I am a person that respects every being’s existence. I like people despite apparent flaws. I’m not an extrovert but I connect on individual levels. I may say something goofy or lame at times. Yet, a lot of times I’m just a person striving to be understood… Not by everyone but at least the people I live with.

Family. Those are my people, regardless I’m oftentimes misunderstood. It’s like the years of living together has taught them nothing about me. They are patient with outsiders, but a single act or deed I do pisses them off.

I question my existence most of the time because of their behaviour towards me. I had prayed for a rescue but my saviour over time disappointed me.

Now I believe my only escape from this constant strife is writing. But the ability to do that too is questioned in almost every argument.

I got this far surviving through my words. Why does that get questioned is beyond my understanding! Why provoke me to discard the one thing that keeps me sane and happy?

Strangers are kinder and more understanding than the people we feel we belong to.

I want to strive no more. I’m tired of proving myself. I’m exhausted from showcasing my existence.

That’s when I break down. I cry to be understood… by my own people. The people that I want to care about but disregard my knowledge, understanding, abilities and capabilities.

I don’t mind a world of fame but what is fame if you can’t share it with the ones you love? If they care a damn about how you get there, it’s no point letting them in on your success, right? They didn’t believe in you anyway. Yet, me being the kinder person would want to let them know about my successes, not to rub it in their faces because of their lack of support, but because they are “family”.

To me, family is the power that makes me cry every single time that I do.

It was not the first time

Not the first strike

Not the first grit

Not the first growl

Hate was not an option

Not for me

Not for you

Not for us

Miserable was not a reward

Not a show

Not a charm

Not a happy place

Happiness was not for now

Not for the moment

Not for the time being

Not forever

Decision was timed

Was long awaited

Was meant to be

Was for yesterday

Too late

Too long

Too confused

Too biased for love