Part I

My hate of reading books has always haunted me. Through the years of failing grades at school and continuous appointments to my therapist’s office, I concluded that using my ears and my brain did not have to be accompanied by the usage of my eyes. That being said, my current journey of faith has been a tough one. From what I’ve gathered, I must read the #1 most read book in the world, The Bible.

I have been sitting in this chair for nearly an hour and I cannot, for the life of me, tell you what I have read. Darkness has fallen over the beautiful Southern California skies and the heat has settled down for the next 12 hours or so. At 6:55 a.m. the sun will rise and I will probably still be sitting here. There’s a little breeze of air that comes through the wooden door of my living room. As it brushes over my cheek, it makes its’ way near my ear. I can hear the traveling noises that come from the crowded streets of hopeless drug addicts and homeless people surrounding my neighborhood. My street is nice; though underdeveloped, it is quiet. There are hardly cars that race down it and I believe last month we barely even had two high speed chases. Yes, the husband and I have won the “lottery” when it comes to purchasing our first home. Did you catch my sarcasm? It’s not all bad. Nearly a quarter of an acre of yard for the ‘kiddos’ to play in when they grow up and for our three dogs to run freely in. The house itself is small but I have made it a point that I want a “livable” home that might need a few touches. So far, it has been great, except for the front wooden door. The door that leads straight into the living room from the front yard is made of 100% pine, however, the doorknob is made out of cedar. Apparently, this is a very expensive door. It has been the thorn of my side since we moved in and yet, I can not get rid of it. Thanks to the heaviness of this door, it has caved downwards, leaving a very small opening at the top, hence the breeze that has distracted me from reading this BOOK!

Great, the baby monitor is acting up again. Tell me again why I decided to take the cheap route and purchase an “Audio-Only Baby is crying, GET UP” monitor? I could never tell if she’s truly in need or is simply making her way around the luxurious 5ft x 7ft x 3ft “apartment” she lays in. The beautiful, innocent creature I birthed earlier this year delightfully sleeps in the hand-me-down crib my first born used. Baby Girl, is sleeping peacefully, what could have made that sound? It’s only me and her tonight, and… what is that pounding in the living room! As I’m rushing to the living room, it stops. There’s nothing. Or isn’t there? The front door looks odd. There’s something about it that seems a bit more intriguing than usual. There’s a wave of energy of some sort hovering its’ surroundings. And the space that lets the breeze in is glowing yellow. What is it? It’s nearly 8 p.m.; there is no sun out.

I reached for the doorknob and I am transported to a strange land. Why is it so dry here? Wait a minute, where am I? I can’t leave my house! Baby Girl could wake up at any second! Wait, I still have the baby monitor, I hear her breathing. OK, good. Well, wherever I am at, it’s definitely not SoCal anymore.

I have been walking for about 10 minutes now but I can hear that Baby Girl is still sound asleep, which is good; she has no idea that mommy has left her side. There’s a young girl who seems to be pacing back-and-fourth. Perhaps she can tell me where the heck I am! “Excuse me Miss, can you tell me where I am?” She looks very conflicted. “You are in Moab.” she confusedly replies. ‘Moab’? Did she just say Moab? Like the Bible, Moab?! Wait, why is she so conflicted? Maybe if I ask her for her name I can get a better idea of what’s going on. “Miss, what is your name?” “Ruth” she replies. Ruth? Where have I heard that name. And why do I suddenly feel a wave of anxiety. Oh… em… G... Perhaps I shouldn’t finish that sentence. OK, I am in Moab and this girls’ name is ‘Ruth’. I traveled back in time?

Ruth seems to be very worried about something. I can’t put my finger on it but she seems very lost. Let me try to get my “mommy mode” going and see if she takes the bait. “Ruth, is something wrong?”. She responds, “Everything is just wrong! My husband has fallen. His father and his brother, fallen. I am alone. I can’t go back to my parents. I won’t go to my parents. I want my husband back!”. She begins to weep on the dusty floor. I must say though; her outfit is crazy-beautiful. Focus, Betty! Focus! Does she not know that she makes it through this? Does she not know that she is the one who continues the family line that eventually leads to the birth of Jesus! THE. JESUS. CHRIST!? Oh… it hasn’t happened yet. I’ve seen so many going-into-the-past movies to know that I am in one. Ok, I need to help her make the decision. “Ruth, you must follow your heart. I know that times are rough, but you must go with your mother-in-law…. Ugh…. What’s her name again?” “Naomi?” she responds. “Yes! Naomi! You need to follow her wherever she goes. You are loyal to her and you will do great things and you will become known in history and you will re-marry and your gonna’ be great, trust me!” “Trust you? I know nothing of you or where you have come from! I know not of your past nor who you worship! And thus, if I know not of you, I shall not ‘trust’ you. Now I know that I must return to my parents. I know not of you, but you will not poison me with your evil. Let me be.”

Well, that was a complete fail. Oh no, Baby Girl is waking up! Where is that door!? There! In that weird rock-looking-thing. Why am I so sleepy? Focus! Hurry, get to the door. As I enter the door, I am transported back to my living room. Everything seems untouched or sandy. Was all that a dream? I am very sleepy. I need to check Baby Girl so I can finally rest. “Baby girl?” I can’t find her. Her crib is gone! Where are all her clothes?! Her bottles?! There’s no trace of a family even living here. The portrait of our family photo is also gone…

What happened?...

Part II

Journal entry #1

I hate myself...

I hate myself…

I have lost everyone I’d ever loved. Literally, “lost”. I seriously have no idea where they are at. I apparently don’t have a job, I don’t have a family and my dogs nearly ate me alive when I tried to go feed them. I have not received mail since the whole “going-back-in-time” situation. I no longer possess any hope. My two beautiful girls, my husband, my family… all lost. The only thing that isn’t lost is this house. These couches, these dishes, these dying plants, this stupid door that only seems to shine once every fucking million years because it has not shined since that night, and this baby monitor. I know I’m not crazy. I know they existed. This monitor reminds me that this will all be over. I hope…

End of Journal Entry.

History has slightly changed since the pine door was last lit up. My present and future has been re-written and not for the better. I have tried to maintain the faith but now I’m wondering “in what?”. “The Book of Ruth” no longer has its place in The Bible as it did before. The meaning has changed as well as the story altogether. Now, in this time-line, it’s a story about a young widow who was convinced by an evil entity to leave her grieving mother-in-law’s side and to travel alone after her husband, father-in-law and brother-in-law died. The mother-in-law then traveled the road to Judah alone and ended up getting raped and castrated by the perverted and sinful traveling companions. Crazy huh? Well, it doesn’t stop there.

In the original timeline, so said the Bible and before I fucked it up, Ruth shows complete devotion to her mother-in-law, Naomi, and stays by her side as they travel to Judah where Ruth eventually meets Boaz. Boaz recognizes her loyalty to her mother-in-law and invites her to dinner. They eventually marry and continue to procreate. The family line eventually leads to the birth of King David, thence, the birth of Jesus Christ. That sympathy and knowledge of devotion and loyalty that speaks directly to woman never made it through the blood line or the final edit of The Bible. Although the Bible still speaks of Christ and his greatness, this story never touched the woman of faith in Jesus Christ because it never happened! And because this story never happened, more and more stories in The Bible also did not make the cut. The Bible was re-written so many times, leaving out stories of woman triumphs and God’s blessings to them. I can’t tell you for sure if the stories never happened or if they just simply didn’t include them, but the Bible now, doesn’t speak to us ‘woman’ how it did before. This caused the world to be dim. No passion, no loyalty, no true love for one another, and fearfully, no faith in woman by the men.

Night is falling again; and again, my loved ones are lost. Lord, please hear me! Hear me weep! I am sorry! I shouldn’t have rushed Ruth to speak to me and I shouldn’t have meddled. I was just trying to get back to Baby Girl. Can’t you see that! I needed to speed up the process. I am sorry for not trusting that you would enter her heart and help guide her to make the decision to travel with Naomi. Please forgive me…

There’s no light. Nothing is happening... Nothing. Just emptiness.

Journal Entry #2

I’m going to do it journal. The pain. The emptiness. It’s too much. I miss my baby girl’s. I miss my husband. I’m going to end the suffering tonight. In approximately two minutes to be precise. This will all end. I can’t stand the pain. In less than two minutes the sun will rise and I will fall. 6:55 a.m. At least that hasn’t changed. I remember loving the sunrise. I remember watching the sunrise and sunset on top of moms and pops roof. Dad got so mad every time I did that. He would yell “te vas a matar!”. How funny that I think of that now. Since, sort-of-predicted one day I will kill myself watching the sunrise. In exactly 15 seco…

End of Journal Entry.

What’s that smell?

It’s coming from the living room.

I know that smell. It smells like… dirt.

The baby monitor is going crazy again but there’s no baby to monitor. The pine door! It’s lit! God, is this you? Is this the chance I have to see my baby girls again? Wait, what if I mess it up again? What more can I lose? I guess I’ll find out.

Just a little sunshine to end this rainy day,

And take all the pain and worry far away.

No one had found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,

Until someone let all their fear and negativity go.

All storms pass if you'll only give it time,

Right when it's heaviest, you're almost at your prime.

Yolks are soft until touched by heat, then they harden with strength that can't be beat.