddenly a blur of her two hands are teasing my hair and turning it into what would appear to anyone else as a bird's nest. A scream of laughter escapes my mouth as I try to swat her hands away. "What?" She questions innocently. "You said I was the expert and I say this is perfect." I laugh at her as I stare at my reflection in the vanity mirror. Brown heaps of hair are scattered all across my head, giving me the look of just getting up out of bed. "This is the style these days, you know?" she jokes. "Exactly what Do- uh, Detective Alexander is expecting." I feel a wave of nausea that i thought had passed wash over me, despite her joking tone and the very light atmosphere. My green eyes gaze back at me and I watch as the happiness that was there just a moment ago dissolve into anxiousness and anxiety. Diana must pick up on this- as she usually does- because she begins to stroke my hair thoughtfully.

"It'll be alright, dear." She says with an amount of sincerity that's always surprised me. She begins working on my hair, talking while brushing out the tangles she caused earlier and pulling various pieces back to braid them. Forming something like a crown from my temples to the back of my head. "I'm sure Sir William hasn't gotten far," she continues cautiously. "He's always been one to run off from time to time, you know that. Don't worry too much about it." All the laughter from minutes ago has been stripped and her voice is wearing nothing but worry.

Diana finishes fastening the braids and curls the ends of my hair slightly. She places small flowers in my hair that looks like a pastel fire burning against my burnt wood colored hair. She makes me face away from the mirror so she can paint my face with natural earthy tones: browns and greens are spread and blended across my eyelids, making me feel like one of the nymphs in the picture books my brother, William, used to read to me when we were kids. Diana dabs some pale pink gloss across my lips. She gives a comforting smile and tells me I can look now. I turn around to see a stranger in the mirror. Diana has been dressing me and making me look at my best for as long as I can remember. I used to go to my father's parties and balls, and Diana was always there saying and doing the things a mother would usually do. Diana's always been there for me, even when I couldn't be there for myself.

"You're beautiful." she whispers.

"No, this dress is beautiful." I say breathlessly. "My hair and makeup and flowers...all of this is what you've done. "I am simply the canvas, Diana. A canvas is not beautiful, the art placed on it by the hands of an artist such as yourself is what makes it beautiful." I tilt my head around to see her face directly. There's such wisdom and time in her eyes that you could say anything and she might make you change your mind. Even if you pointed out the sky is blue she could look at you and you'd feel as if you've just said the stupidest thing ever said throughout mankind. She takes her hand and rubs the back of her knuckles against my cheek. They're soft and frail and smell of the garden. She makes a slight tsk-ing sound and kisses my forehead. "Nonsense. You know better than to say such foolish things." She says that as if she was having a conversation with a bird in the trees and it just sang a response that she disagreed with, though to anyone else she would seem like a mad woman. "But I am nothing but a foolish girl," I tease. "Surely that's a fitting title." I stare into Diana's hazelnut eyes and she removes her hand from my cheek and pats my hands, as they've been sitting in my lap, fiddling with one of the extra flowers that she placed in my hair with expert's hands. Her hair is graying faster than I remembered it had been, but she has aged gracefully and is the most beautiful person I know.

She gives a tight smile and says, "'You are only foolish if you choose to believe it.' That's what my father used to say." Her smile fades, then grabs my hands and helps me into a standing position. "Come now," Diana says. "You don't want to keep Detective Alexander waiting."

I step outside the carriage and into the crisp April air and immediately the wind is cool and refreshing against my face. The wind doesn't cut through my clothes like late January's did. Instead it fills my lungs and seems to be the only thing keeping me from fainting. I take shallow, shaky breaths as I walk up the the old, little building's doors and give it a firm knock. When I pull my gloved hand away I see a light layer of dust littered across my knuckles and attempt to dust it off, but my attempts are cut short when a tall, slender man in a pair of tailored pants and a white, open collared shirt answers the door. His thin glasses rest just on the bridge of his nose. His dark hair is disheveled and seems to glow from the fire slowly burning out in the living room.

"Yes, what can I do for you today?"

"I'm Veronica Bay. I'm here to see you about the disappearance of my brother, William Bay."

He looks dazed and distant. As if he's spent the evening out of his body and in another demintion. Just as I'm about to ask him if he's alright, something has snapped him back into reality and I'm face to face with a young, grey eyed detective that will hopefully bring me closer to finding my brother.

"Oh yes, of course! Please, come in."

I enter the cramped space and the smell of weathered pages and brown sugar assault my senses and cause my head to spin. But it's relaxing in a way. Almost familiar. Seeming to calm my hiked nerves. "So what exactly can I do for you, Miss Bay?" He says as he clears off a stack of geography books from a large, maroon apollstered chair, with gold buttons with intricate designs, tattered down the sides. His voice is low but full of youth. He couldn't be much older than William, I conclude.

"Well, actually I was hoping you could tell me." I say hopefully. Taking my seat in the apollstered chair. He makes his way over to a small, heavy wooden desk. It's covered in various papers and what appears to be a logging book. There's a small plaque that has Alexander's name on it. There's something else written across it but he turns it on its face before I can finish reading it. He looks up at me with thoughtful, yet concerned eyes as he pulls up an worn, wooden barstool next to the chair he placed me in. "You see, my brother has made a habbit of running off whenever he feels like it so it makes for a very hard time to get someone to care that he hasn't retutned. And I was hoping you might assist me in trying to discover the whereabouts of him." I try to keep the aching feeling of dread out of my tone and I'm fighting to keep my voice even, but I'm afraid my efforts only caused me to sound more frail. "And what evidence do you have that your brother, Mr. William, is not just out roaming the streets of Manhattan? That perhaps it had just slipped his mind to make someone aware of his whereabouts?" There was no judgemental questioning in his voice, just simple curiosity and knowledge needed for the proper procedures to be carried out.

"My brother and I are very close. He always let's me know where he's going and when. This is not like him. He wouldn't just leave," my voice sounds hesitant and shaky in my own ears. But Detective Alexander hasn't taken his eyes off me. He's paying close attention and keeping on my every word, but, "I see," is all he says.

The sun has begun to drift off into a hazy sunset of violets and golds, the rest of the sky is a dulling gray that seems to hang in the air like factory smoke. The light of day is fading and this is one more day of no answers.

After Diana helps me out of my dress I run a bath and silently slip into the warm, inviting water. The soaps smell of dogwood and orange blossoms, both bubbling up and popping against my skin. But even with smells of home taking hostage of my body something still smells faintly of old books and brown sugar. An odd combination that seems to linger far into the night.

I dream of oceans dropping off into nowhere and my brother's voice calling to me from somewhere I can't see. I can hear William's distant words echoeing across the water but they don't quite reach me. His words fall into the depths of the sea. I try swimming after them, pumping my arms and legs, willing myself to catch the words he said and bring them to shore, but I can't go anywhere. I'm stuck underwater with no way out. I try turning around but something grabs at my legs and pulls me further down into the abis. I see William floating towards the bottom of the sea, his blonde hair around him like a halo. I try to call to him but my voice has gone mute. I try to scream, but my efforts are in vain. The world is blackening around me.

I wake up to Diana shaking my shoulder and and placing a wet cloth against my forehead and collarbone. My throat is hoarse and dry, I can feel a layer of sweat covering my body. The room is still dark. If it wasn't for the lamp Diana turned on I wouldn't be able to make out the outline of her features.

"Are you alright, Veronica? You were having quite a fit in your dreams tonight. I could hear you all the way down the hall." She places her hand on my forehead on down through my hair. "I'm sorry, it was just a dream. I hadn't meant to wake you." She seems saddened. Almost absent, but I can't tell its intentions through the night. "Diana, what's wrong?" She looks at me with glassy eyes but turns away from my face. "Its nothing, dear. It just seems I can in never sleep these days." She gives a sad smile and makes a motion to say more but seems to decide against it. "Can I get you anything?" Is all she says. "No, no. I'm quite alright," I manage to say. "I'll be heading back to bed now." "Very well, Miss Bay. Goodnight." I give her a slight nod and she turns off the bedside lamp. As soon as Diana exits the room I let out a shaky sigh that I hadn't realized I was holding in. I glance around my room and then close my eyes. An image of William's dead body comes to mind and it makes me shake. Why had a dreamt him dead? My brother's not dead. He's... Wait, where is my brother? Confusion fills my mind and I can't focus on anything. I hear Diana's voice in my mind. "William's dead. I'm so sorry."