Reason to live
To be honest I didnt know my reason to live until i pondered this all day and started wrighting. I feel like this question shouldnt be that hard. I've thought of the obvious which is living for my family and friends, but that doesnt seem to be what my mind wants the anwser to be. I think the real reason i live is to prove to myself that i can. Ever since birth I've been fighting to live. I had birth complications, than there was the period of time where i would forget to breath, then came bullying with countless nights of tears, then came countless disloactions and concussions. After that stuff got worse. I found out i have a genetic condition that affects every aspect of my body and will cause me life long pain, and most recently i found out i have heart issues and sometimes struggle to get up due to almost passing out. Now all of that felt needed to share in order for you to understand what i mean. My life has been a constant battle to be normal. My life purpose is to fight to live. Its more to prove to myself that i can live and i can still live normally. Despite all my appoiments and thearpys i still prove to myself that i can be like all the other teens. I struggle to go to school, but i do it. After school i could be done and go home, i mean its a big enough hurdle to get over but instead i do activities. I chose to join tech crew for plays and show choir since my body cant take being in them anymore. Sometimes i have to step back from all the actions that other techies can do but im there and i am fighting my body to let me live as normal as it can. I also do coding competions which are sometimes more do able than tech since it can be done from my bed, but the mental capabilities sometimes arent there when i cant even get blood to flow to my head. I still do it though. I challenge myself so that i have a reason to live, even if that reason it to have a normal life.
Sorry if this dosent make much sense. ive tried to edit but my brain sometimes goes faster than my hands
Hurtemis
I am Hurtemis the goddess of relief. People pray to me when they hurt, and I send them braces to hold themselves together. My worshippers are called the crippled as that is what they are when they reach out to me. My symbol is a knee brace with bright glowing lights as knee braces have kinda saved my life. I'm represnted by the zebra as that is the animal of rare conditions which are the people who need me the most. I became this Goddess to help others who are doomed to live a life full of constant pain, just like I had when I was but a mere mortal. My fellow zebras are the ones I help the most, sending braces and wraps and sometimes medication too. I wish I could get rid of all the pain in the world, but that is not my job, and my brother finds it fun to watch the people in agony. I will continue to fight against him and help those in pain even if it means I do so with a cane.
Rebellion
Telling me not to do something ensures that I will do it. Now had you said join this challenge I would not have entered it. Just like when a parent tells you you cant have ice cream it makes you really want to eat ice cream, but if they say clean your room than you really dont want to clean your room. Guess I too have teenage rebellion in me.
Unknown title
It's just a day. It's just another phase.
It'll pass i promise
It's been three days and nothing has changed
I can’t seem to smile. Is it worth my while?
All I do is scream and yell. I might as well just go to hell.
It feels like I've been hit and no one is coming to the rescue.
I cry all alone at night and no one seems to notice.
It's been a week and I feel worthless.
Anger is building and I feel horrible.
No music is helping and everyday worsens.
I contemplate ending my pain but it messes with my brain.
There's too much stress and suppressed emotions.
Things keep changing and nothing is helping.
It's been a month and I might as well be dead.
Welcome inside my twisted up head.
Me Versus You
Through your eyes you see me as perfect.
Through mine I see nothing but flaws.
Through your ears you hear my sweet voice.
Though mine I hear something dieing.
Through your nose you smell my sweet shampoo.
Through mine I smell my sweat pouring out.
Through your mouth you taste my tender lips.
Through mine I taste my awful breath.
Through your touch you feel my soft skin.
Through mine I feel every bump on my skin.
Through your thoughts you think I’m a beuitful person.
Through mine I think I have nothing but imperfections.
#poetry
Latin messes up my beautiful poem
Translated once into latin and back
New
I am worried, I am not ashlynn These men lie in wait Will be packaged in a bundle of problems young girl 15 My flesh and acts so as to have the body to 80 Blocked by other techie But I'm really stressed in a nail bitter See my peers healthy student While I was in the flesh and putrid, I say im busy, but not everyone thinks school related Since I am busy waiting in the doctor's offices Every one sees the pain of awards Of Girl Spent restless nights with lots of anxiety that I see Some six thousand of dollars from the other pursuits, While struggling to see the mine He came in to me, my people to hear someone, to him it is with the work of the I, too, will hear, and will give thee counsel, that is the best, I was first there All others and stolons I feel the pain of their own, only to the movement of Others see the girl in the fight slip past I feel one of the social as well as for the sake of his chest beat his breast A disciple of the Master, who is working hard to see to others and assists them Do not be afraid to see whose the attempt, as long as a little girl If you stop, indeed, a very small, I do not know if they will ever get going again This is what I'm just a little girl broken He is ready to take on the world
Original
Hi I'm anxious wait no I’m AshLynn
I’m a bundle of problems packaged into a young girl
My body acts like its 80 when its really 15
Others see a confident techie
But I'm really a stressed nail bitter
My peers see a healthy student
While I feel my body crumbling
I say im busy, but everyone thinks its school related
I know I’m busy waiting in doctor's offices
Everyone sees a smart girl with awards
I see restless nights with lots anxiety
Others see a six-thousand dollar scholarship
While I see my family struggling to get by
People come to me when they need someone to listen
I listen well and give the best advice because I’ve been there before
Others see all kind of braces
I feel the pain from yet another dislocation
Others see a girl slip past the fight
I feel my heart beat out of chest because of social confrontation
Teachers see a student who works hard and helps others
While I see a girl whos afraid to stop trying
If I stop even a little bit
I don't know if I will ever get going again
As I sit here I'm just a broken girl
Who’s ready to take on the world
Umbridge
I'm going to start this of with saying Umbridge is and forever will be my least favorite character. If she became my teacher I would try to withhold all my snide remarks i make about my teachers. Knwing my luck i would probably end up on her bad side and in detetion. My way to get out of writing lines would be to just start bawling and talk about all my issues. Hopefully she would just want me out of her office and i would never get detention again. I would make sure to turn in all my assiments on time as well that way i never lose points.
#Ravenclaw
Death of a friend
The saddest day was when I lost my best friend. The previous night I didnt sleep so that I could spend time with her. Then the time came for us to go. I packed her up already teary eyed and we got in the truck. My dad kept trying to say it would put her out of her pain since she couldnt even hop. We went inside and we got checked in and than I sat there petting her through cage, wishing I had been home more often. They called us back and the vet said that there was nothing else he could do and that it was time to say my goodbye as he went to get the nurse and the supplies. Tears were running down my face and I'm sure my sobs could be heard a mile a way. It was 5 minutes and I still wasnt ready to say goodbye. A box of tissues was almost gone. How did they expect me to say goodbye to someone who had changed my life. They said I could be with her till she closed her eyes, but I hurt so much my dad told me to just go to the truck. I left her there for her final moments with complete strangers. I cried the rest of the day and into the night. No matter what the saddness consumed me. My mother tried to help but nothing would work. I was broken inside.
Change in Christmas
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. and everyone has urst into song yet i cant quite seem to sing along and all i can think is something must be wrong. I'm not exicted for this holiday season and no matter how much i search for the spirt i seem to come up empty-handed. So much has changed since I was young. We use to gather and have a huge celebration but now I'm missing out on the exhilaration. Fighting use to happen but it was part of the season. Everyone one gets on edge but it no reason to end our traditions. Christmas was my constent and now it is gone. I cant even listen to the songs.
3.
Excitement was bubbling through me along with bumfuzzlement. My brain kept switching from “OMG I just won” to “there is no way I could have won that.”
“Your cake was amazing. I knew you would win, the only problem is that now I will need to hire more staff,” my boss said as she got out of the car.
“Why do you need more staff? I’m not planning on leaving the bakery.”
“Because once people find out that our bakery made that cake people will come from all over just to get one of our cakes.”
“But they can’t even see how amazing it is. I mean the colors make it look so much better than if you see it in just black and white.”
“It doesn’t matter. They want a cake that was worthy of royalty.”
“Oh. I guess I’ll have to come in early tomorrow. I’m going home to bed. Goodnight.”
“You think you’re working tomorrow? Well, you're not. You have to be at the castle with your cake. You won yourself an invite to the event of a lifetime.”
“Just me? You aren’t going? Are my parents going? Why do I need to be there?”
“Calm down child! You’ll be fine. You're the only one with an invite because you made the cake. Now you are to go home to bed and your parents will make sure you are up and ready for the crowning.” I tried to speak, but she stopped me and continued, “You have an outfit to wear, now go home.”
I said goodnight one last time and then started to walk home. I live on the outskirts of town so the walk is about 15 minutes. I have to go through the dark zone to get home. The dark zone is an area of town where electricity is turned off and people are exiled. Our house is on the edge of it and functions as a watch tower to make sure the exiled don’t escape. My parents don’t like me walking through it because their jobs put them face to face with the crazies who live here. I’m suppose to walk around but that causes the walk to actually be 30 minutes. As I was passing an alleyway, I got pulled into it. I went to scream but a hand was put over my mouth.
“Please don’t scream Crystal. I need to talk to you. I’m the prince. Please don’t scream.” The man removed his hand from my mouth.
“If you are the prince then I am the tooth fairy. There’s no way the prince would come this far from the castle, let alone enter the dark area without any guards.”
“You don’t have to believe that I’m the prince, but I know your secret.”
“What secret? Everyone in this town knows everything about me.”
“Oh, so the whole town knows that you can see colors.”
“Walk with me while we talk. I’m expected home soon.” I started walking and a few seconds later, I heard him start to follow. “Who are you actually? If you say you’re the prince again, you better have some proof.”
“Fine. I choose your cake to win the contest. The cake had a waterfall and a creek with little fish in it. The words on top were written in red.”
“How would you know the color? You aren’t crowned yet.”
“I’ve always been able to see colors just like you. I don’t know how or why but we need to figure it out.”
“No, what needs to happen is me going into my house and going to bed. You need to get back to the castle and prepare for your crowning tomorrow. Then I will continue working at my bakery and never seeing anyone of royalty again.”
“how's that going to work if you are required to be there tomorrow?”
“ill fake being sick. plus its one day and then i'm done.”
“We’ll see about that. Goodnight Crystal.”
How in the world am I supposed to sleep? He seemed desperate to get help, but it won't matter to him anyway. he gets crowned tomorrow he shouldn't be worried, im the one who would die not him.