Decrepit Id
All I hear is what I wanna hear
Echo chamber between my ears
I’ve lost myself over the years
Taken on great many fears
Someth'n cold, dead within my eyes
Around my heart I’m breeding flies
Limbs at will-
Branched & contorted
Behold my pale face
Absent expressions retorted
Coiled & tense
Ready to strike
Vacant & empty
I’m no longer Mike
God willing
Some infamous villain
Or a fractured dam
With mighty waters a spillin’
Decrepit Id...
Friendless-endless
Defensive, yet
Blatantly candid
So there’s no tellin’
By words I’m a spellin’
What the beast is a smellin’
Nor dreams that I’ve held in
Countdown--Zoom!
Bam--Bam--Boom!
Laughter--Sadness...
Ego eclipse
Bi-polar madness
--Last glance by chance
In blue light of the moon
Nightfall will be dawning soon
Conscious--Alive--Arise
Subconscious Id--Survive--Despise
An implosion within a
Windowless room...
And within that encircled, subtle plume
Self preservation still...
Rushes towards all doom
Again Id eliminating choices
Relentless whispering voices...
’Mourning is wasted...
On others you’ll never know...’
’Burning...taste it...
It all died so long ago...’
Found: In a Glass Bottle
So complicated, how to put in words,
A lifetime growing up and deep, eyes wide;
With all, my conscience always by my side,
To make the voice within me somehow heard.
I am not shallow, that would be absurb,
I try to hide them, but emotions ride,
The roller coaster of the life inside,
I try to tame them as I would a bird.
When I look back I see a frightened child,
Who could not find her place within her mind,
Or with the people in the rank and file;
She's grown to be someone in truth self-styled,
With great intentions for the life she'll find,
But one to watch when she does become riled.
#poetry #sonnet #honesty
[An Italian sonnet in iambic pentameter. I find they are so expressive. Thoughts? Comments?]
okay.
i've never liked you too much, you know.
you aren't like other people your age.
it's hard to watch you try to interact.
you get attached too easily
and get too sad when it doesn't work out.
you're not social enough
and you try to avoid social interaction entirely.
you aren't who your parents wanted you to grow up to be
and you have no intention of changing.
and that's okay
you're anxious
you're too wordy
you're too cautious
you're self-destructive
you can't defend yourself
truth be told,
you already know all of this.
and that's okay.
you don't care what i think.
but i am you
and you are me.
so is this individuality
or is it apathy?
no matter.
you don't know
and you don't care.
and that's okay.
Honesty ruins everything
Listen to me!!
Listen to me, goddamit!
You can't turn away from this
Or run
Or hide
Or mutate
This isn't some Hollywood remake
Of an awful love song
Based off the life rights
From an urban legend
You're a big girl now
You can handle the truth
What doesn't kill you
Makes you stronger
(And other Instagram drivel)
Square your shoulders
Look straight ahead
Take a deep breath
And. Listen. To. Me.
With all your heart and soul
Let it sink into the
Deepest depths of your bowels
And settle
Somewhere at the nadir
Of your soul
And madness
Okay, are you ready?
Really, really, ready??
Here goes --
(deep breath)
YOU ARE 5'6 AND 3/4 INCHES TALL
YOU ARE NOT 5'9
YOU ARE NOT EVEN 5'8
WEARING HEELS IS NOT FOOLING ANYONE
@Dream #Challenge Be #Honest with #Yourself
it’s okay.
Who do you thinking you’re kidding?
True, them.
But you’re not kidding yourself. You’re not kidding me.
You don’t want to be around others, that isn’t news. You haven’t wanted to for a while. Don’t act and play the part of a social butterfly because you feel you have to. If you don’t want to, then don’t. No one will blame you for staying in your shell, the ones you care about have already come to learn that is how you prefer life.
Don’t worry about trying to impress others or pretend to be someone you’re not. If you’re happy, then stay there. That’s really how easy it is.
Settle
I am not who I want to be, not even close.
I am not even who I think I am.
I am less kind, more selfish, and not quite as handsome.
That is okay, I am also willing to settle.
If I'm being honest, (and I'm not always) I can stand the man in the mirror, though I am afraid of who he may become if he keeps settling.
Well, the truth is…
I could write this about many things, but if I'm honest with myself there is one thing this has to be about.
I'm in love with my best friend.
I could tell you a moment, when I knew or at least knew for sure. Looking into his eyes that one time or seeing him smile. There's more to it so much more than I could ever say to anybody, things I'm afraid to say to the people that know me well.
Sometimes I'm afraid nothing will ever happen to me, romantically speaking, sometimes I think I'm holding on too tight, but then everything about us fits together so seamlessly I can't imagine myself with anybody else.
I'm scared to imagine my future without him, as friends or otherwise. Sometimes I wonder what he's thinking, or if there's things he never tells me. Sometimes I think I see more in his eyes, but then I think I'm just fooling myself because that's what I want to see.
I know he's not where I am as far as wanting a relationship. He wants to travel and work and explore; I have no problem with that that's one of the things I love about him, that he wants to do all these things, I would never stop him from doing them.
We talked about it but things just get weird and awkward. I learned a long time ago I can't force things. I just want things to flow naturally between us and be comfortable.
But then, I really want to kiss him!
It's out of sheer curiosity, as is the case with many of my romantic musings. I wish I could explain this to him without things being weird. Then I'm trying to understand this on top of all my other anxieties…
That never goes over well.
#behonest