Silence is the most deafening sound on planet. When the world fails to produce distractions, your mind implodes. Thoughts, voices, ideas pound the inside of your skull. Your brain floods with truth, uninterrupted from the exterior forces that usually dictate your life. You come face to face with your demons, your flaws, your issues, your dreams. No filter seperated you, from your everything. You learn who you really are in the brief moments when the universe emits no sound. The universe gives you an oppurtunity to explore your deepest thoughts, your strongest emotions. It gives you a chance to comprehend the reasons why you are who you are.

Silence can be a savour. It can be the spark guiding you through the pitch path of life. It can be the inhale that pushes your next exhale out.

But,

Sometimes silence is lethal. Sometimes being alone surrounded by nothing but your subconcious is horrifying. Because, You cannot cope with the truth behind your actions. You cannot deal with the person you have become. You beg for soundwaves to penetrate your ears. To enter your brain to cover the honesty. You pray for a wall to be built inside your head so you can be seperated from the true you. Silence is so much more than nothingness. It is so much more than a volume. Silence is gateway to discovering everything.

“Get a load of those clunkers,” Shaun laughed as he nudged James in the side with his elbow and signaled in his usual manner to the new office temp who was walking nervously through the door.

“Which agency dug her up? Sterling Cooper?” Shaun continued more dramatically. The two continued lounging by the copy machine and watching her as if they were two buzzards scouting out the fresh roadkill.

She had a lopsided, nervous smile plastered on her face as she walked unsteadily through the office. She was carrying a cardboard box in both of her hands and periodically it would catch on the skirt of her dress, which was catching everyone’s attention.

“Did she raid grandma’s closet?” Shaun said laughing as he pointed in a sneaky fashion to her red vintage wiggle dress that she was wearing to her sixties hairdo. James wondered if she slept with giant coke sized rollers in her hair at night. He also wondered how a person could get used to such a thing.

“I hate it when Kelly goes on vacation,” Shaun sighed. James tried to shrug off Shaun’s abusive commentary. He wanted to conjure up his own judgements on the poor woman with no knowledge of the thoughts of the vicious people around here.

James hated how everyone in the office was so superficial about looks, Shaun especially. The only reason he sided with him on most things was for his own survival. If he didn’t smile politely whenever Shaun or most other coworker began to blabber he knew he would be cast out. James wasn’t terribly attractive himself. He was tall and lanky, and had absolutely unmanageable dark shaggy hair and he wore big square Elvis Costello style glasses and brown suits with clashing ties. If he had to spectate a little torture in order to save himself, he was more than willing. He knew he should be used to this. They did it all the time, Shaun making lewd comments. And James, the dainty sidekick with an oblong smirk. This time he couldn’t help but feel a little defensive for this poor girl. She didn’t have the assets the others did.

“I think we’ve hit rock bottom, buddy,” Shaun chuckled. James gave him a sideways glance, then looked over at the girl as she tried her best to hold up the box while maneuvering throughout the cubicle jungle like a rat in a maze.

“Shut up, Shaun,” James finally said and walked away, leaving Shaun frozen with a stunned look. James ran over to the girl and lifted the box from her arms. She gave out a sigh of relief and looked up at him with big blue eyes behind her pearly cat eye glasses. He had to stop for a moment and adjust his glasses up the bridge of his nose to really get a good look.

She smiled sweetly, “Why, that was so nice of you! I could have sworn my arms were going to give out any minute there. You’d swear I was carrying around bricks!”

James had a hard time responding to her, he was taking her all in at once, and he found it very distracting. She had a cute smile, teeth that only could come out of many awkward years of braces. Her hourglass figure was something out of a Sear’s catalogue from 1964, and it made him think about what kind of undergarments she wore that made her tits that pointy and exciting.

Indignant didn’t even begin to describe it for Shaun. As he watched James engage the new temp, he stared on wondering if he had finally flipped his gourd. Fully a year ago Shaun had made the strategic decision to allow him to participate in the mocking. Granted, there weren’t a lot of other options.

This was the land of data entry, and the slick sheen of society’s cream did not last long here among the drudgery and cubicle half-walls. Shaun was different of course. He could do anything. But this was easy, paid well enough to allow his weekend excursions, and there was little risk of failure. He loathed it deep down, and himself for staying, but still he’d likely be here for years. The only thing that made the existence tolerable was the target rich environment for sarcasm. But you need someone to say the cutting remarks to. A whispered dig is no good unless there’s someone to hear it.

Abandoned and stinging, Shaun eyed James showing the temp through the maze and leaned to his right, “Psst, hey Murphy.”

“Could you tell me where I can find Karen?” The new girl asked James.

“Follow me,” James said, “Are you Kelly’s temp?”

The girl looked at James a little funny. “Kelly’s temp? No, I’m Kelly’s replacement. She’s on maternity leave or something. Oh, oops, I don’t think I was supposed to say anything. You won’t say anything will you?”

James swallowed the information, laughing silently to himself over the fact that Shaun just lost his fuck buddy, and then quickly focused his attention back to the new girl.

“Oh, uh, yeah, sure.” he mumbled.

“Oh, look how rude I’m being,” she continued, “My name is Iris. And you are?” She extended a hand, and then realized his hands were full with the box and slowly pulled them back. She had long, yet strong looking fingers that were adorned with various rings. James imagined what those hands would feel like massaging his back.

“And you are?” She continued, snapping him out of his fantasy.

“Right, yeah. I’m James, sorry. James,” he stuttered.

“Pleased to meet you,” she grinned, “I’m not always this annoying and formal, its just, I’m nervous with it being my first day and all.”

“Iris. Hmm,” James said awkwardly as if he were thinking aloud.

“What was that?” Iris asked.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just trying to remember your name, that’s all,” he fibbed, “Here we are, this is Karen’s office.” He pointed over to a receptionist’s desk.

“That’s Kelly’s old desk, do you want me to put your stuff there?” He asked.

“Would you? You’re so sweet,” she said, pouring out another warm smile, “I should go see Karen now, but I’d really like to continue chatting with you. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Yes. Oh yes!” James said, unable to control his enthusiasm. He quickly tensed up, adjusted his tie, and cleared his voice to cover himself.

“I mean, of course,” he said, trying to put on his best business like tone, “I’m over in accounting.” He hoped that this sliver of information would lead her to “bump” into him sometime soon, despite the fact that accounting was on the opposite side of the building and probably out of her way. Then again, he was the one interested in bumping into Iris.

“Okay,” she said, “Nice to meet you James.” She waved and disappeared into Karen’s office.

He stood there for a moment, letting the sweet way she said his name echo in his head.

James casually walked back to the copy machine, this time with a swagger filled with delight. He liked Iris from what he had just seen. She was different, and she seemed incredibly nice and he was pleasantly surprised by his instant attraction.

He knew he would pay for being nice to her, though. Everyone in the office was so hooked on appearances and conformity that they lacked the necessary foundations of courtesy. Even all the women looked alike, a whole room of clones in the same Anne Taylor suit, flipping their hair extensions. He sometimes wondered what they looked like underneath all the warpaint. There was something about Iris that James could neither identify nor shake, but she was definitely not like the others.

Back at the copy machine, Shaun was steadily laughing and huffing over something that was apparently funny with another colleague. They both turned and sneered at James.

“How was Doris Day there, buddy?” Shaun said with a smug look.

“Good one, Shaun,” the man behind him said, as they gave each other high fives.

James sighed. Workplace Darwinism had played out, and it wasn’t in his favor.

An eclipsing purpose

Ignites resolve to fervor

Casting shadow tendrils

Trembling along the walls

Privy to secrets seeking

Abhorrent and admirable words

Alike, their surface shimmers

Synonymous to keener eyes

Now extends my ivory irises

Embracing the black pupil

All consuming, their vortexes

Digesting all for but a sentence

Just as no love persists long

Without sacrifice at its hand

So no craft will embody

Persistence without quarrels

I cradle this blaze knowingly

Disintegrating doubt's burdens

With eyes embroidered by violet

The sheets turn barren and cold

Black and white wings alike

Encircle this silhouette

Diffusing long after dusk

In the mud, tumult and havoc

Are budding allies of misery

For only in their presence

Can endurance unearth discovery

And die, though this might

To tomorrow's coming light

If only for this night

I am briefly ... alive

Turning plague and blight

Into secrets now sifting

Sincerity to keener eyes

Can you walk on water

Can you turn my blood to wine

Please do not forsake me 

My precious serpentine

Your breadcrumbs at my feet

A final feast to satisfy

I've nailed you to my future

Your grave is where I'll die

You were my butterfly & I was your protector

I was your antidote, but you were my infector

We're struggling to breathe because our lungs are filled with blood

Your mind begins to seethe & now I'm tangled in your love

I tried to cut the ties & you tried to set me free

You gained another lover, but I lost a part of me

We're choking on the insects that infested truth with lies

You're revealing all your defects & I'm awaiting our demise

You consumed me with your sadness & seduced me with your madness

But you are not deserving & this I'm finally learning

I told you what I wanted

We sealed it with a kiss

You knew that I was bitter

Made of vinegar & piss

I pulled apart my own chest

Watched you crawl inside

Your fingers curled around my heart

Assumed my blood was purified

But then you shoot me up

Filled my veins with your disease

But then you shoot me down

Broken ribs & bloody knees

I tasted lies upon your lips

Swallowed every single drop

You're a venomous enigma

A cyanide-dipped lollipop 

I endured your provocations

An opiated pseudo home

Your love facade began to fade

Colors drained to monochrome

And then you shoot me up

Spreading through me like a cancer

And then you shoot me down

My relentless necromancer 

Cracking skulls & breaking hearts

Feel the fear inside your parts

Drying throats & sweating palms

On your knees to sing the psalms

Disturb the peace & get me off

I'll eat the pleasure from your trough

Slaughtering me quick & clean

This crown of mud; your pigpen Queen

You fucked me up & let me down

Baptized your lies then let me drown

I should have known we were too good

Misread the signs from where I stood

Two years of pulling out your thorns

A bloody beast with golden horns

I've spent a lifetime on my knees

Becoming one with your disease

Your former lover set me free

They cleared a path through our debris

Past indiscretions came to light

You were never my white knight

I really hope that you had fun

When placing bullets in your gun

Your homicide a work of art

A single shot to break my heart

My head is stone

My heart is bleeding

My thoughts are cold

My time receding

My words are glass

My tongue is sharp

My lips are ash

My voice is shot

My blood is weak

My spine is curved

My vision bleak

My stone unturned

My flesh is scarred

My hands are black

My soul is charred

My bones are cracked

My past consumes

My present waits

My future looms

My death creates

This body fades

This human stalls

This mind in pain

This woman falls

This woman falls

This is the calm

This is the peace

This is reality for the deceased

Open your eyes

This world is serene

Your mind is at ease & your body is clean

No one to push you

Someone to love

Nothing below

Nothing above

This is the calm

This is the dream

This is your future & all in between

This is the calm

This is the storm

Winter is coming, but I'll keep you warm