you use me

like a punching bag

skin bruised with your words

and then you calm down and act like nothing happened

almost as if it’s therapeutic

to punch, and punch

but my body

still remembers

you are in denial

but I can tell you are not in love

it is in your eyes gazing

at me full of disgust

for no reason at all

maybe it makes you feel better

so if it helps

but you and I know

you hate me

so

i gave up my dreams

but you don’t see

the effort of me trying something different for our kids

i will give up everything

happily

but you

say

i am nothing

i do nothing difficult

like i didn’t drop out for our kids

maybe I gave a harder path but why do you always make me small

when I gave up my dreams for them

your kids

and I am still searching for new dreams but every time you shut them down with negativity

I am tired

I don’t have anything to prove to you only them

but it still cracks the shell of my glass heart

And then the days you

when you don’t

need me

i am a walking

invisibility cloak

sad this

reality for them

as I wait

for our better days

to come

I realize

it is no longer what

I want

always

running dry

on conversation

until it is time

to rip my heart to shreds

always pointing

out my broken shell

so it cracks even more

even when I try every

day to be better

to bring more

to the table

but I know

now

all I do

will never be enough

for you

I need to stop

getting my hopes

up thinking

I can be somebody

but you always

remind me

I am no better

than the next

don't know

why it hurts

like hell

but I tried

I keep trying

I fail

I fail

I fail

I fail