on the ironic intention of social media
posting pictures on social media
used to be all
about pictures
that made me feel pretty
now it's pictures
that I think others will find pretty
it doesn't matter anyways
i'll just delete them later
because there are so many
other pictures posted
by those flawless women
that are more worthy
of site space
than my lame attempts
at beauty.
Chap 1 - Excerpt
An attempt at longer form writing. Feedback appreciated as I'm way out of my element here.
The boy takes his time to blink, paying close attention to the darkness as it snakes its way across his plane of vision. He feels safe in the swaddled spectrum behind his eyes as though blindness were a blanket. The sun is warm on his face and it's hard to breathe. It's summer. The air seems to fill his lungs in chucks of humidity and flame. His parents won't be picking him up for hours, and the other children are hogging all the equipment, unaware of the boy sitting by himself in the sun, lonely on the park bench. He hunches forward, elbows meeting knees and face pointed at the red mulch the city put everywhere, presumably to make the playground, and city, look more welcoming. A horsefly lands on his arm; he looks over at it, taking a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to day, forces himself to hold the pose as it bites. The pain makes him think of his parents, still hours out and only blocks away, entertaining friends. Reflex overrules his attempts and he smashes the fly with his palm. It leaves a hole the size of a raindrop. His finger smears a thin, wide trail of red from his wrist to elbow. He giggles.
“Hey everyone! Look at the freak! He's talking to himself again!”
He sighs. The other children finally noticed him.
“Hey Dante! Dirty Dante! What the hell are you doin', freak?”
“Fuck off.” His voice is filled with pain and rage and fear.
The boy, Dante as they call him, stands up and walks away into the street, hands stuffed in his pockets, head down. He walks with a drag, scraping his shoes across the asphalt instead of stepping.
“What'd you say? Hey!....Fuck you Dante! You fuckin pussy! Tell me to fuck off again and we'll all beat your ass!”
Dante pretends not to hear and continues his escape, slowly reaching the sidewalk that runs parallel to the park. He turns left because that's the side the fly gave its life to taste. It feels symbolic somehow. He has nowhere to go.
“I'll jerk off thinking about your moms tonight,” he says under his breath.
They had always treated him like shit. Not that he really ever cared. His passive-aggressive nature was easily subdued by guilt-stained sheets made moist in the dark. His dad talked to him about it. Some half-assed conversation about becoming a man. Home is about a half-mile away and he knows it will be a shitty walk, but fuck it. This is life. His life, and he's walking fast because he's horny with revenge and the strides feel good on his dick. He chuckles.
“Fuck those bastards,” he thinks.
But the guilt comes in like a flood. The joy shrinks, and he decides to pray.
“God, what the hell is wrong with me?” he whispers. He feels like a shadow in the light, distorted by the rays, and the impulses to make his world right, feel like crimes.
“I'm sorry for what I'll do when I get home. Please, forget my name.”
the teenage boy
i met a religious girl once
she said she loved me
my heart would light up seeing her
she said she loved me
i would smile at her at church
she said she loved me
and she would smile back so pretty
she said she loved me
i introduced myself and said hi
she said she loved me
i met her dad and shook his hand
she said she loved me
i asked her to dinner and we danced
she said she loved me
she held my clammy hand
she said she loved me
i was astounded someone so beautiful
she said she loved me
could be mine
she said she loved me
we snuck out once at 4am, sunrise
she said she loved me
i kissed her under the orange glare
she said she loved me
she grinned when i got her flowers
she said she loved me
she started spending her time with me
she said she loved me
she would cheer loudest at my games
she said she loved me
and yell at the refs, defending me
she said she loved me
she was never embarrassed by me
she said she loved me
i broke my leg and she was by my side
she said she loved me
she always said helping was God's way
she said she loved me
i told her i loved her
she said she loved me
when we watched the stars together
she said she loved me
she wanted to wait until marriage
she said she loved me
so we could have all of each other
she said she loved me
and every piece of me could be hers
she said she loved me
she surprised me once with a picnic
she said she loved me
we shared spaghetti
she said she loved me
and kissed lady and the tramp style
she said she loved me
she would let me pick movies
she said she loved me
she didn't mind that i was broke
she said she loved me
she called me her heaven on earth
she said she loved me
she hugged me when my dad died
she said she loved me
she held me when i cried
she said she loved me
i started drinking and she stopped me
she said she loved me
she said i was perfect
she said she loved me
and she could never stop loving me
she said she loved me
but my heart felt so dark
she said she loved me
one day her friend came onto me
she said she loved me
i fucked her best friend
she said she loved me
and i told her
and she wished she didn't love me
she said she loved me
and i broke her heart.
for what?
Let us go
Many years ago, our fathers fought for a belief. The belief we longed enjoyed, before your arrival. You arrived on our planet with your stomach of violence and fist of slavery. You rob us of our priceless possession. The possession that gave us a great name amongst many other countries.
The very possession that empowers the flame of the Statue of Liberty. And also, kindles that same flame to shine through the cricks and cracks of darkness of these world. Exposing the ruthlessness and wickedness that man proclaims upon one another.
These same precious possession is the beacon of hope, when the world around us, falls apart.
These same possession milks the fire in our lungs. It sets the volatile gases of destruction that our fathers carried upon their shoulders to the thirteen British colonies, which erupted as a molten lava, and reduced to ashes, the opposition before them, into millions of nuclear warheads ready to be launched.
The possession, I speak about, is no other, than,"FREEDOM".
Our freedom to be independent.
Our freedom to live, not by cultural believes, but as free thinkers, and to do what we please.
Our freedom to rise to the top, by any means necessary.
That is what you take from us
We can sign you up for that freedom. All you need to do, is become a citizen, pledging to abide by the rules and regulations of the land. These will incubate and nullify every uprising that will spring up, in coming times. If you choose not to comply.
Let us go
United, we stand
Divided, we fall
Thank you.
Your World
How I would hate to live in your world
Full of desperation
Battling your demons as they come fast and hard
Awakened by the sirens call
The sulfur filled air that closes in around your heart
And yet you stay
Afraid to be strong
Scared of being weak
Lost to your madness
How I would hate to live in your world
Full of desperation.
