I can generally get along with the very subtle depression that I deal with on a daily basis. I carry it along like an old friend. It might leave me slightly jaded, but I try to find the silver lining in it that I think it is what gives me my edge...allows me to cut to the heart of the matter when something catches my attention and I analyze what's going on with it...whatever it is.

And hopefully by now you all know that I've never resorted to posting about it on here. Maybe I think it's tacky, maybe I've seen so many other people do it, maybe I just end up thinking what so many of you probably think...it's depressing and borderline tedious to have to read.

But some nights, it's not the anchor-less, listless feeling that even eats at me. It's the disconnect.

I don't want the pep talk. It won't work, so save yourself the frustration and me the embarrassment...I just wanted to put this out there for the others who know the feeling and carry the same heavy sack of self-loathe.

You're not alone.

It was when I left

You spoke to god

The god you thought didn't exist. 

And when I came back

It was then you believed in him

Even more than you believed in us. 

He slams the door,

Emptied his frames, they banged when he threw it on the floor.

Lashed out when his family spoke her name,

Opened his phone with great speed every time the ring came.

Very often he will weep in the night,

Everyone will come to help but will only leave with a fight.

Days go by and her death still hurts,

He screams that his wife is buried in the dirt.

Each night the screams come by less and less,

Rain beats as he swings by the neck, he was overwhelmed with stress.