Silent chains
Bound to chains that do not make slightest sound,
In love with you,
I was bound,
A slave to your will; your lust,
I was helpless on the ground,Screaming without a sound.
Trapped by empty words,
Promises unfulfilled,
Silent chains like caged birds,
Vulnerable and weak,
Your promises were passwords,
Opening my heart again.
Tricked by innocent beauty of heavenly eyes,
To the devil I held out my heart,
Crushed by his hand; mended with lies,
Over and over again,
I never saw past his disguise,
The monster inside.
Until one day his mask fell,
I glimpsed the beast inside,
Piece by piece I unravelled his spell,
Silvered wings spread,
I rose to freedom outside my cell,Silent chains broken away.
Bat Shit Crazy
Because I’m bat shit crazy! I told the police when they asked me why they were to take me to the hospital. I raced around the room stuffing whatever I could into a small book bag. My meds, a book, a journal, and some pens, all the while crying. What had happened to bring this on? Well first I’ll tell you that I deal with a few mood disorders and was just getting over being really sick. When a cold takes me down I have a really hard time remembering to take my meds, and with that combo it doesn’t take much to trigger me. My sister managed to trip all over my triggers that day and we fought. I ended up feeling useless and hopeless and like nothing I do was ever going to be good enough; I threatened to end it all. Now prior to this I was in the hospital the day before, for facial cellulitis. Which was an infection on the inside of my cheek, yea that was fun. They gave me antibiotics for that, and sent me home. I told you that because, here they call you the next day to see how you are doing and see if you were satisfied with care you received. Well I forgot that they did this, and they called me right when I was a sobbing mess on the floor of my room in front of my locked door. The guy on the other end asked me if I was okay, and knowing fully well he could clearly hear that I wasn’t; I knew there was no point in lying. So I told him no. He asked me a series of questions, which led to would you please come down here. Then it clicked, my sister had called the hospital on me, she turned me in. New rage bubbled up and I told him that I didn’t drive and I wasn’t going to let my sister drive me. So he sent to police for me. After watching me race around the room, claiming my crazy, and examining my bag; they escorted me out of the house while i hollered at my sister, “Are you happy I’m out of your hair, you got what you wanted!” She swore up and down she never called me in. We got outside and the police placed the handcuffs on my wrists and let me get into the back seat of the vehicle. They took me to the town's hospital where I was then placed in the holding room. Which let me tell you is enough to drive anyone crazy. It is the smallest room in the hospital, no bigger than a closet, and it’s made of cement stamped in a brick pattern and they painted it the worst color in the world, a dingy yellow. The floor was no better, it was tiled like the rest of the hospital but it had brown and cream specks through it, which I never noticed till my two day stay in that awful room. I did find out that my sister had not turned me in, but that I by accident had turned myself in, go figure anyways. I had written down when I was supposed to have what meds and they messed it all up completely. So I was taking my meds but not when I was supposed to and never at the same time. Then finally there was a bed open at one of the mental hospitals, but guess what it was 3 hours away so I got transported. I stayed there for a week, had a roommate who was there because she was suicidal brought on by an ex boyfriend. She was afraid of being alone, and amazingly enough the book I had brought with me wasn’t for me it was for her. It was called “The Art of Being Alone”. Then one of my most worst problems were solved. The racing thoughts were stopped. My mind was quiet. I finally had peace, and all because of a new medication that they put me on. Well it’s not a new medication it’s actually an old one, but new to me. So not only had I helped her with her fear of being alone a little, through a book that i was reading. But I got help with one of the worst things that was going on with me. This most recent trip to the hospital is the most rememberable, as well as the most helpful. Prior to me going to the hospital my mother had prayed, for the monsters to be quieted for me, and for me to become closer to God. Through this one experience both were achieved. I can no longer argue God’s existence he exists.
Gold Guilded Cage
Raised in captivity ,
this bird stripped of wings.
I alone must pay the penalty.
In this cage there are no tunes to sing.
For what joy can captivity bring ?
Looking to the blue horizon, wishing , yearning to take flight.
These bars they hold me out of mind , out of sight.
My home is bare a naked form, with only my feathers to keep me warm.
So lock me up and cast me aside.
In this guilded prison, I have died inside.