Perspective
I used to reason
that I’d be skinny
on some long lost day
slender, fit – hurray!
used to ruminate
on days that would come
when life would improve
so long I did hope…
but now, years older
still a stout boulder
heavy and rotund
relentlessly judged
if only by me
I question my worth
but then I re-look –
date-stamped old photos
remembering days
when I thought I was
self-esteem escaped
and now it’s too late
for so much has changed
and looks aren’t the game
© J.A. Smith 2020
#bodyimage #growingup #glowingup #transgender #FTM #poetry #newpoetry #reflections #time #growth
Back & Forth
she paces and it overwhelms my mind
she paces and I cannot prevent it
she paces over and over through time
she paces, standard blue-light screen, face lit
sand washed bamboo floors,
under her soft feet
suede slippers in sky
plying secrets from
slats supple, yet firm
where her tensed toes meet
she paces, paces nothing will stop her
back and forth
forth and back
over endless cracks
on the stomped-on boards
of our humble floors
she paces and I cannot stop her mind
she paces, for she simply cannot sit
she paces, fixed on her hand-held lifeline
she paces and nothing can control it
© J.A. Smith 2020
#anxiety #marriedlife #happywifehappylife #writethroughthemadness #poetry #newpoetry #LGBTQ #queercouples
Aqueous
But for the gills,
for all the fins –
the fish swims.
Sole purpose
Nature’s focus
to stay alive,
simple drive –
the fish swims.
Wholly compelled
for there is no
other quint-
essential
function of life.
Since if it stops
lingers still,
it has no
clear outward show –
’cept lifelessness.
The fish swims
in all time
to be what is
obliged to be.
© J.A. Smith 2019
#writing #poetry #motivation #life #purpose
To invite or not to invite?
I like to think I’m steel
strong against the weather
and cold battering rams
but now I feel the acid
of hurt flooding my chest
rising and coming in fast
passed by
overlooked
a connection
questioned
am I not necessary?
my vanity stings and I wonder
is it justified to take offense?
or do I inflate my importance?
© J.A. Smith 2019
#friendship #weddings #love #pain #jealousy #poetry #nonfiction