Stay in bed.

Dream all day.

Live your life the simple way.

Close the door.

Turn away.

It's all experience anyway.

Desire this?

Desire that?

Either way you'll go astray.

Run and hide.

Stay inside.

All there is to do is pray.

I was blessed with the curse of deep suffering

But only those who suffer become brave

and only those who are brave and suffer

will make good art

and only those who make art

can relive

their bravery and suffering

heal and hurt

all over again

The sun

came in through the window

creating streamers of

light, dust particles and smoke,

revealing the space between things,

revealing the three dimensional nature

of my reality.

The expansiveness of the universe

unveiled before my eyes

by the simple

phenomenon

of light streaming in

from the window.

Each previously invisible particle

appeared weightless

as the light glimmered

floating in space

as a formless form.

But more than just

a vision,

this was a feeling,

an emotion,

an awakening.

It was like becoming

aware of a dream

while still dreaming.

It was realizing the reality

of space and time

as it exists as an illusion,

life as a beautiful mirage.

I was not jaded,

I did not feel cheated

rather, eternally grateful

and appreciative

that the world

presented itself to me

in such a miraculous

and sensational

manner.

When I looked into his eyes

I saw a better version of myself

and he into mine

a better version of he.

For this,

perhaps our love was a

selfish way to love ourselves.

But, who cares,

if it made us feel complete.

Because, the closest you may get

to experiencing yourself

as another

is to stare at the reflection

of yourself in

their eyes.

When he said to me:

"If I don't see you in my dreams,

I will be sorely disappointed

in the taste of my subconsious,"

I knew he was my fucking muse,

my starry eyed lover.

Who I oggled over

like a ciggarette

or a Beatles album

that makes me think to myself:

"damn, I could listen to this track

for a thousand year."

Do I have to?

No,

But, I'd be damned if I didn't try,

Damned, if I didn't listen to it even after

it was scratched and skipped.

In this moment,

I wanted to etch his name

into every desk,

in every school,

in every country

so that,

every girl

could know that it is possible,

possible to find

the one

that still brings you butterflies

after a thousand years

and that those butterflies

will drift into your head space

and make you dream of the

billions of laughs

billions of memories

billions of happy tears

you would share with this person

if they would

accept your love forever.

A woman in white dress

wilts in wasted waters.

Bellowing, echoing,

her sound is

only swollowed by the waves

wondering accross

the ocean floor

whirling around

the universe

so wide

that the life of one

woman is only a drop of blood

in the wild waters.

Sometimes

I make up an excuse

about how busy I am

I hop in my car and drive

with no destination

I drive and drive and drive

with the intent

of getting as far away as I possibly can

untill some obligation makes me turn around

and at the turning point

I always ask myself...

what if I kept going and never looked back?

I only pretend I am not

Nerotic.

...

But don't worry I am really fucking good at pretending.

And whether I am pretending or I show my true colors

I promise it'll be a good show.

So stay tuned!

I crave the chaos,

Lust for it.

I am an addict,

of this

I am sure.

Leave me!

Fire me!

Brake me!

Punish me!

Hit me!

Hurt me!

Try...

I dare you!

There is nothing you could do to me!

And you wouldn't even try!

But maybe, I want you to!

So that I can feel alive!

But it wouldn't matter:

I need nothing

Feel nothing

you just

remind me.