To think of death

when earthquakes tremor toward

sleeping days-

How long can you lie awake?

To wallow at worn defeat

as clouds depart and azure floods

wavering melancholy-

Where might you run when all else fails?

To think of death

at the precipice of joy-

When will you let this fear settle?

Tar smothered limbs

clash in bruising

depths,

Reaching for the

belly of

opressive waves,

Exerting death

conquered by flooded

lungs

To reach the luminous

idol above!

I was hurt very deeply by a lot of people. Emotionally by my brother, physically by a relative, and mentally by kids at my school, in my class. I believed that I was not worth anything, I believed that I was alone, I felt abandoned, and that no one loved me. It really hurt. So, I started hurting myself. Cutting, suffocation, bruising, concussions. Because I wanted to fit in, and be loved. It was rough. But there was freedom. It took a while, and it’s still coming. I have long term trauma pain, and it still hurts sometimes, but it is healing. My mind is healing, my heart is healing. It hurts a lot when it first happens, but we got to keep pressing on, and not giving up. I’m still alive and breathing, you’re still alive and breathing, and God still has a plan for your life and for mine. It really hurts right now, but it’s gonna get better.