Everyday is a fine day for a walk is it not, and today I fancy a trip out to view our gardens, and to enjoy a hot drink on my rounds.

Alas, Roger our groundsman is not enjoying the best of days as driving rain, chased along by violent gusts deter his plans for spring planting. His prize Tulips, coming along so nicely yesterday are today battling to remain upright under the constant bombardment. The sky is boiling, with grey black clouds in furious contempt for his efforts, unload their cargo with relentless fury, and I think twice about pleasantries with a man in such dire need of sunshine.

I duly leave Roger as he battles bravely on despite the driving wind.

I head to the kitchen for a cup of tea only to witness further despair as our Chocolatier struggles to obtain the grade of Chocolate needed for his Easter Eggs. I remain silent here also, as with only days to go before Easter he is clearly not having a good day either, and I am known for eating his produce from his unlocked fridge, during my night patrols.

Still I make my tea and make good my escape onto the lawned frontage. The Summer House also struggles, being little more than a fancy tent, as the gales laugh at its flimsy construction and threaten to have it away with each forceful blast. I fear my walk is being thwarted at each turn, so head back to the calmness of my room to drink my tea in peace.

Perhaps on Prose it is a finer day, so I settle down in my creaking chair, and write.

Today was just a normal day. I woke him up with a sweet soft kiss upon his forehead. I whisper in his ear, "it's time to get up baby." He looks over at me with a smile on his face. "I hate getting up, but I love waking up to your beautiful face everyday." I begin to feel my face getting red. He's always so good at making me blush. It makes me wonder if he says certain things just to make me blush.

He gets up and starts getting ready for work. I've already made his coffee and packed his lunch. He comes up behind me and kisses my neck. Turns me around and gives me a deep dark passionate kiss upon my lips. My knees begin to buckle and I quickly stop the kiss before it leads to anything else. I kiss him once more and tell him, "now get to work handsome." He moans,"Ohhh do I have to?!" Winks at me and whispers in my ear, "just wait until I get home." I giggle and he laughs too.

I stand at the front door and watch him get into his big old ford truck. I wave frantically at him and he waves back.

I close the door and am ready for the day to take me away until he comes back home. I begin doing laundry,dishes, and cleaning the kitchen. The house phone rings and I decide not to answer it, since I have cleaner all over my hands. The phone rings again. I thought, well this person is persistent. I wipe my hands off on a dish cloth and walk towards the phone.

I answer, "hello."

A woman's voice is on the other end. "Hello, may I please speak to Virginia Blooch."

"This is her speaking."

"Ma'am I have some bad news for you."

My heart instantly sinks.

I try to talk, but words aren't coming out. I finally mutter out,"yes?"

"Ma'am today your husband was working in the coal mines and there was a bad explosion and the mines caved in. All of the men working lost their lives. I am sorry."

My eyes are full of tears and I don't say anything to the lady, I just hang up the phone.

I instantly fall to the floor. I can't breath, I can't move. I am in denial. No, James will be walking in the door around 6 tonight. I sat by the door for hours waiting and waiting. He never came. I stopped waiting for him around 11pm. I made my way to bed. I couldn't sleep though. My pillow was soaked with tears. My thoughts were scattered throughout the night.

I rethink about the days before today. I just found out that I was pregnant. I was waiting until the weekend to tell him the good news. All of a sudden, thinking about this seems like such bad news. I can't raise a child without James. I can't go on without James. How will I survive without him? Financially,mentally,emotionally,physically. I begin crying again.

Around 4am I made my final decision. Which was to kill myself. I never thought about killing myself before. I grew up in a church and know that it is morally wrong to do so. That I'll spend eternity in hell, but this life now is pure hell.

I find a thick rope and a chair. My heart is pounding frantically because I know my mind is made up and I'm not turning back. What do I have to turn back to? I quickly tie the rope around the sturdy pipe running along the ceiling. I begin to wrap the rope around my neck. Without even thinking, I kick the chair out from underneath me.

Sharp pain around my neck.

Gasping for breath.

Moving my body around, but no relief.

Everything's turning black.

I'm gone,gone,gone.

I didn't get home until 7am. I was so thankful that I was late to work yesterday. When I arrived to work it was so much chaos. I dug through the ground trying to find bodies. Bodies of my family, my friends, my fellow workers. Their family deserved that. I know Virginia would want to have my body if anything bad ever happened to me. I keep thanking God that I'm alive and that I'll be able to go home to my amazing wife.

I dug and dug until I physically couldn't anymore. I decide to retire for the day and head back home. I need a hug from Virginia. I need her to tell me everything will be okay.

I drive up the driveway and feel a sigh of relief. I am finally home. I don't even grab my lunch box. I just run inside. "Virginia, where are you?" I walk into our bedroom to see her limp body hanging from the ceiling pipe. I am in disbelief. I let out a loud scream, "why???!!!" I pull her down and hold her cold lifeless body in my arms.

In life I have often wondered,

What would it be like for me

If i've chosen the bumpy and rocky road

Would I be satisfied and content?

If I tried to be the captain of my ship

Instead of being a voyager

Will it make a difference?

Would I be happy where the tides take me?

If i have let the wind take me

Instead of having someone control the sails

Will i find peace with every decision i make?

I have ridden the ship

And let the captain take its course

I let them control the sails

And let their wind take its course

I know where the journey would take me

And I'm not happy

Nor am i sad

All my life i have chosen the safe road

The flowery path

The suns and rainbows

I am neither content nor satisfied

Does this make me weak?

Does my situation seem bleak?

If i ever did change

What difference would it make?

Because reality is

In this life survival is the key

I have a job

A house

I can live

I can survive

I know I have everything,

But why do i feel like i have nothing?

I wait for you

I watch for you

I see you

I don't dare to speak

I'm too afraid to meet

You

A little to shy to say hi

Even from afar

I wait

I watch

It takes more and more time as the days go by

You don't come

So I wait again

Again

Again

Again for you

I should've gotten you while I had you

I recently hired a kid from Montana.

zak ortiz lower case intended.....

At first he acted grateful for the work. After a while he seemed to be doing fine. I was paying him very well about 1k a week.

It seemed as soon as his pay was received. Things would get more and more flaky each pay check. Things like showing up on Monday

Thinking it would be fine if he just left at noon well not for 1k a week! It seemed after a while "and thank you" was at the end of everything he said even when I was arguing with him?

Missing days constantly.soon sending me texts about "money he was owed" He had decided he should be making 2k a week "in his mind"ironically

That being how much I the owner was making?

After offering Crack to one of my good friends that was helping me out with extra work something along these lines of "I was drinking and smoking Crack all weekend I feel like smoking some right now" as he looks over to my friend with glossy eyes.....

By the way that being the same job I just had to credit the customer 3500.00 because of faulty work done by zak.

Now having repaired nearly every job he worked on because of half ass work done by zak or maybe I should call him

Crack,slack,...or jack I will call

Jack and this is why!@$#/.

After finally riding myself of him

He goes to my accountant and tells her any number of things he can conjure up about me doing illegal transactions work exc, Poor mistreated zak.

apparently I had not paid him for some weeks? what he was doing was nothing shy of extortion.apparently in this day and age you can pretty much say whatever you want to labor and industries and they will believe you and attack your employer with no regard with intention of doing nothing thing less than as much damage as possible regardless of if you are a legitimate employer.I still remember the greasy smile on his face as I handed him a check you didn't deserve and looking at me saying wasn't that easy to just pay me like he actually deserve the money.

but wait there's more!

come to find out a month later he was double cashing checks in my bag was accepting them to the tune of thousands of dollars.

finding out another month later he was siphoning my business account to the tune of maybe around 5k.that must have been "the money he was

Owed".

one would think this is some kind of isolated story its not pretty common in one fashion or another.kids these days pretty much think everyone should hand them shit to them then fuck everyone I'm going to get mine attitude. Sound just likes of rap songs I've heard in the past.just remember when you sit there thinking your boss is a piece of shit and he never pays you enough or gives you what you deserve. imagine the shit he goes through just to get your ass up a pay check.you know what after being in business for 4 year. All I really got is 60,000 dollars in debt.

Closing statement

to all you silver spoon jammed up your ass sideways sitting behind your mommies computer 21 year old living in your parents house sucking the tit of entitlement. having all your friends like your shit even though you couldn't write your way out of a wet paper bag.with your pre adolescent gibberish.Spending all your free time thinking everyone needs to give you something that you never earned and you will never deserve.Do the world a favor and go take a long walk off of a short dock....

Ps.I'll tell you how I really feel some other time.

I don't think any of you here on Prose. actually know me. I am pretty kept to myself at times but that doesn't mean I don't want to know all of yo, I do. I hope you find this to be something worth reading. This is a little bit about me..enjoy.

I love coffee, tea, and lemonade.

I love psychology books more than I do any other kind because I am intrigued by it all. Human behavior is a huge part of my studies as well.

I am a fan of Criminal Minds, Ghost Whisperer, and the movie Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

I write a lot of tragic things because I love horror and romance mixed in together.

My fears: heights, showing weakness, and public speaking.

I'm introverted to the core.

I spend most of my time with my pets. (two turtles, three dogs (one recently passed away), two cats)

I love traveling and simply being outside in the sun or at night with the company of the moon. I crave natures presence and I need it as well. I think everyone does. I wish more people would spend time outside instead of glued to their digital screens.

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend Caleb. It's been the longest relationship I've ever had. I'm glad I have him in my life.

I love rings and the color black, grey, and brown. (Anything neutral really)

Not a huge shopper though I do collect art and CD's.

I like sunsets. The way they are always different each time. It's like a show in the sky.

I love creatures of every kind. If they are dangerous I'll admire from a far. If not you bet I'll be up close and praising their existance. It amazes me how many insects and animals are so uniquely made for them to survive in their own way.

I was born in a small city of western Russia, but I'm American raised. I love foreign foods but I do not eat meat/fish.

I also live off of pizza and egg rolls.ha

I make my own jewelry and paint in my free time.

I love riding my bike, camping, skateboarding, hiking, and canoeing.

If you know me then you'd know I may be sweet but my view of humanity differs from my view of nature.

I am constantly battling myself.

A good vs. evil type thing within me.

I have a need to learn, but I struggle to remember a lot of what i do.

I play stragegy games to train my brain.

I also love Prose. I have been busy lately with family but I always find my free time being spent here. I hope you enjoyed this little getting to know me. I hope to read more about you lovely writers. Thank you!

expression was never meant to be burdened by the anxieties of offending, and interpretations must be understood as just that - you will never be able to climb inside my mind and no matter how I try to build a ladder we both know that you could never imagine the madness residing behind these eyes

don't pretend you know what I meant when I said what I said I didn't intend to offend I just want to extend a hand to invite you into this descent so I don't have to do it alone.