I see the light, it was disguised

I missed it right before my eyes

Some years ago, I was so low

Taken by the undertow

There is still a lot that I could say

My intuition led astray

I made my heart a shorter leash

And tricked my mind to think I’ll cease

I fight to chew on every word

And let our memories all burn

It’s time for me to break away

Before my empathy’s betrayed

Our favorite song is on repeat

Drowning out all of my screams

You’re just manure for his seed

He’s not really what you need

I gave our time another look

Discovered how you bait your hook

And now I’m better on my own

Shattered glass & bitter stone

I see the light it was disguised

I’m better now to my surprise

Years ago, I was so low

Recovery meant let you go

I know you’re afraid of me

I wish that I could tell you not to be

There’s a fire raging even I can’t see

Third degree

I know you’re afraid of me

Fear of assault & battery

I can’t promise that you won’t see

A different side of me

The vulnerable shall suffer

Your ignorance a buffer

We’re killing one another

I’m a crazy motherfucker

I know you’re afraid of me

Society will laugh at thee

They’ll shield their eyes so they can’t see

Psychopathy

I know you’re afraid of me

This mask that hides my tragedy

Tasting bloody therapy

The joke is on me

The vulnerable shall suffer

Your ignorance a buffer

We’re killing one another

I’m a crazy motherfucker

You saw me falling

You heard me calling

I just couldn’t stop myself

From letting go now

He watched me turning

She felt me burning

They will turn their backs on me

You’ll never know how

I tried to tell you

I tried to tell you

I tried to tell you

But you didn’t listen

I’ll face the powers

I’ll count the hours

Life keeps pushing down on me

It won’t let me go now

Focus on the foreground

While we’re lost in the background

They’re all oblivious, you see

They’ll never know how

Drunk on the chaos

The world is at a new loss

They will close their eyes on me

I’m letting go now

I tried to tell you

I tried to tell you

I tried to tell you

But you didn’t listen

We tried to tell you

They tried to sell you

This apathy is not my tea

We’re letting go now

I’m letting go now

It’s not enough

To save our love

You lost it

You tossed it

It’s just my luck

Wading in the river

I have always been a giver

Now I’m wasting away

My depression’s a deterrent

Now I’m praying that the current’s gonna take me some day

Looking up at God, but I’m met with a facade & so there’s nothing to say

You love them & you leave them then deny when you deceive them with the games that you play

It’s not enough

To save my trust

You lost it

You tossed it

It’s just bad luck

Thinking you’re a winner, but you’re nothing but a spinner sucking all of us dry

I’m foolish for believing & ignoring your deceiving

I’m alone when I cry

The water takes me under

I’m so thankful I don’t love her

It would ruin my soul

Sinking to the darkest depth

Peaceful in my last breath

Swallow me whole

It’s not enough

It’s not true love

You took my life again

You sucked me dry then ran

But don’t misunderstand

I couldn’t give a damn

I played the fool again

Your self-esteem was dead

I fear I’ve been misled

Your mood was just pretend

I took your life again

I sucked you off then ran

But don’t misunderstand

It didn’t mean a damn

You played the fool again

And now your ego is fed

I’ll never understand

Your words were just pretend

I was a transition

Put in a fucked up position

I guess you didn’t listen

Your life is a competition

I was the buffer

while you trained to get tougher

Scoping out for another

My trust left to suffer

You knew I was weary

so you treated me dearly

But I never did fall

Thank god for the wall

Closer to indifference

Further from forgiveness

There’s unfinished business

and emotional distance

My love is cataclysmic

Your needs are parasitic

My gut is fatalistic

Your independence was a gimmick

Your lack of self-awareness

is emotionally careless

It won’t bring your past back

The baggage won’t unpack

Your need to be desired

and have your lifestyle admired

leads to nothing but heartache

from new lovers you forsake

It won’t bring your life back

Your baggage won’t unpack

You need to let her go

You need to let yourself grow

You’re stuck in light & now alone

This naive wisdom is your home

The universe is not for us

I cut my flesh

You took my trust

You form an optimistic haze

With positivity for days

This lie will lead to tragedy

Your dominance I’ve yet to see

You dropped the ball, I kicked it back

You let it roll onto the tracks

I see another in your bed

But I will never leave your head

You took my time & opened wounds

It’s hard to feel I wasn’t used

You’ll never find a love like me

You’ll never find true loyalty

Your love for me, it starts to rust

I carved my flesh

You ate my trust

I want my secrets back

I want my secrets back

I feel exposed

Superimposed

Give me my secrets back

You really took your time

I’ve watched the days go by

You never said a word

This rejection heard

And then you sat me down

With no else around

You told me what you need

And that I’m too obscene

I stared into the sea

“You’re not enough for me.”

Why let it go so far

I don’t know who you are

I want my secrets back

I want to fill the cracks

And mend the love that lacks

Give me my secrets back

Replacing me

It won’t be easy

I’m from the dark side of the moon

Discarding us

Destroying trust

I hope the sickness takes you soon

I want my secrets back

I want to fill the cracks

And mend the love that lacks

Give me my secrets back

Didn’t I tell the truth

Didn’t you change your mind

Your explanation moot

You said I’m not your kind

Didn’t I make it nice

Didn’t we prove them wrong

My trust is now on ice

Betrayal will last too long

Look at this movie screen

He’s acting out my part

Didn’t you have a key

You said it’s for your heart

Didn’t we fuck all night

Didn’t you stain my bed

My mind is fight or flight

This conversation’s dead

Didn’t you crave my touch

Didn’t I sense your sleep

You need to do too much

Your attention I won’t keep

Look at this movie screen

He’s acting out my part

Didn’t you have a key

You said it’s for your heart

Your silence grows in the orchard of my lonely

A reticulate overgrowth taking root

Sewn among my insecurities

In a row filled with every boy who could not love me

I will plant you there

#lonely #saltedfields #fuckboys #neveragain