i am often compelled to survive by those scars carved onto your left rib

feet dangle from this bench and i kick them around as i sleep onto your shoulder

you smell like the spices i cooked with tonight

you smell like the right turn down edison street

you smell like the desert flower that was born in my pocket

i smell like rotting onions and i run as you chase me around this room

with your bandages falling off

im slipping on them as i continue running

im grabbing onto the walls that are caked yellow

from a cig thats burning through my pocket

pass it wont you?

I sometimes switch between writing prose and poetry, sometimes it’s mid line, sometimes it’s after. I remember learning poetry by myself like I was capable of learning without school. Not only as a craft nor simply a way of expression, poetry is a language of finding words inside of themselves. Since I was self taught, the people I spoke to kept nothing against the ways of my rhymes and typical time, but instead listened to me intently, or at least pretended to. I started writing words on religion like I was well read, and physics like I was well taught, but there seemed to be none of that when I approached the Standard. The Standard taught me that expression is a medium of intent for persuasion, sometimes expression is a way to supercede the Standard, but rarely. Only the a few could incorporate true expression into their lives daily; to find innovation as they walk through the murk of everyday.

I dreamt a dream within a dream and found myself with Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Alexander, Pythagoras, and Musk. We were gathered around the table in Pythagoras’ home, laughing, drinking, talking. Pythagoras raised his goblet for another toast.

“Fellow seekers, we are most fortunate on this most auspicious night to enjoy the benefaction of Mr. Elon Musk’s most convenient time machine!”

“Here, here!” we all cried.

“Plato,” he continued, “we are grateful for your work, The Republic, for its dedication to blueprinting an ideal society. Socrates, we are grateful for your inspiration. Aristotle, we are grateful for your legacy, and Alexander, for your execution. Musk, we are most grateful for your invention! Let us take this opportunity to explore and inscribe the ideal society, with Master Musk’s input adamantly considered.”

Everyone took another sip, and looked back at Pythagoras.

“Musk, my friend...”

“Yes, Master.”

“Given your understanding of Plato’s Republic, in conjunction with your understanding of our world several thousand years from this moment, what would you advise we do?”

Musk smiled, and proceeded to speak.

When my hazel eyes fell upon your sleeping face, I felt an unfamiliar tug that made my knees go weak.

My teenage heart couldn’t fathom its collosal meaning and the impact it would leave.

Butterflies thrashed around inside of me – dancing and tickling me until I couldn’t breathe.

It was dark but I could see perfectly, my future set before me.

Ten years of good and bad have come and gone, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

Life has switched its polarities on us, trying to set us free

But what Life doesn’t understand is Fate is in charge of our Destiny

When that magnetic force is pushing us apart and we try to fit so desperately

We always manage to pull together; our souls intertwine so tightly.

I don’t have to worry 

Magnetic Love will bring you back to me.

Time slows down as passion ignites

Desire blazes through united bodies

Beads of sweat

Out of breath

Moaning

Groaning

Screaming

Calloused hands grip petal-soft flesh

Fingertips claw hardened muscles

Thrusting together

Relishing in pleasure

Hazy

Dizzy

Tipsy

Rapture builds with their rhythm

Her frantic cries beg God for mercy

Their eyes lock

Their bodies rock

Lightening

Thundering

Earthquaking

Euphoria rips through their very souls

They lay basking in afterglows

Feather-light touches calm their haste

A smile paints across her lipstick-stained face

I lived in the village for 5 years in my early ages, what a great life it was, no tension, no work, playing, laughing, weeping, beating, boxing, kicking each other, I don’t have words to explain although one doesn't have, as it is childhood, so many memories, childhood friends, fighting without reason. I wish may it return again. Every one wishes that it returns back …!!!

When I was in 6th standard a statement was used, which I had to listen read from my teacher/book.

“Internet has transformed this world into a global village”

Yes, global village is created, but this village is not same where one care about each-other, standby side on difficulties, helping each other. Helping, caring is the specialty of the term village. The world is transformed into a global village. One can contact his family, friend, relative and unknown. Mean wireless meeting is possible to anyone within no time Each one has easy access to one another in it by making him/her, brother sister, mother son, father daughter, teacher-student, doctor-patient helper, and guider etc. others I don’t know all this is vanishing the respect of such nature developed relations. There is the reason behind this it is because everyone is in search of respect, honor and mind comfort. Location of this village is cell-phones and laptops. The main reason behind this is everyone is busy in these. Same thing I’m doing, busy in laptop doing typing, unaware about the real world, don’t know who is my roommate in real format, don’t know he has taken food or not. There is a new world in which I’m introduced from past 6 months, I feel that world is moving toward disaster, who’ll be careful about these, that’s a challenging question for you and me too. Who will care this global Village?

Example 1:

In real life, there are few old people who are caring the village, one is considered most respectful and head of the village, whatever he decides by taking view-point of his same aged-fellows and villagers is considered as a final decision.

Example 2:

It is same like one has 100 rupees in his pocket and wanting 10 thousand more to fulfill his desire. By 100 rupees one can eat few things which might not be tasty but by 10 thousand he/she can enjoy the tastier food.

Ash! This global village is without his head.

Crimson rain

Sign of the times

Searing pain

Useless rhymes

Hearts were slain

Jilted Valentine

Death is at her doorstep but I do not let him in.

I do not fear him, I am not ready to let her go, I still want to win.

This sickness that claims her body, it will not take her soul.

I am a fighter and she loves to win, I wont let death take its toll.

She has so much more to accomplish with her life, why did it have to be her.

I will tell the reaper, please go away, I will get down on my knees and beg, I will do whatever you confer.

As I sit here and watch my love, struggling to keep her life, I pray to the gods above, please don't take my wife.

I don't want to greet the reaper, go knock on someone else's door.

Why must you bother her, take her away, she has a child to bear, a life to give to the world.

This child that is inside her, the child that is mine, our child deserves a chance, that child will carry on our bloodline.

Family and a True Love, that's what we all want. So Mr. Reaper, if you would kindly leave, go on to your next soul to take, for this one is not going anywhere on this particular eve.

Don't fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult

LYRICS

All our times have come

Here but now they're gone

Seasons don't fear the reaper

Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are

Come on baby...don't fear the reaper

Baby take my hand...don't fear the reaper

We'll be able to fly...don't fear the reaper

Baby I'm your man...

Valentine is done

Here but now they're gone

Romeo and Juliet

Are together in eternity...Romeo and Juliet

40,000 men and women everyday...Like Romeo and Juliet

40,000 men and women everyday...Redefine happiness

Another 40,000 coming everyday...We can be like they are

Come on baby...don't fear the reaper

Baby take my hand...don't fear the reaper

We'll be able to fly...don't fear the reaper

Baby I'm your man...

Love of two is one

Here but now they're gone

Came the last night of sadness

And it was clear she couldn't go on

Then the door was open and the wind appeared

The candles blew then disappeared

The curtains flew then he appeared...saying don't be afraid

Come on baby...and she had no fear

And she ran to him...then they started to fly

They looked backward and said goodby...she had become like they are

She had taken his hand...she had become like they are

Come on baby...don't fear the reaper

I LOVE this song so much, so much that it is my ringtone on my cellphone and I saw Blue Oyster Cult in concert at our local county fair!  This song is so bittersweet and beautiful, not about suicide at all, just about not fearing death when it knocks on your door. And those cowbells (listen to song sometime to hear them), come on, the song would not be the same without them!

P.S. (I am not much of a "storyteller" per say, but I do love to write! So I still hope you like my "Story" and Lyrics!)

...

I search the galaxy

for a love like yours

I am always looking

drifting through space

and touching the stars

you are my sun

you are my moon

and I

an endless wanderer

that travels

through your heart

swimming

in the deep oceans

that are your eyes,

such blissful joy

to be by your side

to stand in the warmth

and glow of your soul

I search the galaxy

for a love like yours

but can't seem to find

because an inner beauty

such as yours

can only be found once

so I stay in your arms

and tremble slightly

for the World's power

and the Universe's depth

can be as cold

as it is wide...

but tonight

is just a bliss for

a wanderer

such as myself,

because you are near me

gripping me tightly,

keeping me

safe

and anchored

to your

loving heart

............................

This piece was written on September 26, 2017. It is the first of many writing pieces from a "1,000 Words a Day" challenge. Participants are instructed not to judge what they are writing or make edits, so pardon the errors in structure, etc. When I wrote this, I was in my final days of teaching before my contract ended and feeling a bit uneasy about what the future would hold for me, especially in terms of career. Stay tuned to see the developments in my life since I wrote this.

My life the past few weeks has not been what I imagined it would be. This, of course, is a standard law of the universe, but sometimes, things are at least slightly predictable. I would never have guessed at age 28 I would be changing careers, single, and living with people I never met.

Listen, it’s not all bad; I am glad to be making a career change, don’t totally mind my living situation, and would rather be single than settling. I understand where my fears and uncertainties are rooted; Societal pressures, stigmas, and growing up in suburbia are all contributing factors. At the same time, it is interesting when you consider how there is no definitive “norm” in life.

Yes, I grew up in Suburban New Jersey, but I won’t lie and say it was easy. The little bubble of a town I was raised in was not impenetrable and had no protection to offer from the bitch that is life. In a little over two decades, I experienced the divorce of my parents, watching my brother battle substance abuse, sexual assault, and the unique, untimely death of my estranged, transgendered and mentally disturbed father to AIDS. For the majority of my adult life, I was emotionally paralyzed. The only “norms” I knew were trauma, having zero control over my life, and that I could trust no one. As a result, I found it difficult to trust even myself.

I’ve always known deep down I am destined for greatness. I’ve always known how talented I am, how unique I am, how brilliant I am, how beautiful I am, and how unbelievable I am. Have I always believed it? Absolutely not. How could I believe in anything positive, light, or honest when all I knew for so many years was negativity, darkness, and deceit? How could I possibly be successful and achieve my dreams when I felt crushed by the universe?

It only makes sense I settled for “safe.” I pursued a career in teaching because to me, it was comfortable. My mother and a number of relatives are teachers. I got a job out of college as an aide in my mother’s school, which is also the same school I attended as a middle school student. It was something I had already experienced, and I associated it with my life before all the trauma began. There was little mystery attached to it. People I had known for years and already established trusting relationships with surrounded me there. I was enticed by the comfort and homeliness this environment provided me with, and the profession itself holds little mystery in terms of expectations.

I have finally dealt with the demons of my past and can see a bit more clearly. I am still afraid of the unknown, as most humans are, but it does not frighten me enough to run from it or settle for something I know I don’t want in my heart. Life is definitely still a bitch, but I no longer believe she is evil. I have learned life does not play favorites. She doesn’t make it easy or protect anyone from the wrath she is capable of unleashing. In a way, I consider myself lucky for the experiences I have had. They have softened me, helping me to be the empathetic healer and friend I am to so many. I now know how to handle what she throws at me in stride, and not let it completely derail me from doing what I need to do to feel happy and satisfied. It took a lot of hard times for me to figure out how to conduct a sound relationship with life and realize she wants the best for us all, even if she has a funny way of showing it. It is my mission to use the hardships of the past, present, and future as fuel to learn and grow.

While covering physics with my students, we discussed Newton’s Laws of Motion. According to the third law, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The word for this in the spiritual world is, of course, “karma.” Most things in life are binary, and there are two sides to every coin. I use these cliche expressions because what I have learned is, although my life experiences lead me to distrust and believe everything was dark and negative, trust, light, and positivity are always accessible if you look for them. I no longer feel ashamed of my past, and know there are people in my life I can lean on when the demons start creeping in. Again, life has our best interests in mind, and it is up to us to be open to her lessons so we can better understand both her and ourselves.

It took me 28 years to open myself up to life and let her teach me vital lessons. I am learning to listen to my heart and to trust in others and in myself. Even though I am not where I “should” be in the hard eyes of society, I feel I am exactly where I should be in my life. Too many people get lost to the demons, whatever theirs may be, and settle for the comfortable, the familiar, and the known. I have done this already in my life, and I have decided I can’t live a lie any longer. I took a huge risk leaving teaching, but I think an even greater risk would have been sacrificing my potential, my happiness and my life’s truth for comfort. Being single and living with strangers are the unintended results of the decisions I made out of comfort and fear, but I know they are short-term and are more lessons life is giving me to fuel my growth. Nothing is a death sentence, and every seemingly destructive and painful circumstance only has a constructive and alleviating life lesson attached to it. All we can do is accept this and be willing to believe the dust will settle.

#selfgrowth #careerchange #whatsnormalanyway #lifelessons #thereisnodarkness #onlylight #transformation #metamorphosis #1000wordsaday