"You idiot!"

To say i was livid would be sugar coating it. It was 3:00am and i was doing 60mph on a 50 road. Honestly i didnt care about whatever charges i would likely incur from this, my only worry was getting my friend - who was currently vomiting into a bin i had so graciously provided - to the hospital. Why are we heading there you must ask? Well let me enlighten you.

Earlier that morning.... lets say around 2:30am i was sleeping when my phone started going haywire with insistant buzzing. The screen lighting up like the 4th of July. Through hazey eyes i read the name at the top: Serra. Serra is one of my only friends in the world that i consider family. Without hesitation i answered.

"Hello" i mumbled

"Chris....Oh thank god, you gotta come quick!"

Instantly my body was on high alert

"Darren? Why do you have Serra's phone? Whats wrong?"

"We dont have time just get here quick!"

"Where are you and for god sake tell me what the hell is going on!"

"We're at Vinnie's...... It's not good, I.....I did'nt think this would happen oh god"

"God dammit Darren, i'm on my way.... keep on the phone and explain what happened. Where is Serra!"

I could hear shuffleing in the background followed by vomiting.

"We were at the party and she was very tense.... i just wanted her to loosen up a bit.... i did'nt think, oh god i swear i did'nt know this would happen"

My blood ran cold through my veins, it was as if the world had turned to absolute zero.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!" i roared

"I gave her some pills i got from vinnie. I have no clue as to what they are! " he sobbed

Silence. In that moment i could honestly say i was about to commit murder. How DARE he drug her. She.... no, i trusted him with her. A stupid decision on my part and one that i was going to make him regret.

"Darren let me make this very clear.... i am pulling into the driveway now. Bring her outside, give her to me and run. If i see you within a hundred yards of Serra after this i will kill you. Not only do i know how to make your death seem like a natural one, i also know how to make somebody suddenly dissapear. Do you understand Darren. I am angry, truly angry. It takes a lot to make me lose my temper but by god you've done it"

That takes us to where we are now. Well almost - we made it to the hospital and she was wheeled away. I was the one left to phone her parents and tell them that there daughter had suffered an OD because thats what happened. She had overdosed on those god damn pills and not one of them had the balls to call an ambulance. So here i am, sitting in the waiting room with her sobbing parents - all the while only too words run rampant through my brain.

"You Idiot".

A smile can hide a thousand emotions, you just have to practice.

That's right come on, lift your head.... That's it. Relax your shoulders. If you're tense it makes the smile unbelievable and stiff. Now try to smile. Try pulling the corners of your mouth up more but not too much - if need be show some teeth and give a chuckle while you're doing it. If you practice long enough you can learn to keep this facade up all day.

The eyes are often the downfall though - a real smile can be seen by the emotion in the eyes. My advice is focus on the area under their eyes or even their shoulder. Never focus on their eyes unless you are sure you can decieve them. It takes a lot of time to be able to decieve someone while maintaining eye contact.

I have perfected this smile.

This smile protects me from the hurt that others inflict.

I can wear this like a cloak and discard it in the solitude of my home.

It's perfect.

It's useful

It's.... so

Lonely.

Dear absentee.

Why?

That one haunting word. Why. Ultimatley all my questions come down to that one specific word. Why do you not love me?

Was i too messy as a child?

i'm sorry, i'll try harder

Did i steal your sleep?

i'm sorry, i'll be better

Was i too loud for you?

i'm sorry

I find my mind running amock, trying fruitlessly to provide my fractured brain with a reason as to why you became an alcoholic. All these questions but no answers. I know i will never get one from you as you have a "new" family. All i can do is come to terms with the fact that you dont love me.

My birthday came and went........ with me sitting on the stairs............ waiting for a card i knew would never come. How pathetic am i. When i finally decided to move, it was only because i deluded myself into thinking that maybe you sent me a private message instead. Do you realise how my heart sored as i raced to boot up my laptop, how i struggled with actually opening facebook with my shakey hands, how my face hurt with a smile that only got bigger

How it all came crashing down.

No message from you greeted me. None. Thats ok though. Whats one more ignored year to the seven before.

You see i'm lucky.

i do have family that want me. i have my mother, a marvellous woman who's heart is bigger than this world.

My grandparents who spoil me whith the love and attention that you could..... no, that you would never give.

So tell me this father.......

Did you ever even want me?

/////Sorry for any spelling mistakes/////

He examined her through the shards of the broken window as she juggled a knife, her makeup once pristine left running down her olive face. Alone in the house, her parents long since gone, seeking refuge in a cold box of vacant walls. Her room was a prison made for her body while her mind held her hostage. Thoughts of a paradise without pain replayed over and over. He watched as violent sobs wracked her body. Watched as she hesitantly levelled the blade above her wrist and sliced across.

Time froze and in that moment she held her breath. She wondered if she had missed but the slight sting told her otherwise. Blood bubbled to the surface slowly. Relief adorned her features, the instant rush of adrenaline and ecstasy proved too much. All common sense pushed aside, her mind had quietened for the first time in a while.

He watched as she washed away her pain.

One slice.

Two slice.

Third cut too deep.

Crimson flowers bloomed from the jagged crisscrossed lines. Her nostrils flared at the sickly sweet metallic scent as it flowed straight over the edge of her arm seeping into the bed. She started to panic – suddenly realising that this isn’t what she wanted, she didn’t want to die. Blood continued to pour out at an alarming rate. Her wild flailing soon became sluggish with the more blood she shed until moments later she fainted.

This was it, he glided to her side in an instant ready to collect. Only moments later her spirit was standing beside him gazing fearfully into his dead eyes.

“I don’t want to die” she shrieked. “Please, please”

He said nothing instead grabbing her arm. He learned long ago to steel his heart. They always beg and try to barter .Promising all the possessions in the world, promising to become a better person. These things meant nothing to him. He turned pausing slightly when the front door opened.

Her mother and father had arrived home to the foul stench of blood. They called for their daughter but no answer came. Fearing the worst they sprinted up the stairs, taking two at a time to her room, where all they found was her broken shell.

Her mother let out a shrill scream. “My Baby!” Her distraught form now cradling her daughter’s body. Desperately shaking her. Her father on the other hand had already called an ambulance and was now tying a cloth around her wrist.

“Don’t just sit there, put pressure on her wrist”.

The mother ignored him, she just repeated wake up baby over and over like a broken record on repeat.

He glanced at the lady surprised to see the tears on her face and a dejected smile. He knew she was hurting, he could feel it.

“Dad always was the calm one. Mom panics but he always stays calm”

She turned to him. “Please don’t take me away. I promise that when my time comes I won’t fight but please…”

Her gentle voice thawed his frozen heart. None had ever had an effect like this on him. None had ever been able to win yet she was special. For some reason he faltered.

He released her arm. Watching as her spirit drifted back into her body. She whispered a faint “thank you”. He turned and dissipated back into the night, drifting serenely along the sky.

He would return in time and when he does, she would be his forever. There would be no escaping, no bargaining.

Death had found his Lady.