The BREAKdown
Depression is a glossed over issue. Lost in the world to the bigger problems. No one cares to count the tears that fall into countless number of tissues.
Lost, stuck in a place deep inside yourself. Falling deeper each day. Thinking of new creative ways to end one's self.
Your own words cutting. Each one a more sharper blade. All feelings removed, a clean precise gutting.
Not being able to feel anything at all. Losing all empathy...all sympathy. Simply not caring adding to your own downfall.
Having lost all feelings of self worth. Letting others' opinion cloud your mind. Wishing you had the power to erase your birth.
Squeezing, ripping, breaking your own heart. Having the ability to feel each piece break off in the dark. Body and mind trying to give your death a head start.
Confused between wanting to be alone and to talk to someone; anyone. More often than not left to your own devices. Just wanting it to be over with; just done.
Just so tired. So emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually drained. Giving up on life, so uninspired.
The time has come, just ready to give in. But during the act you have a moment of clarity, you can't go through with it. You can't give up. You can't let evil steal your sunshine, you can't let it win.
Deciding to continue to fight. Holding strong taking control of your life. My life is not over yet, not quite.
A parent’s worse pain
Nooooo! Not my baby. My angel, my miracle baby, my only child. He died in my arms protecting me from a bullet meant for me. Blood splattered everywhere, while the bastard who took his life just laughed.
"Well, darling Sister, he wasn't my intention, but this is far more satisfying."
Two negatives make a positive
Hi, Kevin remember me. It's Tisha we initially met at the club months ago, and again bumped into each other again not that long ago. Well I am calling to tell you, I am pregnant, but that's not even the worst of it. It's quite possible our baby could have HIV.
Wait!!! Before you hang up let me explain. Let me knock off each excuse you try to throw my way. First off I know for sure that this baby is yours. I know we used protection, but nothing is really secure. The condom broke, that's the first negative in our story for sure. The second negative came from me, I lied and said I was on the pill, I just wanted to have some fun you see.
They say two negatives makes a positive, and that is true. One negative from you and one from me, now I am positively pregnant, made from you and me.
Now on to the second part of my story, this is how I know you are the father. No other man has ever touched me, you're the first, and the only. For I have a secret. I was born in a bad situation. I was born infected. I was born not with the virus but the disease. My parents didn't believe in preventative contraception. They are dead, taken by the disease, and I am stuck with this life sentence.
Dear self: tough love
It's okay, big girls do indeed cry.
As you should know, by now your tears should be dry.
What hurts now, won't even matter tomorrow.
It's okay to be sad, just stop drowning in sorrow.
This hurt will EVENTUALLY pass.
Now stop crying you are being a pain in the Ass.
Relationships do come and go.
Now will you just woman up, and get the fuck over it bro.
I love you more than you know.
But baby, you have to stop living in the past, that is the only way you will grow.