You are lost, child

not alone.

don't you ever question

why you still scream out?

mental mutilation and

lifting up your arms above your head

to pull on the strings

with desperate intensity

and lack of control

you watch your own the body respond

elation castration,

oversaturation

craven desires

mistaken for needs

pupils dilate and

people like you more

feeling just a little better

then rocking back to normal

go to work and wake up early

strings slacked, lay at your sides

and other people pull them

you are no longer held up

and the car goes faster

and the radio's loud

and that god forsaken master

waits in a box until you get home

Physically hauling the material remnants of the two worst things to happen to me in my life in one day brought me a sense of exhaustion and peace.

The next day, my anger is what I notice the most.

Injustice and other people's disgraceful behavior force humility onto people.

there's a quiet desperation

to being high

knowing that it's gonna take another hit

to get that feeling only God can really give

stringing from tomorrow and tomorrow again

where does the voiceless mania go to

when it dissipates into the fog and

becomes inarticulable?

The electric fire burns throughout at times

straining every muscle against limitation

and forcing seamless motivation.

the free energy is boundless in intensity

it hits the ground running and

flashes behind those eyes

which reflect an unknown desire.

something just out of reach.

to move at all is good enough

but in those moments, no.

there has got to be more than this

to keep the spirit going

where does that voiceless mania go

when it runs out of options

after hitting every wall and finding

no escape for itself?

deflated and unnerved

returning to its cave

to rest its voice

so it can scream inside again

relief

off-gassing pressure

hisssss

as you realize the problem

was never that big of a deal

in the first place

lay my body down

day's end sun set

tired as the morning

and the moon hangs over

lonely is the night

i heard that before somewhere

laying reminiscing in the

television glow

other people's stories

so dissimilar to mine,

makes a man feel lonely

but it helps to pass the time

couple drinks here or there

or a pill to make it easy

to settle down into the bed

and rest, sleep, dream

incredible surge of ambition

anger and anxiety

knowing i can fix things

feeling overwhelmed

no real sense of words to say

about what i would do

but there is now a better way

that i can guide you through

shamefully lays there under the covers

at 1:00 in the afternoon on a saturday

after a night out at the bar that was probably not worth the money

the headache is cured by oxycodone, unnecessarily

lunch is secured and the tv is turned on

showing something to stare at mindlessly

nothing gets done today

nothing made better

that's okay for today

tomorrow'll be better

go now you are forgiven,

be at peace with your misgivings

know that there was nothing else that you could have done

feel the lightness in the air excite you

moments of opportunity which last only briefly

and tempt the fear in you

grasp that lightning, child

feel the surge of its power in you

and be one with the chaotic energy

control it and understand it

notice how it destroys things

be at peace and know that you are perfect

you are forgiven

perpetually

you have done nothing wrong