We live in a society, where we are taught varying subjects, topics, ideas, courses and so on.

Some of which you may have already deemed useless - depending on your aspirations and place on the spectrum of life.

Many life lessons are learnt through experiences, whether directly or indirectly.

But, a thought has been plaguing me for years now...

Why are some critical lessons not taught or introduced at different stages of life as a part of the syllabi?

Let me ask you:

Who taught you about insurance?

Health, House, Vehicle, Life.

Who taught you about the values and priorities in life such as:

Owning a home;

Owning an affordable, sustainable and efficient home or car;

Proper money management, including saving, the ever-victimizing 'credit', loans: different types to avoid, taxes;

Debt, the forever demon of many of us - whether from schooling, mortgage, car payments, medical bills;

Having a 'pension plan', through wages or through investments;

Who sat down and reasoned with you about your choices in life?

Or the upcoming expectancies?

Guided you?

A parent, guardian, friend, family member, teacher?

Were they actually listening and helping you reason through your ideas and goals?

We know that not everyone will be able to do this, therefore who speaks and listens to them?

So many schools and homes produce scholarly individual, who are sheltered and unaware of certain life expectancies.

They get caught off-guard, misguided and often times victimized.

At what point should we be made aware of these issues.

Do we allow others to stumble along as we did as a part of 'Learning about life', then toss them a rope after they fell into deep holes?

Who teaches or encourages them to get back up when they fall?

Are you one of the critics? Were you constructive?

Most persons aim to have someone.

Even if the person isn't exactly who they want.

But I seriously wonder...

Why bother? Why lead them on?

Are you that desperate to fill that empty void?

To avoid the loneliness?

To not be alone?

Even if it means using another? Stringing them along for your own benefit?

Or atleast under the guise of mutal benefits?

Don't you think that's somewhat...cruel?

No? You prefer to know you have someone to call yours?

Even if you aren't truly theirs in your mind?

Even when you know, you fear commitment?

Wow, the human race....

Why do we fear being alone with ourselves?

To spend time in solitude to understand and enjoy our own company?

Do you truly know yourself?

Or do you only accept who you are through the eyes of ours?

Awaiting their approvals....

Entering relationships to be defined by the affiliation?

As humans, we thrive in the interaction and company of others.

"We are social being."

But when is platonic relationships no longer enough?

When does one cross the line due to the need for intimacy, even if just at the companionship level?

When does one feel the need to be compassionate and reach out to another to comfort and be comforted?

Why do we as humans need it? Why do they as humans need it...

Is there a reason unrequited affections feel as strong as the mutal affection for some but not for others?

The yearning after another, who doesn't notice you or think of you beyond a platonic relation? #ForeverFriendzoned

Does persevering work?

Do you give up? Do you give up and move on?

But then, when you finally move on they notice you and want to move you up a few ranks?

Does one dowse the new flame and rekindle the old, as way to fulfill old desires?

Are there still sparks though?

Enough to start a 'new' fire from old wood?

Or do you add more wood to the new to keep it ablaze and even higher to engulf the small older remains, til nothing but the new, burns bright?

Is it cruel to just out a fire prematurely instead?

Just to rekindle a fire that is unstable and may never re-light?

Maybe even ruining an amazing fire for another than may be duller in comparison or outshine it, but risk it anyway?

Maybe even ruining the wood from the current fire for awhile, causing it to shiver in despair as you work to re-light the other?

Or maybe, it is more understandable to think of the old flame as 'first' and should be prioritized?

Is it from selfish desires to ensure a fire could burn using that wood, and it wasn't just empty desires? Just to be fulfilled and know you had no regrets?

Or would it be cruel to simple tell the person "You're too late, I've moved on"?

But...

What do you do when they are persistent?

What do you do when the old flame catches the leaves of mutual friendships?

How does one extinguish such a blaze?

But is it truly fair of the old flame and the leaves to even be pushing so hard to rekindle a fire they refused to let ablaze or even notice when it was onesided and smothered by another so close?

Hmmm, so much conflicts in the human world.

Sigh. It's sad really.

How does one fix your relations to how you desire without the manipulation of another and/ hurting them also?

Do we really want either of these fires to even be burning, but in fear of going cold and alone attempt to maintain atleast one?

Thought of any? Tell me. 

Originally written in Mar2015

Edited in Jun2017

If You Can't Say Anything Nice.

Say Nothing At All.

No. It Should Be:

If You Can't Say Anything Constructive. 

Keep Quiet.

We canʼt always be nice… 

Always Being Nice Sometimes Means Being Deceptive.

Isn't it better I help you than lie to you. No?

Then I'll just try harder to keep quiet.

You stare into the mirror,

'I look cute today', you deduce with a bright smile

'Yea, like a chubby lil adorable piggy', you smile back sardonically

'Not today'

'No everyday'

You walk away feeling pained

You skip breakfast because you lost your appetite.

Or so you tell yourself.

Around one past midday, 

You feel the beginning of a headache,

A telltale sign, hunger.

'I should get something, even though I don't fell hungry'

You get up.

'You don't deserve food'

You sit down.

'Even if you don't, your body needs something'

You buy an apple and a water.

You eat and feel content.

Your friends look at you weirdly,

You shrug.

'It's filling', you smile.

Your brain has convinced your body but your friends aren't.

You spend the rest of the day in classes,

Listening, writing learning

Ignoring.

You get home,

You avoid the kitchen.

Shower and head to bed.

This is your routine, with the daily mix of a sugarless cup of brewed coffee or green tea for lunch.

Or intermittently eat dinner to not be too suspicious,

After which hating yourself for having so much.

Or a fruit salad and sugarless tea to stay up and study.

You eventually break this cycle and start eating at least twice per day.

You silence the voice of argue.

You break this habit after months of consolation.

One evening after a long day on the road, you feel for a treat.

You get a scoop of coconut ice-cream and mixed nuts.

You walk past a relative, cup in hand.

"I knew you couldn't stay away for too long", they smile as you burrow your eyebrows in confusion.

"What do you mean by that."

"You had to have something when you got in. I knew you would."

You, stare as you understand what is being implied.

Gluttony.

You try again.

"What are you implying?"

Their eyes slowly scan your body from head to toe, then shrug.

"Well. You know what I mean."

You stare into their condescending smile.

You glance down into your cup, appetite gone and a feeling of distaste envelopes you.

The voice whispers after a long spell of silence.

'She thinks you eat too much and you're fat.'

You stare at the cup, returned to the kitchen and place it in the freezer.

You past the same relative, again.

"Where's your snack? You finished already?"

"No its in the kitchen"

You hear the thoughts of old habits circulate around you like a chorus.

You hate it, yet welcome it.

You recall your days of consolation.

'You deserve to have what you want. You are not harming yourself or others'

'Not yet'

You struggle as you return to the kitchen, determined to have your treat.

'Just this once'

'No'

'Yes'

You take the first teaspoon full, hands shaking in resistance.

You place it in your mouth, tempted to spit it out.

Your jaw goes slack in rebellion.

You force yourself to swallow as your favourite ice-cream tastes like nothing.

You feel ashamed of your BD,

You have the rest to feel stronger, in control.

Deserving.

You grimace at the cup,

Washing it quickly as if to get the evidence away from your sight.

You feel ashamed to eat the known fatty food, though you know the brand was low in sugar if not sugarless.

But it was still ic-cream, a product known to fatten.

A product with which you share a dysfunctional relationship,

much like its dairy counterparts.

You force yourself to accept it.

You know you should.

But not tonight,

Not when that unexpected conversation kept playing in your head,

as well as the knowing look you got.

The same you get, feel or see others give you or anyone like you.

Thought you knew it was the opposite.

Your size defines you to others, as well as your prescribed behaviours.

They assume and past judgement.

They comment without a care,

You build a thick wall but a small crack still brings acute pain,

a crack that can enlarge. 

Body Dysmorphic Disorders affect a large spectrum of individuals,

the ones that seem OK, are usually the ones that aren't.

Be careful of what you say to others.

You may never know what they are fighting against.

The waiting game.

We all dislike it,

yet accept as a part of life.

"Patience is a virtue"

But is it really?

It demonstrates self-control.

Portrays a calm, stable reliable character.

But is everything worth waiting for?

Cold steel vice-gripped.

Unshed tears,

distorted vision.

Aerial view of your sleeping form.

Closed door.

A whisper.

"I,"

"forgive you."

I once read that what you see is what you perceive it to be.

This was later echoed by my Cognitive Psychology lecturer,

then Tutor for that same course the next day.

Is what we see truly there?

Am I truly watching these letters form before me as I gently tap away at this keyboard?

Are the letters truly black?

If black is the absence of light and subsequently colour, then what is white?

Does our mind choose what colours we perceive?

Do we truly see in colour?

Do monochromatic colourblind individuals truly see the world in black and white or shades of it?

Could you...

handle the world...

drained of all its colour?

Could you handle not seeing the world at all?

An abyss of darkness?

I don't think I could.

The fear that captures me at the mere thought alone runs shivers down my spine.

I know, I couldn't.

The feeling of uncertainty and fear that grips me each time I have to move around in a pitch-black room.....confirms it.

The sheer sadness I feel towards the visual impaired, even as a bespectacled person brings forth a wave of gratitude for my sight, however fuzzy it currently is.

But, if what we see is only a perception or interpretation, then is anything really there, especially when there is no touch...

Although even touch is a perception.

Are the blind really missing out on what we view as sight, if we are all just perceiving that something truly exist when it does not truly have to exist?

Is what I see, the same thing you see?

What is sight?

What are we seeing?

Should we trust our own eyes?

We live in a world where we are suspicious of others.

The statement "I trust no one", overused.

Yet, we live daily depending on others.

Trusting them to ensure we survive.

Trusting, that the farmers will produce our food.

Trusting, that the grocery stores will continue to open their doors.

Trusting, that your neighbours will be responsible enough to maintain a stable household as to not corrupt yours; either with rodents, pests or physical harm such as fire.

Trusting, that your security system at home will perform and prevent or alert the security company of any issues.

Trusting, that the banks will keep your life savings secure.

Trusting, that the hospital and staff will do their best to fix you.

Trusting, that the companies that provide you service in any way, will not fail you at the most crucial circumstances.

Trusting, that the driver in the car beside you won't endanger his life nor yours.

Trusting, that the driver of the car you just walked by won't mow you down as you cross the pedestrian crossing.

Trusting, that the engineer that designed any tool that you use on a daily basis will not malfunction when you need it the most; or be your fatal demise.

Trusting, that the meteorologist will keep you posted on the latest natural disasters.

Trusting, that the government will provide for the country and not initiate a potentially mass-genocide-resulting-war.

Trusting, that the teachers in school had taught and guided you; and the future generation along the correct path or direction.

Trusting, that your favourite author will continue writing your beloved stores.

Trusting, that your 'Friends', 'Acquaintances' or 'Significant Other' will be good to you and not intended to hurt you.

Why do we place such blind trust in others and things that we need to survive and live comfortably in this world; yet declare our hate for the world, people and their distrustful, manner?

Do we really trust 'no one', if we have to consequently trust others to exist in  this world?

Therefore, are the users of the phrase, 'I trust no one',  liars?