I used to reason

that I’d be skinny

on some long lost day

slender, fit – hurray!

used to ruminate

on days that would come

when life would improve

so long I did hope…

but now, years older

still a stout boulder

heavy and rotund

relentlessly judged

if only by me

I question my worth

but then I re-look –

date-stamped old photos

remembering days

when I thought I was

self-esteem escaped

and now it’s too late

for so much has changed

and looks aren’t the game

© J.A. Smith 2020

#bodyimage #growingup #glowingup #transgender #FTM #poetry #newpoetry #reflections #time #growth

Disquiet abounds

What if it all collapses

Before my amends

© J.A. Smith 2020

#pandemic #poetry #newpoetry #uncertainty #COVID-19 #whatishappening

she paces and it overwhelms my mind

she paces and I cannot prevent it

she paces over and over through time

she paces, standard blue-light screen, face lit

sand washed bamboo floors,

under her soft feet

suede slippers in sky

plying secrets from

slats supple, yet firm

where her tensed toes meet

she paces, paces nothing will stop her

back and forth

forth and back

over endless cracks

on the stomped-on boards

of our humble floors

she paces and I cannot stop her mind

she paces, for she simply cannot sit

she paces, fixed on her hand-held lifeline

she paces and nothing can control it

© J.A. Smith 2020

#anxiety #marriedlife #happywifehappylife #writethroughthemadness #poetry #newpoetry #LGBTQ #queercouples

But for the gills,

for all the fins –

the fish swims.

Sole purpose

Nature’s focus

to stay alive,

simple drive –

the fish swims.

Wholly compelled

for there is no

other quint-

essential

function of life.

Since if it stops

lingers still,

it has no

clear outward show –

’cept lifelessness.

The fish swims

in all time

to be what is

obliged to be.

© J.A. Smith 2019

#writing #poetry #motivation #life #purpose

if I’m an asshole

one out of ten

occasions

does that make it

not worth it?

is that

acceptable

or over the line?

by an inch

a yard, a mile?

is one out of ten

reason to stop

completely?

© J.A. Smith 2019

#drinking #alcohol #relationships #forgiveness #mistakes #life #love #poetry

Exquisite pain, yum

Flowing through my veins it numbs

Controlled perfection

© J.A. Smith 2019

#life #poetry #tattoo #pain

An eye on the clock

Counting down the time until

We light and inhale

© J.A. Smith 2019

#420 #goodtimes #sativa #poetry

Soft

Pulsating

Sweet

Tingling

Supple

Intoxicating

Sultry

Inebriating

I take her in

She feels me sigh

Into relief for it’s time

To fall into each other

© J.A. Smith 2019

#romance #sex #latenight #shouldbesleeping #life #love #poetry #nonfiction

It’s nonsensical

I only ever observe

The sunrise at night

© J.A. Smith 2019

#upallnight #late #poetry #sunrise #morning

I like to think I’m steel

strong against the weather

and cold battering rams

but now I feel the acid

of hurt flooding my chest

rising and coming in fast

passed by

overlooked

a connection

questioned

am I not necessary?

my vanity stings and I wonder

is it justified to take offense?

or do I inflate my importance?

© J.A. Smith 2019

#friendship #weddings #love #pain #jealousy #poetry #nonfiction