i wrote a list of things i hate about myself

it filled a whole sheet of graph paper

then i tore it to shreds.

i twisted my shirt around my finger

almost ripped it

every time someone talked to me

’cause i couldn’t think of what to say back.

they tell me i have

a n x i e t y

i think i’m just a teenager

with too much time to kill

wishing my problems would disappear

like that piece of paper.

too bad

i n s e c u r e

can’t be written down

ripped up

and trashed.

not that easily.

- The dentist is worse than the doctor

- Cereal tastes better at night than in the morning

- Everyone shouldn’t have to agree on how to handle things like abortion, but everyone should respect other people’s decisions even if that is not the choice they themself would make

- Peanut butter chocolate pretzels are one of the best things that have ever been created

- Picture day is often not an accurate reflection of who students are and we should just do away with the whole process

- Ordering for yourself at a restaurant is extremely scary. It’s also something I should be able to do at 14 but yet here we are

- Showering at night is much better than showering in the morning

- The coronavirus vaccine is not an infringement of anyone’s rights

- Anything rose flavored is absolutely revolting (I’m willing for someone to prove me wrong, but as of right now, I have tasted nothing that would change my mind)

- Temperatures above 83 degrees, unless there is a body of water nearby to jump into, are highly unenjoyable

- People with different views or political opinions should be able to have a rational discussion without ending friendships or starting full blown arguments.

- Growing up is overrated

- The MLDA should be 18, not because I want to start drinking earlier but because if you can join the army, get married, and own property at 18-years-old, you should be able to drink...

- Surgery for people who are transgender should be cheaper. People shouldn’t have to pay a large amount of money for the basic happiness that is feeling comfortable in your own gender/skin that most of the world population is guaranteed

- Mochi is not all it’s cracked up to be

- You should be able to skydive anywhere at age 14 with parental consent...yes, that’s because I want to skydive, what about it?

- Running is actually very fun, contrary to popular opinion

- Milk chocolate is better than dark chocolate (99% of the time)

- Gluten-free bread shouldn’t be smaller than regular bread because we are not tiny people and I stay full for no longer than 20 minutes at a time so it’s just not enough...

- Global Warming should be a main priority on the ‘things our world needs to fix’ list (that list doesn’t exist but it should) because it’s like a long term project where you don’t realize how much you have to do so you procrastinate until the last minute, except instead of the consequences being an angry teacher, they are permanently f*cking up our planet

- People should be born with no sexuality and then whoever they decide to like/date/marry, that’s who they decide to like/date/marry. No strings attached, no labels, no more homophobia or anything else...

- Pasta is the best

- Grading people on their ability to act out a scene from Macbeth and memorize 95 lines and have to actually portray emotion in their words is cruel and unusual punishment (not specific at all...I wonder who is affected by this...hmm)

- Mint chocolate chip ice cream is the best flavor

- Water fountains seem like a good idea but the more you think about it the more you realize that you’re drinking water from a spout multiple someones have probably spit on and basically inhaling germs. #waterbottlefillingstationsforthewin #nomorewaterfountains2021

- Monopoly is fun regardless of how long it takes

- Getting blood drawn is a million times worse than getting a shot

- Going to space or deep sea diving are among the scariest things you could possibly do.

- The U.S. needs more gun control laws and background checks. Trying to stop school shootings and shootings in general is not infringing upon second amendment rights.

And I think that’s it! This was longer than expected and I’ll probably think of a bunch more as soon as I post this, but yeah. Thanks for reading :)

B A M

why’d the gun go off so

SOON?

my legs aren’t

READY

oh no the lactic acid is

GONE

pain in 3...2...1...

SPRINT.

Can I do that?

guess I don’t have a

CHOICE.

sorry but no.

i find it hard to sympathize

with the fact that you have ten guys all over you

and don’t know how to choose

don’t know how to reject them

How could the closest one to

single

of the friend group be able to help?

Sorry but i just don’t

want to hear about how wanted you are

Anymore

How many people

like you

love you

wanna be you

’cause i’m trying to be me

trying to like me

and the love for you reminds me

Why i shouldn’t have friends in the first place.

i should be happy for you

but all i can think that’s one more person that would pick you over me

one more race i want to win

but lost.

again.

i’m good at befriending the people who everyone loves

then watching them slowly drift away

realizing there are better options

realizing it doesn’t need to be so difficult

deciding i’m just not worth the effort anymore.

And i know it’s my fault

ok?

i know i should try more make an effort

to do

something

besides sit there silently

trying not to cry

but how can you expect that…

each person that picks them over me

kills me just a little more,

another stab to my confidence

my self worth

my ability to get up every morning

until soon you’re just gonna see the broken pieces

the crumbling girl

who stopped trying

and made her

disappearance

complete.

When you looked me in the eyes

There was no sparkle in your soul

I knew then, I know now.

You don’t look at me no more

You don’t love me any more

I knew then, I know now.

When you didn’t visit last night

When I slept all on my own

I knew then, I know now.

When Mako and Maya whimpered

When you didn't merge from your retreat

I knew then, I know now

When you didn’t return my calls

When you didn’t answer the door

I knew then, I know now

When you didn't leave a note

When you didn’t say goodbye

I knew then, I know now

I can’t seem to hold you close

I can’t seem to let you go

I knew then, I know now

You were never coming home.

Sky and sea,

You and me,

Memories of what we used to be.

Rivers, streams, flowing for years,

Rushing torrents of my tears,

Gifts of life, necessity,

Sorrow, a solemn melody.

Berry, bird, crystaline stone.

With time it drips, quiet, alone.

They say I’m obsessed

With you.

But, of course

I’m not.

I can let you go, anytime

Just walk away

And wave goodbye if you want to.

And all the pictures on my wall

Would soon be gone

If you left, too,

Replaced by those of someone new.

I like you, sure

And think about

You every single day

I love to watch you

Eat and sleep

That’s just my loving way

Of course I’m not obsessed with you

Feel free to walk away

If you can break the chains and lock

Then you don’t have to stay

If you can crack the cellar maze

Then just be on your way.

Of course

I can always find you

As I chipped you when I drugged you.

I should not have been her friend,

Because she not only channeled her anger on me

But turned them all against me.

It didn’t matter that they were my friends first,

Now they are all on her side.

She publicly trashed me,

And they rewarded her.

They accepted her invitations,

Even knowing I’d be excluded.

My former friends,

Supported my worst enemy in ruining my life.