one-night-standing:
there was an elephant on your ceiling. yes —
i see it now. i see its patchworked skin
as i lie silent here
in a twin-sized bed beside you,
your elbow fit into the crease of mine.
i wandered in the daybreak haze
of after-wine, of after-love,
and smoke-filled eyes,
and the infantile sound of your clock on the wall.
the room takes shape in a blur
(a soundless gasp for breath): elephant
takes form above clock
takes form over desk
takes form near waste-bin
takes form on gunmetal carpet
takes form beneath chair
takes form under down-jacket
takes form as
the shape of your shoulders pressed into the fabric,
heavy white and grey and black.
and bed-frame —
taking form under mattress
taking form under me and you, you and me,
half-sleeping strangers in a half-shared bed.
each piece of this depthless setting
slips into place
beside count-filled siblings,
so i count and you breathe and we lie.
it is morning now,
and i haven't slept in your bed.
is this why we call it standing? waiting?
although your elbow fits perfectly in the crease of mine,
you are no-one i could ever love,
and no-one i could ever love
could ever live in a room like this.
(i don't love it.
so my feet dig themselves out of this shallow grave
and in one piece,
this body you will never own
finds its way out of this room i can't sleep in.)
We Swung So High We Touched The Sky and Didn’t Cum Down ’til Morning.
You don't ask my name because names don't matter in a juke-joint where smoke's thicker than sense. Beer drips off the tap in heady froth that begs to be suckled. You lick your lips and I lick mine and I know we're going to get along just fine.
You don't ask my age. In here everyone is any age you want. In the corner booth where shadows darken your eyes into those of a hungry carnivore, I'm fresh prey, naive and sweet. But on the dance floor, in the liquid lights of red and orange and pink, while the juke-pop whines, I'm wise to the world, and my body promises delights yours begs to taste.
We drink cheap tequila. I lick salt from your hand, tasting your skin, and I'm left wanting. You rub lime on my lips, reducing me to a shivering creature whose mouth needs yours. The warmth in my belly is no longer from the alcohol alone. Your hands pull my hips to yours. Who is who in this tangled mass of limbs? Does it matter? Do we care? We are drunk on a stronger stuff than this bar sells.
Tumbling into the alley, I press you against the wall, taking from your body every ounce of comfort and lust and desire I can. Sparks spring between our hips, send fire down our legs so our knees shake, and we cling to keep from falling. Fingers tangle in each other's hair, and I cannot have enough of you, nor you of me.
Your apartment is here, you say. Just a bit farther. The air never smelled so sweet as with your scent, made sharper by the night air, on my shirt. Trust is already forgotten or forged--same difference--and I come with you.
Bourbon, you ask. Whiskey, I say. Both, we laugh. Our skin is electric. The floorboards tip and sway. You hold the bottles. I hold your belt loops. The bed is a life-boat into which we tumble. Our safety from life's storms will be found in one another, we promise.
The water is not safe. Drink, we cry together. The storm swells higher, and we cling tighter than two lovers ever clung. There is no food left. Drink, we say. We shall survive it all.
The bottles empty. With our own juices, we write love letters on the sheets. Once written, we put our letters in bottles and toss them out to sea. Broken glass smashes, christening the walls.
We are lost, you cry.
No, I say, we are found.
Rations gone, we fall on one another. Our hunger is bigger than either of us. We cannibalize one another--tongues lick, mouths taste, eat, eat, eat...until la petite morts cums, drags us drowning to the bottom of the sea...
...morning light blinds my salt-gritted eyes. My dry lips crack when I try to speak, to say, I am lost. Lost-lost. Truly this time.
You were not you. And I was not me.
My head pounds. I cannot bear for you to see my nakedness. You twine in a stained sheet, tight as a shroud. My belongings are scattered on the floor, studded with broken glass.
I start to say something awkward and awful, but you shake your head.
I turn and go.
s o m e d a y
the happiest day of my life
has not been lived yet
but i can see it.
one day
i'll wake up
and i'll be glad
because i survived the night
i'll lie next to him for hours
enjoying our sleepy saturday
and company of one another
i'll no longer feel
an aching pain
when i smile
because i would have done it
millions of times
one day
the sadness
will leave my body
the happiness
will appear again
the thoughts
won't unexpectedly pounce
the storm
will finally pass
and that will be
the best day of my life