So now I sit here in silence.
And now
I just sit here
in silence,
clutching the remains
of my mind, heart and soul;
chained to my memories and
imprisoned by my nostalgia;
which, ironically, are the only things
that electrify my near dead neurons
and pump through my heart
bright red blood.
I know this to be true,
because every time I think of you
electricity surges through my hands
up to my fingertips,
leaving me shaking;
and the lump in my throat
makes me choke on my own tears,
leaving me breathless
and gasping for air,
for sanity......
It’s like I’ve been struck at the heart
by my own naïve innocence,
It’s all a cruel joke isn’t it?
This isn’t real, is it?
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
And I manage to somehow calm down,
more out of exhaustion
than sheer inner strength....
And just when I think I’ve survived it,
another entire cycle begins again,
and again,
and again.....
So now
I sit here
in silence........
~Love.
Ps. The image is of the ocean at sunset. I love the waves, the foam, the way the light shimmers on the water. Looking at the ocean waves calms me.
I want to be left alone.
Alone with my aching soul,
watching the night sky darken
as the glittering stars fade.
Alone with my broken heart,
seeing through my mind’s eye
how different it could have been
had better choices been made.
Alone with the last glimmer of hope,
wondering what comes next
and if I have the strength to try again
when dawn breaks.
Leave me alone,
I’m happier this way.
~Love.
Tell me that
I might not
ever see you again....
you value honesty
the most, don’t you?
Tell me that
I’m long forgotten,
that all traces
of me are
obliterated
by you.
And then,
if you can,
tell me that
you loved me,
even if for just
those few moments.
For in the morning,
when the skies
turn soft pink
from a dark blue,
I know
you will have
made it through....
I know
you will have moved on
to other beautiful realities,
as you so rightly deserve to.....
and I know
that I won’t,
and can’t.
-If we don’t make it,
this was enough.
For me.
~Love.
