I don’t have time,

I’m too busy,

Are the words you always heard.

The drive is too long,

I’m too tired,

Are the words you always heard.

You waited for me,

I know you did,

You always told me you waited,

but I never came.

And now here we are,

I’m standing in the bathroom,

Crying with my mom,

begging her to not let you go.

But there’s nothing we can do,

You’re at the end.

I was standing next to your bed,

and looked you in the eyes,

turned around to wipe away a tear,

and when I looked again, you were gone.

@chainedinshadow

I’m confused.

I feel happy but I’m sad. I feel peaceful but distressed. What is this? Who am I? Why am I here? I didn’t deserve this.

I can see the people staring at me, I’m not blind. Well, maybe that’s not true. I was blind to all the chances life gave to me. I always walked right past them. Not because I didn’t notice them, but because I couldn’t see them for what they really were: opportunities. To turn my life around, to ask for help, to be the person I’ve always dreamed of becoming. All these opportunities faded away because of one enemy.

This enemy. Even thinking about him sends shivers down my spine. I’m disgusted by him, I hate him. He ruined me and everything I stand for. I was always a happy kid, always grateful but he absolutely destroyed me. I tried to fight him, of course I did. But I always lost all my battles. He took away my family and friends. My job and my passion. My purpose and happiness. He took everything.

Now I realise,

all I ever wanted was him to go away. And now he will.

Because all this time, he was always -

me.

Would you really be there,

Would you really stay,

Would you still be standing,

If my wind tried to blow you away.

All my life I’ve dreamed of belonging,

To a place where everything felt right.

For once not overthinking,

While staring up into the night.

I don’t know what it feels like,

To have that kind of place,

All my life I’ve spun in circles,

So this time, let this please not be a maze.

All my life I’ve wondered if I could ever travel there.

But trial and error taught me,

that that kind of place is very rare.

So who knows, maybe one day that place will be mine,

But for now let me just get back in line.

Because do you really deserve that place if all you do is grief,

Stealing my own happiness, like an inner thief.

But, please oh please just tell me, how am I supposed to believe,

When everything that looked like it went in the right direction -

Really did just leave.